


The Prettiest Star

by permanentsmile



Category: Gerard Way - Fandom, Gerard Way - freeform - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: 9/11, Addiction, Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Love, Romance, Sex, Tragedy, my chemical romance - Freeform, skylines and turnstiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:15:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7889296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/permanentsmile/pseuds/permanentsmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade Parker is a young woman who's suffered tragedy after the terror attack in New York City on 9/11. While she's still coping with what she lost, she meets Gerard Way, who is just getting started with his band called "My Chemical Romance." Gerard is troubled with depression and addiction. Together, will they be stronger or weaker?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jade Parker

I clocked out at five minutes after four PM because my co-worker was running a little late. I let out a sigh of relief, having another day complete at Walgreens and being free from my main manager watching me like a hawk. Kerry took over for me, whose dishwater blonde hair was a little messy, and her brown, rectangular framed glasses were a little crooked that afternoon.

I took my jacket out of my locker, said good bye to James on my way out (who was working in photo one hour longer), and waved at Kerry.

"Jade!" she said, stocking some candy at the front of the register, "You got any plans tonight?"

"Yeah. Going to the club to see what's up. Jermaine said there's a new band there tonight, but more importantly, my ex from college will be there and I heard he's going bald already."

  
Kerry let out a high-pitched laugh, her tummy naturally bouncing a little as she did so. One of the big problems with our work uniforms - they were all so poorly fitting and uncomfortable.

"Brad? Good luck with him. Tell me everything on Wednesday."  
  
I furrowed my brow. It was Friday (I had the next day off), and she was usually scheduled the same days as me.

"Why so far?" I asked, feeling my black military jacket fall limp against my hip.

"Have to go to the city to help finish cleaning out my aunt's apartment. Grandma finally decided it was time to let it go...." Her voice trailed off, and she appeared more somber as she glanced at the calendar hanging behind us.

_September, 2002._

One year after the worst day of our lives. My thoughts were interrupted when I caught Kerry wiping her eyes after she lifted up her glasses.

"Sorry," she said. "It's been so hard without Aunt Linda."

"No, no. I understand," I said as my stomach fell, and I hugged the coat that once belonged to my father close to my side.

* * *

An hour later, I was in my loft apartment, which was rather small, but I didn't need anything big. I lived alone, I seldom had company, and I didn't have much stuff. I climbed the ladder up to my queen-sized bed and dug through a chest where I kept some of my nicer clothes. It was pushing for five-thirty, so I had more than enough time to get ready. I wanted to look my best - after all, Brad was going to be there and I had to show him what he was missing out on.

I settled on something modest, just so I didn't seem like some kind of loose girl. Black skinny jeans, my nice black zip-up boots that gave me an extra inch in height, and a black halter top that showed just a little midriff. I had my faux leather jacket to go with it - I did have quite a thing for jackets.

Having my outfit picked out, I climbed down the ladder and flipped on the TV, only to hear that god-awful President of ours making some speech about weapons of mass destruction in the Middle East, which I couldn't swallow for a second. What a buffoon. I blamed him for our nightmares, and knew there had to be something shady about his term in the White House.

Over the next several hours, I ate a light meal, dressed, and did my makeup. Once it was after eight, I left and managed to catch a cab. I was originally from Portland, Oregon and it wasn't too bad when trying to catch a cab out there. However, when trying to catch a cab in Trenton, New Jersey... it was a little harder - kind of like a practice run for when you go into New York City. You had to be a pro to get a ride there.

* * *

 

"Oh, someone turn on the fire hoses, because this girl is hot!" I heard the second I walked into Brittle End, knowing that voice anywhere.

"Must you, Jermaine?" I laughed at took a seat at the bar, catching a glimpse at my reflection.

Dark brown hair was on par with waves, my toned, creamy arms were positioned nicely, makeup done just right. Perfect. Brad wouldn't know what hit him.

Jermaine, who was over six feet tall and very muscular (and rather attractive, but I wasn't his type), revealed his pearly whites through a mischievous grin.

"You know I gotta keep up an image, Jade. Rob doesn't like it, but it keeps us safe."

Jermaine was leaning on the bartop across from where I was sitting. Despite the club being fairly empty with the exception of some band equipment being hauled in near the dance floor, and a few bikers playing pool, he was a little paranoid of who could hear our private conversations.

"One day, Jermaine, the world won't see you for who you love," I said quietly to him. "Things are ugly now, but they have to get better."

"Yeah, tell that uglyass monkey who got in the White House," he said as he stood up, running his hand through his sleek, bald head.

Normally guys who shaved their heads down weren't very attractive to me, but Jermaine really pulled it off.

"I didn't vote for him," I commented. "Hey, maybe one day a woman will get in."

"Or a black man," he said thoughtfully. "Nah. Not in my lifetime."

He crossed his arms over his (very toned) chest, his gray shirt with the club's name done in odd, red print splayed across with a martini glass. He shook his head, getting a far-away look on his face.

I glanced over at the stage area and saw a short guy with wild, black hair setting up his mic stand. Next to him was a guitar case.

"Hey, who's playing tonight?" I asked as I motioned with my head toward the stage. "I've never seen them before."

"One of our own," Jermaine commented. "So they'll draw a bigger crowd. They call themselves Our Toxic Romance or some shit."

_Our Toxic Romance? What an odd name._

"Strange name," I replied, watching the short guy set up his guitar.

The guy had a scorpion tattooed on his neck, and the guitar he had strapped on himself seemed too big for him. He looked younger than me.

"You should go talk to them," said Jermaine. "I saw the drummer - he's cute."

A tanned guy with dark brown hair, which was messy, walked up on the stage with a bass drum in his arms. I looked at Jermaine with a raised eyebrow. He had a goatee and a lip piercing.

"Jermaine, have you had anything to drink tonight?"

He raised his eyebrow at me.

"No. Come on - you should at least go for that guitar player. I've only seen three of them. I think they're a five piece."

"Who else did you see?" I turned my attention away from the band.

"Their singer. Looks like one emo motherfucker to me," he commented.

I laughed.

"What? Why?"

"Brother's skin is pale like a vampire, has this black, messyass hair. Guy wears all black, and makeup. Had on eyeliner or some shit. He wanted a drink as soon as they got here."

"Maybe he's just a little nervous. This place can draw a lot of people."

"Speak of the devil," Jermaine said as he pointed toward the stage, which was getting harder to see with the lighting in the rather shady-looking club.

The guy I assumed to be their singer wasn't ugly. He looked very young - he had to be barely twenty-one. He had short, spiked, black hair, and he wore a black leather jacket over a black band t-shirt. The guy didn't really scream "vampire."

"At least talk to any of them," said Jermaine. "You gotta have someone hanging on your arm when Brad comes in. Even if it's that weird motherfucker," he said as he motioned toward the singer, who was setting up his mic stand.

He was taller than the guitar player, who I noticed was talking to him. They both laughed, and it was then when I noticed the guitar player was wearing eyeliner as well. I couldn't lie - it did look good on them.

More people started flooding into the place, from college girls to thirty-somethings possibly wanting to get away from the kids for a few hours. There was a small group there who looked like they could be part of that band, wearing stuff that looked like it came out of Hot Topic.

A brunette guy who wore glasses walked in from the back entrance with a pile of CDs in his hands, and placed them on a small table next to the stage. Curious, I got up from my seat, which was lonely since Jermaine had to get to work with fixing people drinks and taking orders for whatever they wanted to eat.

I brushed past a few college girls, who I overheard talking about how much they hated one of their classes (and could definitely relate), apologizing on my way by, and approached the stage, where there were the Hot Topic people standing in a growing group. I saw the name of the band then - _My Chemical Romance_. The drummer finished setting up his kit, and there was another guitarist on the left hand side of the stage (who had quite a head of hair thick, curly hair).

"Have you heard them before?" I heard a girl ask me as I picked up a CD, which was titled, " _I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love_."

"Sorry, I'm afraid I haven't," I said as I looked up at her, noticing she wore purple contacts and had vampire-white skin. "Your eyes look awesome."

"Thanks. I like your shirt." She grinned at me. "These guys are awesome. This is my fifth show."

"Cool," I replied, and looked at the CD in my hand. "How much do they charge for these? I don't see a price tag."

She laughed, and I noticed a guy with black and red hair approaching us.

"They don't charge at their shows. You're supposed to take one," the strange guy said, who looked slightly older than me.

"Oh, I see. Thanks." I smiled at him, then extended my hand to shake theirs. "I'm Jade."

"Chloe," the girl with purple eyes said as she shook my hand.

"Austin," the guy said as he shook mine. "Chloe's my girlfriend. You live around here?"

"Yeah, I live here in the city."

"You're not from here, are you?" Chloe asked as she pulled at the back of her black and purple shirt.

"Guilty," I replied, having kept my Northwest accent. "I hoped when I was younger that I'd pick up on the accent here, but it never happened."

"How long you been in this trashcan state?" Austin asked.

"Ten years."

"Oh! There's Frank!" Chloe said excitedly, making me turn.

The short guy from earlier was walking up on stage behind me, and was right above us. He looked down and grinned.

"Hey Austin, hey Chloe. Who's your friend?" He took a drink from a plastic cup.

"This is Jade. This is her first show," said Austin.

"Nice. I'm Frank," he said as he reached down to shake my hand.

I grasped his hand and shook it, noting how rough his hand felt.

"Nice to meet you, Frank. I grabbed one of your CDs. I hope that's okay."

He smirked.  
  
"It's great. Make sure you crank that shit up as high as possible when you play it. If your neighbors call the cops on you, that means you listened to the album properly."

I laughed quietly. Everything about him seemed to scream "energetic" and "charismatic."

"You wanna meet the band?" he asked.

"Do it!" Chloe whispered. "They're so nice!"

"Ah, sure," I replied, feeling a little anxious since I was still keeping an eye out for Brad.

"Follow," Frank replied as he pulled me up on stage. "That's Ray. He kicks my ass in video games all the time."

The man with the brown, curly hair looked up from his guitar, which he was tuning, and smiled at me.

"Hey," he said in a sweet-sounding voice. "What's your name?"

"Her name's Jade," Frank replied as he pulled out some gloves from his back pocket in his black jeans. "I'm introducing her to everyone."

Ray rolled his eyes.

"If he says anything weird about me, it's not true," Ray warned. "But I do kick his ass in video games."

"I make up for it on guitar," Frank responded before I could open my mouth.

In my boots, we were the same height. I assumed he was about five-foot-six, since I was a solid five-five. Ray wasn't painted up and wore clothes like Frank - he wore a plain black t-shirt, no makeup, and jeans. I saw Frank slide on some black, finger-less gloves that had skeleton fingers printed on them.

"Please. I can outdo you any day," Ray teased.

"Whatever. Come on - you should meet Mikey. He's a dork."

* * *

Frank pulled me out the back entrance of the building, where I saw a few guys standing around a van.

_This is getting a little serial killer-ish now...._

"Hey guys, I brought fresh meat," Frank said in a wicked voice as he pulled me a little too fast to the guys.

The singer was smoking a cigarette and leaning against the van, the guy in glasses who brought out the CDs was taking a bass out of the van, and the drummer was drinking from a red, plastic cup.

"I'm Matt," said the drummer, reaching out to shake my hand. "What's your name, pretty girl?"

"Jade," I responded. "Your fans out there say you guys are good."

I heard a quiet, huffy laugh from the singer, which made me turn and look at him. He was staring at me with the prettiest hazel eyes I ever saw.

"Of course we're good," said Frank. "But none of them are a bigger fan than me. I started out as a fan and then joined the band. They're all liars when they say they're the biggest fans. See? Dreams do come true."

"You are quite winded," I commented, noticing him rolling up the sleeves on his jacket, and got a look at all of his tattoos. "Cool ink."

Frank smirked.

"Thanks. You have any?"

"A couple. You just can't see them." I smiled.

_Don't flirt with him. Yeah, he's cute, but...._

"Oohhh," I heard Matt say quietly.

"You're weird, Matt," said the guy wearing glasses.

"That's Mikey," said Frank as he pushed me forward, almost knocking me into Mikey.

"Hi. I'm sorry," I apologized immediately as I managed to catch my balance before colliding with him.

"Hey. It's not your fault. Frank's just... well, if you hang around and see us more, you'll know that's just Frank."

Mikey was sweet. He grinned at me, showing his nice teeth, and fixed the gray beanie he had on his head.

"That's my brother, Gerard. He's our singer. I just play bass."

"I used to play," I commented. "It's been a long time, though."

"Hey, that's cool. High five for bass players," he said as he raised his hand.

_Is he joking? Am I about to look stupid in front of several attractive men?_

I bashfully raised my hand and high-fived him, and he kept grinning at me.

I stepped back, and bumped into Gerard, who was a few inches taller than me.

"Sorry about that," Gerard said with a thick Jersey accent. "I kinda get in my own zone before a show."

"It's no problem," I said, watching him flick his cigarette butt.

He was a little chubby - barely, but it was cute. I could smell beer on his breath, and the rest of him smelled like cigarettes and deodorant. I looked up at him and saw him smiling at me.

"You'll stay for the whole gig?" he asked.

"Yeah." I smiled at him. "Definitely."

* * *

 

A couple hours passed, and the band started to play. I liked their sound, though I could tell Gerard was at least buzzed. Frank was all over the place on stage - constantly moving, laying on the floor and sliding across part of the stage. Ray liked to move with the rhythm, and Mikey seemed to be the most composed, hanging in the back near Matt, who kept giving a fierce rhythm.

I stayed out of the way of the people going nuts on the dance floor. Lots of spilled drinks, people singing along - it's like they were a world-famous band, and they just did a secret club show. I hadn't seen people go that nuts since I went to a Bon Jovi concert when I was a freshman in college. Jermaine just shook his head, appearing to not like their music at all. They really did suit the club - it had a gritty, underground rock vibe. Aside from the occasional marijuana deal and a few drunks getting pissed at each other and getting into a fight, it was mainly pretty chill.

They finished playing one of their songs, which I think was called, "Our Lady of Sorrows," and that's when I saw Brad walk in from the front entry. He saw me, and seemed to go a little red in the face. He didn't look very happy for this unexpected run-in. His hair receded back quite a deal, and he got skinny as a twig. He was the exact opposite of how he was when we were in college, where he played football.

I didn't intend to come to the club to mock him, or get into a fight with him. I just wanted to see what he was like then. In our junior year of college, I found out he was cheating on me with a girl in one of my friend's classes, so I dumped him. He was had his moments where he was emotionally abusive, but I never took it sitting down. I had to be strong... it's what my father wanted for me.

"Alright, motherfuckers," I heard Gerard say, which took my attention off of Brad and made me look at the guys on stage, "We're taking a break. We'll be back in a few minutes. Don't get too fucked up." I saw Gerard go off stage, and noticed the other guys were putting their instruments down.

"The fuck you doing here, Jade?" Brad greeted me.

"Hello to you, too," I said as I crossed my arms, turning on my stool so I'd face him.

He was about two inches taller than me, and seemed to have bags under his eyes.

"Why you here?" he asked. "I thought you moved out of this shit-hole."

"Au contraire, I stayed. How's Jenny?" I smirked at him.

He frowned. "Fine. She's home with the kids."

That took me by surprise. My friend, Fran, told me he was still with Jenny, but failed to mention they had children.

"Oh? How old?" I asked curiously.

"Twins. Eight months. I hate the fuckers," he said as he slammed his hand on the bartop, which brought the attention of the female bartender, Brenda, over to him.

He ordered whiskey, and leaned on the bartop, glaring at me.

"You happy, cunt?" he asked.

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Excuse me?"

I felt an arm go around my shoulders, and I recognized the person's scent.

"Hey, do you like our music?" Gerard asked as he leaned in to talk to me so I could hear him over the loud crowd and the juke box.

"Yeah, you guys are great!" I said, honestly liking their music. "Glad I picked up a CD."

"Was that you screaming into a microphone?" Brad asked as he eyeballed Gerard.

"I'm the singer, and that's my band, yeah," he responded, getting a drink from Jermaine, whom I caught shooting a look at me.

"You guys sound like shit," Brad said, downing his whiskey. "What the hell kinda sound is that?"

"Ignore him," I said to Gerard. "He's just mad because he's tone deaf."

"I still know what's good, and what's not good." Brad looked pissy, and it was then when I noticed how poorly he started dressing.

His clothes didn't fit properly, and they were quite dirty. I could've sworn I saw vomit on one of his sleeves. He was an angry man, who made some bad choices and ended up in an unhappy situation.

"Who the fuck are you, man?" Gerard asked. "Is he bothering you?"

"He's an ex," I replied. "He's having a bad night."

"Try a bad lifetime. Y'know, if you would've sucked a little more dick and would've let me put it in your ass, I probably wouldn't have fucked that cow I'm married to now. You kept yourself up - I could still be fucking you every night." Brad was slurring. He always was a lightweight.

Jermaine was front and center once again, that time with a rag tossed over his shoulder. I felt my face go red and glanced at Gerard, who looked taken aback and rather disgusted.

"Dude, you need to seriously fuck off. Don't talk to her that way." I noticed Gerard talked partially out of the side of his mouth.

_Interesting._

I hung my head a bit, feeling rather stupid. Honestly, what did I expect to happen? I got word from Fran that Brad frequented there twice a month, and I wanted to see what happened to him. A petty ego boost for me, and who the fuck knows what went through his mind.

"You don't know her like I do, you fag," Brad said as he stood to his full height, just about an inch shorter than Gerard. "Who the hell are you, anyway?"

"Someone who thinks words shouldn't hurt people, and violence is pathetic."

"Brad, I might have to boot you," said Jermaine. "We can't have shit like this goin' down here."

Brad, still red-faced and finally showing he'd been drunk when he walked in from the start, slammed his glass down and threw a few dollar bills on the bartop.

"Whatever, you nigger. Bye, faggot. Bye, you stupid cunt."

Brad walked out. While watching him leave, I noticed we caught the attention of a few pool-players, who were shaking their heads at him.

"Don't listen to that asshole, honey!" I heard a biker call out from the pool area.

He appeared to be in his forties and was drinking a Bud. His beard was rather long and unkempt.

"You could always leave here with me. I ain't got a wife or kid. I drive a Harley!"

"She's with me," Gerard said suddenly, which took my by surprised.

I looked up at him, and he smiled bashfully down at me. He was cute. Aside from being drunk, he did give off a nice guy vibe. I hoped I could trust my intuition. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jermaine smirking.

"I gotta go back. Catch ya on our next break if you're still here." Gerard smiled weakly at me.

I felt Jermaine nudge me, which made me want to snap at him.

_Oh fine._

"Wait. Let me give you my number," I said as he started to walk off.

He stopped and turned back to me, looking just as surprised as I was at the words coming out of my mouth. I took a napkin from the bar and wrote my name and number on it.

"Jade Parker," Gerard read. "You seem like a cool girl, Jade. Here, ah... let me write down my number."

He took a pen out of his pocket and motioned for me to give him my hand. I opened my palm and felt the tip of the pen tickle my palm.

_Gerard Way, 555-8420_

"Thanks." We exchanged smiles, then he hurried back to the stage.

"That was one of the most awkward things I've watched," Jermaine remarked after Gerard left.

"Yeah, but I got his number." I grinned at him. "He seems nice."

"He does, but he's awkward as hell. You should'a tried with that drummer." I saw him looking at Matt.

"Not my type," I commented. "Gerard... what a nice name."

Jermaine rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell me you're going to be a groupie for those clowns."

That time I _did_ smack Jermaine in a playful manner, making him laugh.

"You know I'm not like that."

"I know. It's good for you to get out there and date. Get on that guy as soon as you can - you never know with the way the world is now." Jermaine wiped the bartop where Brad spilled part of his drink.

* * *

 

They played a song called "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" and I was obsessed. I saw it on the list of songs on the CD, but I didn't really expect them to play it. I was a bit of a horror movie nut, and vampires were my favorite topic of horror.

"Alright, everybody," Gerard said into his mic as he walked from Ray's side of the stage and went front and center. "We've been a band for a year now, and we started because of a horrible fucking thing that happened in our country. We want to send out a positive message and do something to give people hope again.

"We want to take a moment to be quiet for those we lost, and for those who will follow."

Jermaine was right by my side immediately, and put his hand on my arm. The people on the dance floor, who were chattering and going crazy, suddenly went quiet. The whole club went quiet. My hand went over my mouth as my eyes grew wet.

_Dammit._

I noticed Frank, who was a fireball of energy the whole night, was standing very still with his head down, one arm behind his back, and the other holding his guitar neck. Mikey and Ray were in similar positions, and Matt remained behind his drums, not moving a muscle.

Gerard was different.

He appeared to be genuinely _hurt_. He stood in complete silence, holding onto his mic stand, resting a foot on his amp. I wondered if he lost someone that day, too.

"This is the first song we wrote as a band," Gerard said after nearly a minute of the club being silent. "It's about that horrible day. It's called _Skylines and Turnstiles_."

"You okay?" Jermaine asked quietly as a surprisingly slow guitar started.

"Yeah. I'm fine," I replied, taking a sip of my diet Coke.

"You can always talk about him, you know. We talk about my cousin all the time."

"No, it's fine," I replied, preparing myself for the song.

It wasn't like the rest - their other songs were a punch in the face and were full of energy. I wasn't sure if they toned down the song, or if it was the one and only song on their album that wasn't so fast-paced.

" _You're not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence, let me go.... Go on record, be the first to say I'm sorry - hear me out_."

That was it for me. I paid Jermaine, and hurried out of the club. On my way out, I saw Gerard looking at me. The idea of possibly offending him and the rest of the band was far from my mind.


	2. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade meets Gerard for coffee. A little drama ensues, and they end up at Jade's apartment.

A couple of days passed, and I was on break at work. I brought the My Chemical Romance CD with me along with my CD player so I could listen to them. My coworker, Olivia, sat across from me and watched me while she sipped on her energy drink.

"Just play it," she said. "I know how much it hurts. Just... play the song. Hear what he has to say," she encouraged.

Olivia, who was one of my friends at the store, understood. She lost her mother that day, and was strong enough to move forward. She talked about her mother quite a lot, which I assumed helped her. I never talked about my father.

"Alright. If I end up crying and Tina comes back to yell at me for not following the happy-happy-joy-joy Walgreens policy for the customers, I'm blaming you." I smiled weakly at her.

She rolled her eyes.

"Tina's just a bitch. You won't get in trouble." She took a rather large gulp of her drink and watched me.

I pressed play, and heard it was far more upbeat than when they played it Friday night.

It felt like he was speaking to me. The lyrics picked up from where I left them in the club.

_And if you take me down, or would you lay me out? And if the world needs something better, let's give them one more reason... now, now, now!_

I paused the song and put my head in my hands. Their music sounded angsty, but listening to the lyrics alone were enough to know who Gerard possibly was. He had something to say to the world, and he wanted to be heard. He empathized with people like Olivia, Kerry, Jermaine, and me. I started to believe he lost someone that day.

After my shift was over, which was at three in the afternoon that day, I checked my brand new cell phone (I saved up for it for a couple of months - it was a dark blue Nokia) and saw I had a voice message, which ended up being from Gerard.

" _Hey, Jade. Um... I'm not sure if you remember me, but we met on Friday. Anyway, I guess I could try calling you later, or you could call me if you have some time. My number is 555-8420_."

"He actually called me," I said with surprise in my voice, realizing I was smiling a bit while I was getting on the bus to take me home.

* * *

 

Once I was home, I rang his phone, assuming he would be awake.

"Hello?" came his sleepy-sounding voice.

"Hi, Gerard. It's Jade. Um... you called me earlier, and... yeah. Sorry, I'm really bad at this." I put my hand on my forehead, feeling like an idiot.

I heard him laugh. He had a cute laugh.

"Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee or something one of these days."

_Do it. Say yes. Hurry._

"I'd love to!" I said enthusiastically, then mentally slapped myself. "I mean, you know, that'd be cool. When and where?"

_Come on. I'm normally not this lame._

"How about Starbucks tomorrow afternoon? We play tonight."

"Well... which Starbucks?" I furrowed my brow.

"Marketplace," he responded.

"Okay. I work until two tomorrow. What time?" I sat down at my little kitchen table that was set up for three people, and twirled my brown locks.

"Three-thirty okay?" I heard him cough.

"Perfect. I'll see you then." I grinned.

"I'll be looking forward to it," I heard him say. "See ya, Jade."

"Bye, Gerard." I hung up and squealed, and felt the urge to try to do backflips around my loft.

"God, I'm acting so stupid," I said to myself. "He's just a guy. Just a regular guy. It doesn't matter that he's nice and cute."

I sighed, having moved around my apartment a little, and landed on my couch.

_I gotta call Fran._

I immediately dialed my friend from college's number, feeling so stupidly excited about my date. Well, it wasn't officially a date or anything, but it was the closest thing I had to a date in a long time.

"Franny?" I said after I heard her mumble a "hello."

"Hey Jade," she said with a yawn. "What's up? You sound unusually happy."

"Well, it's kinda a long story. Remember that night I went to the club to get a look at Brad?" I sat up on my red couch and looked around my apartment, noting the lack of art on my walls with a frown.

"Yes. Was he covered in vomit?"

"I think so. Anyway, he's not important - I met someone."

She let out an excited squeal.

"Oh my god. Who is it? What's his name?"

I grinned. "Gerard. He played in the band that night. He's a singer."

"Ohh... imagine what a _singer_ could do for you, Jade." She snickered.

I felt my cheeks grow hot.

"Must you, Fran?" I let out a long sigh. "He called me while I was at work. We're having coffee tomorrow afternoon. He's so nice."

Fran let out a "pssh."

"What does he look like? Is he cute?"

"Yeah, he's cute. He has black hair, pale skin-"

"-so he's a vampire, like you've always dreamed of?" I heard her laughing.

I scowled. "No. I don't know, I guess it's just a look for his band or something."

We chatted for a while longer, then she had to go because she had to work at the Gentleman's Club in Queens that night. She was working as a stripper for the time being until she could find a better job with her college degree.

* * *

 

The following day, I got off my shift from work and went home immediately to quickly changed into an olive green t-shirt with a navy blue cardigan, and some low-rider blue jeans. I tossed on my black and white Converse, and hurried back out the door, untying my hair in the process to just let it flow in waves over my shoulders. I meant to fix my makeup, but it was more important to me to be on time than look like some kind of damn princess china doll.

I arrived five minutes early at Starbucks, and didn't see Gerard anywhere. I took a seat at a table, and waited patiently, hoping I wouldn't be stood up. I tapped my leg nervously, catching the eyes of some random people, who must have thought I was rather odd to be there on my own. Or maybe I was too dressed up just to get coffee with a guy I barely knew.

Only a couple minutes passed and I saw him walk in - he was beautiful. His hair was still unruly, and that time he donned a black and gray striped scarf around his neck. He was still quite pale, and wore similar clothes from Friday night. He spotted me and smiled, and approached the table.

"Hi. Sorry if I'm late," he said as he sat down. "How was work?"

He scratched the back of his head, his hair looking a little dirty, and lit a cigarette.

"Felt like Satan was sucking my soul into hell," I responded as I crossed my legs.

He laughed as he took the cigarette out of his mouth. Marlboro Reds. A popular choice where I worked.

"You're funny," he responded.

I smiled at him. He was so cute, despite not being the cleanest guy in the place.

"How did your gig go last night?"

He raised his eyebrows, appearing to be a bit surprised I'd ask.

"It was great! Except Frank kicked me for some dumb fucking reason."

I caught a woman who appeared to be a soccer mom with her two teen daughters shoot a glare Gerard's and my way.

"Why did he kick you?" I was a little shocked. Frank seemed so nice.

"We were drunk, suddenly he was by me and he just kicked me in the balls. It wasn't hard or anything - I'm just not sure what I did wrong."

_Oh wow. I have so many questions here, yet I don't know him well enough to ask. I don't want to be inappropriate._

_He doesn't really seem like the type to care about what's appropriate, though._

Gerard checked his watch, then looked at me as he butt his cigarette.

"You order anything yet?"

"No. I didn't want to get anything before you showed up." I felt a little awkward, but maybe it was him being alright with taking a nutshot.

"What would you like? I'll go up and order for us." He smiled at me, revealing a slightly wonky front tooth.

"Ah... are you eating anything?" I asked immediately.

"Yeah. You hungry?"

"Kinda. Could I have a decaf with low-fat milk and a bagel, please?" I fished my wallet out of my pocket, and saw him waving his hand at me.

"No. I'm paying. I'll be right back." He half-winked at me and rushed in line.

I watched him go, half-admiring his ass as he walked off. Something had to be off about him - maybe he was a part-time serial killer who picked up girls in bars, lured them back to his place, and chopped them up. Nobody could be that nice, have his talent, and be _that_ good-looking without being like Ted Bundy.

"Honey, you really should walk away now," I heard a voice a table over from ours.

It was the soccer mom, with her two teen daughters.

"Excuse me?" I crossed my arms.

"You seem like such a lovely young lady. You don't need to hang around a hooligan like that." She gave me a disapproving look.

"Listen, ma'am, I'm perfectly capable of choosing who I spend time with. Worry about who your daughters associate with."

I turned away from the angry blonde in a purple jogging outfit.

Just in time, Gerard came back right when the woman spoke to me again.

"He's _smoking_ in front of my daughters, he's using foul language. Sweetie, you can do better. If you really want a boyfriend, I know plenty of young men who would be interested in you."

Gerard set our stuff down on the table, looking a bit put-off by the conversation. I rolled my eyes and got up.

"Not interested. Sorry, lady." My patience was growing thin.

"Listen, young man," the lady said to Gerard, "I'm sure you're quite nice to her, but I think she needs a better influence. You know, in case she wants children. Or... away from whatever you may get into." She looked down her pointed nose at Gerard.

Gerard opened his mouth to say something, when I took notice at the woman's daughters. They were both eyeballing Gerard. I knew their looks - they thought him attractive. Hey, I was a teen girl - I knew the drill.

"He's my boyfriend," I blurted out, "and we're perfectly happy. So, thanks for your concern, but we're doing just fine." I took Gerard's hand, and saw him with a bewildered look on his face.

"Uh... yeah! Yeah, she's my girlfriend. We're dating." He had a cheesy grin on his face.

"Come on, let's just go to the park and have our coffee," I said to him.

"Sure, uh... sweetheart. Whatever you want." He grabbed the cardboard holder for our drinks and food, and followed me out of the shop.

* * *

 

"What was _that_ about?" he asked after we got out of eyesight at the store.

I let go of his hand, which made me feel slightly empty because he had such nice hands, and walked in tune with him.

"Some soccer mom trying to tell me how to live my life," I replied. "Don't worry. She's probably paranoid you're some kinda creep who kills people on the side."

_Okay, that's my little paranoid part._

He laughed as we took a seat on a bench in the park.

" _Kill_ people? I may watch a lot of shitty horror movies, but I'm not that far gone." He handed me my coffee.

I shivered as a chilly breeze blew in our direction. October was about to settle in, which made me a little excited because that meant Halloween. I always put in to be off on Halloween.

"Thank you," I said as he handed me my stuff, and noticed he got some kind of dessert with berries on it.

"What's that?" I asked as I pointed at the treat in a container.

"It's harvest fruit with Greek yogurt and honey. I thought maybe you'd like something like this."

He drank his coffee, watching me closely.

"How much was it? I'll pay you back," I said as I reached for my wallet again.

He merely waved his hand again.

"I told you I'm paying. You need to chill, Jade," he said with a giggle. "I invited you. Sorry I didn't dress very nice - it was a long night."

His expression changed to one of guilt. I smiled at him instead, feeling like he really was a genuine person.

"I know how those are. Don't worry about it."

He smiled back at me bashfully before he started picking at his sandwich.

"I, uh, saw you walking out while we were playing. Were we pretty bad?" he asked after a pregnant pause.

I stopped sipping my coffee halfway through his question. I slowly lowered the cup and sat in silence, collecting my thoughts.

"No. No, you guys were great. It's just... I had something come up, and I had to get home. I'm sorry for leaving like that."

"It's alright." He paused, having crossed his leg, bouncing it a little as he looked down at his lap with his coffee in his hand. "I was just hoping I could say good bye to you that night."

His cheeks got a little pink. I looked off to the side, trying to hide my smile.

_Why does he have to be so cute? Scratch cute - he's hot. But he's so sweet. Why do I feel this nuts over someone I barely know?_

"You're really nice, y'know that?" I commented after a couple minutes of silence, us just sipping our coffee and picking at our food.

"I've heard," he commented. "You're nice, too."

"Good. We can be nice together." What were we even doing?

I watched him shift in his seat, almost like he was coming closer to me.

"We should be. So... I'm your boyfriend?" He smirked at me.

I blushed. "Sorry if that offended you or anything. That lady was just bugging me, and she was talking shit."

"Oh, no, I'm not complaining." He giggled again. "I was just surprised."

"I could tell by the look on your face. You can make some pretty dramatic expressions. Did you go to clown college?" I didn't mean to come off as rude. Once in a while I got a little sarcastic when I felt uncomfortable.

"Thanks. I learned in art school." He sipped his coffee.

_Art school, eh?_

"Same thing," I commented.

He laughed. "You sound like Frank."

"Is that a bad thing, after he... y'know...." I waved my hand, not really knowing what to say.

"He apologized this morning. It's cool."

We sat there for a while, just having small talk and enjoying our food and drink. Afterward, I felt awkward again, and saw him standing up.

"You have anything going on the rest of the day?" I asked.

"No. We don't play tonight, and since that's basically my job... I've got nothing."

"I don't work tomorrow or anything, so... if you want to come over, you could. If you feel like it. If it's not too weird or anything."

 _Why do I feel so damn awkward_.

"I'd love to," he said.

"Alright, cool. Ah, fair warning - my apartment is kinda bland. I don't really have much there for entertainment or anything."

"No big deal."

* * *

We took the bus back to my apartment, and I let him into my small loft, which was just a kitchen and living room combined, a door leading to a bathroom off to the left where the living room was, and the ladder that went up to my sleeping space.

"Cool place," he said as he looked around, shrugging off his jacket.

He turned to me, holding his jacket. He looked like a model for some kind of dirty dudes with style magazine.

"Coat rack is right there," I said, pointing next to my red couch across from us.

He nodded, and took his scarf off and hung them on the rack.

"You don't have any posters or anything?" He looked around at the blank, white walls. "This shit would drive me nuts."

"I've been meaning to get some kind of art or something put up, but I don't really have a lot of money, and I don't know what I'd get." I motioned for him to sit down, which he did.

"Nice couch," he commented as he pulled a decorative pillow out from behind his back and rested his arm on it.

"Thanks." I sat next to him and made myself comfortable. "I have some movies if you're interested in watching anything."

"Oh? What do you have?" He looked at my coffee table and seemed to noticed my pen and notebook I kept for my schedule.

"Some god-awful old horror movies, just plain god-awful old movies in general, a few chick flicks." I shrugged.

"Have Dawn of The Dead?" he asked as he picked up the notebook and pen.

"Sure. Just make yourself at home, there," I commented as he started writing in my book.

He laughed while I got up to find the VHS tape. I popped it in, immediately changing the channel from CNN with another headline of the President giving some kind of stupid fucking speech.

"I hate that motherfucker," I commented as I sat next to Gerard.

"You have quite a potty mouth," he replied out of the corner of his mouth, staring down at the notebook, his feet propped up on my coffee table.

Normally I'd yell at people for doing that, but he could get away with it. He looked so damn good like that.

"May I ask what you are doing?" I sat pretzel style on the couch.

"Giving you some art for your walls. Have any Sharpie markers?"

"Just in black."

"Shit."

He shrugged, then wrote on the corner of the paper, tore it off, and handed it to me.

It was a cartoon of a zombie with his head falling off. It wasn't like the shitty doodles you saw every day - it was actually good. He even did some shading for grayed skin.

"Your first piece of art for your walls," he said.

I laughed. "Thank you, Gerard. I'll frame it and keep it forever."

"You should," he said in a rather sassy voice.

_What have I let inside my home..._

* * *

 

We laughed at how ludicrous the movie came to be at different times - from the people taking over the mall and hoarding random shit into their zombie-proof 'house' (which Gerard commented saying it reminded him of Frank's place), to the guy getting mauled by zombies while getting his blood pressure taken for no reason. It was kinda a dumb movie, you had to appreciate the classics.

"Think they'll ever remake this?" I asked as the credits started to roll.

"Fuck, I hope not." Gerard was half-laying on the couch with his feet and calves on my coffee table, arms placed behind his head, looking completely relaxed.

I watched him. There was something so oddly beautiful about him, and I couldn't quite place it. The way his little nose was just slightly turned up, his sparkling hazel eyes, his jet-black hair. He oddly reminded me of Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day.

"So," he said, making me break away from staring at him, "you said you have a couple tattoos that aren't visible. Where are they?"

He was _smirking_ at me. I felt my cheeks grow red.

"Why would you like to know?" I raised an eyebrow. "You have any?"

"Nope. I appreciate them, though. So tell me - where are yours? I doubt they're anywhere scandalous."

"I have one on the back of my neck," I replied. "Vampire bites."

"Sick, I wanna see." He sat up straight, watching me.

"They aren't anything special. I just got them because I like vampires." I shrugged. "Just picture a couple bite marks. That's it."

_Well, they're red, and there's a little blood dripping from them..._

"Let me see," he said, reaching for my hair.

I laughed and pushed him away immediately, feeling him tickle my shoulder.

"Sorry," he apologized right away, looking like a dog who was just kicked. "That was going overboard."

"You tickled me, Gerard. You didn't embarrass me or anything."

A devilish look formed on his soft-looking lips.

"Ticklish, huh?" His hands reached out, suddenly coming for my shoulders.

"Don't you dare," I said as I slowly backed up on the couch.

"What if I dare?" He moved closer, his fingers were on my neck, tickling me.

I laughed and pushed him away.

"I swear, I will use kung fu," I warned.

"You know kung fu?" He stopped and stared down at me.

"Well, no. That was just a general threat." I shrugged.

He snickered and tickled me again, making me roll onto my stomach to keep him out of reach.

"What do we have here!" he exclaimed as he pushed my hair back, having stood up from the couch by that time. "Nice. What's the other one?"

"Roman numerals," I replied, rolling over and sitting up. He was right in front of me, and I was almost eye-level with his crotch.

His bulging crotch in his tight, black pants....

"Significant?" he asked as he moved to take a seat next to me. "Sorry for tickling you. Hope I didn't invade your space too much."

"No, it's cool. Also, the numbers do represent a date. I'd rather not talk about it." I felt my stomach drop suddenly, and I hugged one of the decorative couch pillows to my chest.

There was a pregnant pause before Gerard looked out the small balcony door I had and saw the sun was setting.

"I should probably get going," he said as he looked down at his feet.

"Alright," I said as I stood up. "Thanks for hanging out with me. I had a good time."

He smiled and stood up again.

"I like hanging out with you. You're a cool chick."

"Thanks." I watched him grab his coat and scarf. "Where are you guys playing next?"

"Some shitty club in New York City." He pulled his jacket on and stuffed the scarf into his pocket. "I can give you the address if you want to come see us. Wait - it's like an hour away with traffic and shit. You probably wouldn't want to go that far." He looked away and shook his head.

"When are you playing around here again?"

I walked him to the door.

"We're at that Brittle place again next Friday. Maybe I'll see you there....?"

I smiled at him. "I'll do my best to be there."

"Cool. Frank tried to come along when he heard I was hanging out with you today, so he'll be happy to see you."

"I'd probably be asleep by now if Frank came along. He's so hyper."

"Tell me about it. So... could I call you before then? ...that sounds a little desperate, doesn't it?" Gerard laughed nervously.

"No. I'd like that." I smiled at him, which he returned.

"See you soon," he said, giving me a quick hug before rushing out the door before I could say good bye, let alone react.

I locked the door behind him, and slid down it. I felt giddy, and could smell him on me. I remained like that for a solid minute before I went about getting ready for work the next day.


	3. Crash On The Couch

It was another Friday night, and I was back at Brittle End to see Gerard's band play again. The only face I recognized besides everyone in the band was Jermaine's. The nice couple I met a couple weeks prior weren't there. Jermaine was surprised to hear that Gerard and I spent a day together, and we talked several times on the phone (which lasted for hours).

"When you gonna fuck him?" he asked as he watched Gerard, who sported the same faux leather jacket from their last job there, and an Iron Maiden shirt, set up his microphone

I blushed, and dipped my head down, shaking it in the process.

"I barely know the guy!" I exclaimed.

"But you think he's cute," he said as he wiped out a tumbler. "You had lunch with him, you two are talkin' on the phone like a couple teenagers. Have you kissed him at least?"

"No," I said, sounding more somber than I intended. "I really don't think he's interested in me in that way. I mean, he's so invested in his band, and he's doing it all for the right reasons. I don't think a girlfriend is on his mind - especially me."

"Now look, Jade, I know I'm not batting on ya'll's side, but even _I_ recognize you're hot. I mean, look at you - you got that confident thing goin' about you, you got style, you don't take shit, and you got some fly eyes."

I laughed. "My boring, green eyes are 'fly'?"

"Hey, that's just how a brother sees it." He looked to his left. "Trouble coming."

He walked down the bar and started fiddling with whatever he did behind the bar, and I was greeted by a man with unforgettable curly hair.

"Hey," Ray greeted as he took a seat next to me. "It's nice seeing you again. Gerard said you two hung out."

"Yeah. It was a really nice time." I smiled. "How've you been, Ray? Working on any new songs?"

"I have been! Mikey and I were messing around the other day with some licks and he has this great bass piece written, and I came up with a pretty simple solo to accompany it."

He grinned, looking like an adorable little boy who built his first castle out of Legos.

"I'd love to hear it some time! Did you two record it?" I took a sip from my glass of Diet Coke, noting Ray's worn-out band tee and faded dark jeans.

"No. We're going to see if Matt can give us a beat before we record it. He's been... occupied." Ray's voice, which sounded so sweet and angelic, almost sounded venomous at the end.

"Occupied? Did he get another job?" I glanced up at the stage and saw Matt and Mikey exchanging a few words.

_Aw. Mikey's so skinny. I should bake him a cake or something._

"No. He's just got himself tangled with a new girl who's into boozing and pills. It's kinda rubbing off on Matt." Ray sighed. "Enough about him - how'd you like hanging out with Gerard?"

"It was really nice. We had a nice lunch and some coffee at the park, then we went back to my apartment and watched a movie. He's been really nice to me."

Ray suddenly smirked a little, his plump lips parting to show his teeth.

"He told me you called him your boyfriend."

My face went scarlet as my head went back in my hands.

"Oh, god," I mumbled, feeling my wavy hair fall over my shoulders. "Please tell me he told you the entire story."

Ray laughed, which sounded like a choir of cherubs giggling.

"He did. He's not that kind of guy."

"Thank Moses. Hey, what's up with Matt?" I asked as I pointed at the stage, where Matt seemed to be a little more aggressive with setting up his drums, and Mikey set up closer to where Ray had his equipment set up.

Ray furrowed his brow as he stared.

"He's drunk. He and Gerard were drinking in the van on the way here - Matt was pouring them down faster than you could blink."

"Hope he's a nice drunk," I remarked.

"It depends on his day," was all Ray said before he excused himself.

I watched the stage, and saw Gerard left to go out back, and saw Mikey following him. I felt my eyes lose their focus as I watched Ray and Matt converse, and didn't notice someone coming up behind me.

"You're here!" Frank exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me from behind, jumping a little in the process. "How come Gerard got your number and not me? I think you're cool, too."

_Oh, why's he so cute, too? Literally everyone in this band is so cute and precious._

I caught Jermaine, who was on the other side of the bar, smirking at me.

"Well, you didn't ask," I said as I turned on my stool so I could face him.

Frank had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and had blue colored in his hair, which looked like he did it himself. He took out a piece of paper and a pen.

"We're exchanging numbers. Gerard wouldn't give yours up. We gotta hang out sometime - any chick who's willing to sit through some gruesome horror flicks is definitely worth being friends with." He grinned as he handed me his number.

"You're kind of a hyper-active dork, you know that?" I laughed as I grabbed a napkin from the bar and wrote down my number.

"A sense of humor! You got a Playstation or a Gamecube? We could chill and play video games some time. I'll bring the beer."

"I haven't been able to buy a console yet, and I don't drink." I handed him my number.

He looked surprised.

"You hang out in a club that serves booze and you don't drink? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?"

"Nah. I like to people watch."

"God, no wonder you called Gerard your boyfriend."

My head went back as I let out a loud groan.

"There's a story behind that! We're not dating! It was only one day!" I wanted to tear my hair out from frustration.

Frank giggled and snickered at me, an obvious instigator.

"He told me the story. He likes you." Frank sat next to me and took a big drag from his cigarette.

"Likes me how?" I waved his smoke from my face.

"What are you, in kindergarten?" he teased. "He's got the hots for you. Dude is seriously scared of chicks, though. You gotta kinda be the more enforceable one."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Who says I want to date Gerard?"

"I know chicks," Frank commented as he butted his cigarette in a black ashtray on the bartop. "I could tell you liked him the second you saw him."

I sighed. "Are you my new confidant, because I was half-thinking that Ray would be the person."

"We can both be. We'll be like the Golden Girls or some shit. I'm Blanche."

I laughed. "Who's Ray?"

"Dorothy. The old prude." He snickered. "Come on, I'll deliver you to your Prince Charming. He's half-dying to see you anyway. He's just too shy to come over here."

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me off the bar stool, and I made sure my black dress was pulled down just slightly below my knees and Fank hadn't, y'know, torn part of it from his force.

* * *

 

Out back, Gerard was smoking and talking to Mikey. He was mentioning something about comics, and was cut off by Mikey grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him Frank's and my way.

"Hey," Gerard said with a smile.

"Hey. How are you?" I smiled back at him, and I caught Mikey shooting a smirk at who I assumed to be Frank.

"We'll just leave you crazy kids to it," Frank said as Mikey walked toward him, Mikey being much taller than Frank and skinny as a pole.

"I have no idea what they're talking about," Gerard said as he rubbed his free hand through the back of his greasy hair.

"You told them you're my boyfriend," I said in a passive voice.

Gerard groaned. "I told them the story. They've been teasing me about it, too."

"I mean, it's not like it was a date. Just two people getting coffee," I commented.

"Yeah, and we just watched a flick at your place. No big deal." Gerard shrugged and looked off to the side, his hand falling by his side.

Things got quiet for a moment.

"You, uh, you left pretty fast," I said, remembering his brief hug before running out the door.

"Yeah. I didn't want to overstay my welcome." He took a drag from his cigarette and rested a hand over his forearm, staring down at the ground, kicking a loose stone with his boot. "Didn't want to be rude."

"You were fine. You didn't need to feel that way."

He looked up at me, his hazel eyes landing on me, and we exchanged bashful smiles.

"I feel kinda like a loser here," he commented.

"Why? You're not a loser." I tipped my head to the side, curious.

"I'm just... bad, I guess.... at talking to women."

"Then just pretend I'm some mystical being who's cool enough to talk to a mortal," I joked.

He laughed. "Goblin Queen?"

I grinned. "You watched Labyrinth?"

"Hell yeah. I love David Bowie."

My eyes widened and a rush of excitement went through me.

"Me too! I used to watch that movie all the time when I was a kid."

"So you'd be his Goblin Queen, huh?" He took another puff of his cigarette before flicking it.

"It's awfully hard to say no." I shrugged as I pulled my denim jacket a little tighter around me, feeling a little cold from the chilly October air.

"I like your jacket," Gerard said, apparently taking notice.

"Thanks. I like yours, too," I replied.

He shuffled his feet a little before opening up an arm.

"You, uh, want to arm up a little?" he asked awkwardly.

I shrugged before moving in, and felt his arm go around me. He hugged me to his side, making me feel warmer instantly.

"I feel a little honored. I have the Goblin Queen huddling against me in the chilly air."

"Well, my King is currently absent."

"Maybe you should find a new King," he said quickly, immediately going silent afterward.

_Are we flirting?_

We both jumped when a sudden flash of light blinded us. Frank stood there with a camera, grinning.

"Damn it, Frank, what the fuck," I said as I wiped my eyes, moving away from Gerard right away.

He merely snickered and put the camera in his jacket pocket, looking proud of himself.

"One day you two will look back on this photo and you'll be glad I took it. You'll show it to your little grandkids - Bobby and Frankie -"

"Bobby and Frankie?" I asked dully.

"Well, you know, one of your kids would have to be named after me, and because of how awesome I am that kid would name his kid after me and himself, so...." Frank shrugged, grinning. "And you two will go on about how great I was for pushing you two love birds forward."

"Frank, you give me that camera," Gerard said as he approached Frank, looking both taller yet somehow just as small as Frank. "I mean it."

"No, man. You'll want this picture!" Frank took off running toward the entry to the club.

"Frank! You motherfucker!" Gerard yelled after him, watching him run away like a child.

"I'm sorry," Gerard apologized. "He's just... well, he can be a fuckhead sometimes." He looked flustered as he stared down at his feet.

"It's alright. I think he's a little drunk anyway. Or high." I shrugged.

_This will be funnier in about ten years, I'm sure._

"I can take his camera and throw it away," Gerard said suddenly. "Y'know, if you never want to see the light of day of that picture."

"No. No, don't be silly. It's only a photograph. You, uh - you look good tonight. I'm sure it caught a flattering angle." I internally cringed at how awkward I felt.

"You look way better," he replied, then went silent for a moment. "You do look really nice tonight. Not saying you don't the other two times I saw you...."

I smiled at him, when we were suddenly interrupted by Matt, who was calling Gerard in because it was time for them to start.

* * *

 

As the night passed by, Gerard proceeded to drink more, and their songs kept getting more intense. I sat through _Skylines and Turnstiles_ , and felt proud of myself. Gerard's voice was pretty much shot by the end of the night, between the beer and screaming. He was hobbling around while they were packing up, and kept lingering near me.

"I'm so glad you stayed," he said as he threw an arm around me and gave me a half-hug.

"Dude, you smell bad," Frank said as he passed us by with his guitar case. "You need a breath mint or some fuckin' deodorant."

"I love you too, Frankie," Gerard slurred, then looked at me with glazed eyes. "You're such a cool chick. You stay for my shitty music, you even hung out with me. That was awesome."

_Oh, he's gone._

"You okay to get home tonight?" I asked him, noting that everyone but Mikey drank that night.

"Of course," Gerard replied, almost scoffing.

"Mom and Dad said they didn't want you coming back drunk like this," Mikey said from the stage. "You gotta go with Frank tonight."

"I don't wanna stay at Frank's place. He has too much shit," Gerard complained.

"Then stay with Ray," Mikey shot back.

"Ray's place is too clean, and he never lets me draw." Gerard was just a whiny child at that point.

"You could stay at my place," I said suddenly, nearly slapping myself after I blurted out the words.

Gerard looked back at me, smiling.

"How'd I get lucky enough to meet you? I like your place. It's nice. But you need some shit on your walls. I'm going to fix that for you." He was leaning into me more, waving his index finger while he talked.

"Alright, Gerard." I sighed and looked at Mikey, who was shaking his head.

"He used to be better," Mikey commented. "Seems like he's just getting worse every day. You can take him back - he'll probably pass out as soon as he's on your couch. If he gives any problems, call one of us."

Mikey handed me a paper with all their numbers on it.

"Frank has my number," I commented. "You guys can get it from him. I'll write your numbers down when I get home."

"I like your hair," Gerard suddenly said as he brushed his fingers through my wavy locks. "It smells like fruit and it's soft."

"Thanks, Gerard." I was uncomfortable, but I didn't want him to just end up any where for the night.

"Have a good night, Mikey," I said as I turned, Gerard following my steps.

"You too, Jade. Good night, Gerard." I heard Mikey unhooking something while Gerard and I walked out of the club, his arm over my shoulder the entire time, him half-leaning into me.

The cab ride home was borderline miserable. Gerard smelled of beer, sweat, and cigarettes; the cab driver didn't speak the greatest English, which I normally didn't mind, but with a drunken Gerard it was a little frustrating. Gerard would ramble about a cartoon he once made and how much the industry shit on him, and how he'd one day love to have a published comic book. He told me he was going to make some super heroes and I'd get to have any pictures he drew that I liked. He also babbled about painting my walls.

* * *

  
Once we were in my apartment, I directed him to the couch, which he flopped on and let out a sigh as he slowly stripped his jacket.

"I love your couch," he said as he threw his jacket over himself. "You're so nice to me."

He was looking up at me with the cutest damn face with an innocent smile. It melted my heart a little bit. Despite being a boozed out fool, he was still handsome.

"You're my friend, Gerard. Of course I'm nice to you." I walked over to my linen closet, which was next to the bathroom, and pulled out an extra blanket. "I'll be up the ladder. I'd offer you the bed, but I don't think it's safe for you to climb up that damn thing."

I came back with a tan and red blanket, and saw he removed his shoes and was laying length-way on the couch, his head on a decorative pillow.

"Here," I said as I undid the blanket and draped it over him. "I'll get you a proper pillow."

"Oh, this is fine," he said. "It smells nice. Your apartment smells really nice. Like cinnamon."

"Probably because I light candles and clean it," I said with a short laugh as I grabbed a pillow from the linen closet, then closed it.

"Lift up your head," I ordered.

"No," he responded, cuddling the pillow. "I like this pillow. I want to name it."

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Raise your head before I make you," I commanded.

"No. This is Robbie. He's going to be my sleeping buddy." He hugged the pillow tighter.

I sighed and slid my hand down the side of his face, lifted his head up, and shoved a much softer pillow under it.

"...that feels nice," he slurred, hugging that pillow.

_I wonder if he's a cuddler...._

"Thanks for being so nice to me," Gerard said as his eyes started to droop.

"Like I said, I'm your friend. You don't have to say thanks so much," I said as I knelt down by him.

He laid there, looking so sweet, with droopy eyelids. He yawned and adjusted himself on the couch.

"You need some fucking pictures on your walls," he commented. "The walls look so ugly without something on them."

I pointed on the wall where the TV was, just six feet away from it, where his picture was hung in a black frame.

"There's some art," I said, getting his attention.

He grinned. "You did keep it. That makes me happy. You make me feel better."

_What has happened to you, Gerard? I hope you're not as broken as I fear._

I stared down at him with some concern.

"You best get some sleep. I'll just be up there if you need anything," I said as I pointed at my loft.

He turned his head to follow my finger, then looked at my face.

"When you told that lady that I'm your boyfriend, I wish you meant it," he mumbled as his eyes slowly closed.

That hit me in the face pretty fast. I stared down at him, and noticed his breathing slowed. He was sleeping. I let out a heavy sigh and brushed his greasy hair back, then went into the bathroom to change into my pajamas. By the time I was climbing the ladder up to my bed, I saw he turned over onto his side and faced the couch.

As soon as I got into bed, I felt my eyes flood with tears. There I laid in my empty bed, with someone I had feelings for on my couch, drunk, who might have confessed something to me. My chest felt hollow; between my confusing, budding friendship with Gerard and still learning to deal with my father being gone, I felt lost. I rolled over in my bed, able to see Gerard through the wooden railing, and held on to a rail as I stared down at him, holding my head up with my other arm under my pillow.

"I wish I could kiss you," I whispered as I stared down at his sleeping figure. "I wish you would get better."

I laid that way for a while before I finally fell asleep.


	4. Skylines and Turnstiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Thank you so much for reading this story. It really means a lot to me. A big thank you to aka_noahj and TwentyOneSaviours for your very sweet comments. They made me smile!

My eyes slowly opened to the sound of Gerard putting on his boots, his hair messy and the couch area a complete mess. I rubbed my eyes and focused on him. I heard him swear under his breath when his boot banged on the floor. I quietly got out of bed and climbed down the ladder.

"Shit. You're awake," Gerard mumbled, squinting his eyes at the light, surrounded by pillows and the blanket laying half-way off the couch.

"Sorry. I tend to do that." I looked at him, noticing how bad he smelled, and how chaotic he looked.

"Why don't you have a shower? I think I have some clean clothes for you to wear. You look like you could do with some breakfast, too."

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't want me out right away? What if I start puking?"

"Then you're getting it out of your system. I have a toilet that's available if you need to barf." I smiled at him, putting my hands on my hips.

He half-smiled, then flopped back on the couch with his hand over his head.

"Headache?" I asked, adjusting the slightly over-sized gray t-shirt I was wearing over some low-cut shorts.

He nodded, and I caught him looking at me.

"Hang tight. I'll get you something."

I went into the bathroom and got out a couple Tylenol, then filled a glass of water in the kitchen, and brought them to him.

"Thanks," he croaked, swallowing the pills with a big gulp of water.

"You're welcome." I walked over to a trunk I kept in the corner near my balcony door, which had some of my father's things in it.

I pulled out a pair of blue jeans and a green sweater. They would be a little big on Gerard, since my dad was over six feet tall and quite bulky from muscle. I gave him the clothes and told him where the towels were. He thanked me and shuffled off to the bathroom, and it wasn't long before I heard the water kick on.

I fixed sausage and eggs with french toast while he bathed, which might have been the first shower he had in at least week. After he was out of the shower, he asked me if I had a spare tooth brush, which I did, and told him where it was.  
By the time he came out of the bathroom, wearing clothes that were two sizes too big for him, I had breakfast on the table. I smelled my deodorant on him, but made no comment. He still had a bit of booze lingering on him.

"Wow. Either you're really into making guests feel welcome, or you like to cook," he said as he stared at the table.

"A little bit of both, I guess." I smiled at him as he sat down.

"How bad was it?" he asked as I got a plate for him, having already poured him a cup of coffee.

"You wanted to name a pillow," I said with a quiet laugh, setting the plate in front of him.

I sat next to him and started serving him food, making sure he got a good helping. God knows if he really ate much. Despite being a little bit chubby, it could have been from the drinking. He somehow didn't look very nourished.

"Oh, God," he said quietly, resting his head on his hand. "I saw you hung up that picture I drew."

"Of course I did. I like it."

"That means a lot to me," he said as he picked up a fork to cut into his french toast. "Thanks for all of this. You're one of the kindest people I've met."

That tugged at my heartstrings a tad bit. I smiled wearily at him, seeing how the sleeves of my father's shirt were so long on him that he had to push them up. He held his pants by the waist to walk out. He looked almost like a child wearing his dad's clothes. It felt strange to see someone wear that outfit and make it come to life again.

"You're my friend. You can stay any time you want," I said in an affirmative voice.

He looked at me again and smiled, his hazel eyes sparkling once again.

"This world has been so ugly to me for so long... I forgot there's some beauty left in it." He took a bite of french toast.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"Your kindness. I see people being violent, committing hate crimes, even just wrecking something that belongs to someone else - it's all so ugly to me. Just... someone doing something for a piece of shit like me reminds me that the world isn't such a bad place sometimes."

He put his fork down and stared at his plate.

"You're not a piece of shit, Gerard," I said as I placed my hand on his, making him look down at them immediately. "You're so much better than that."

"If only I could believe you," he said with a weak smile, running his thumb along my knuckles.

"One day you will," I replied before lacing my fingers with his.

_Friends don't do this. You barely know him._

We sat like that long enough for the food to get cold. He resumed eating, and I was happy to see he ate most of what was on his plate, and he drank a couple cups of coffee. The stench of booze was gone after a few hours, and he picked up the blanket and pillow from the previous night and put them away for me while I cleaned up the kitchen.

* * *

"You have to be anywhere today?" I asked him once cleaning and washing up was complete, and I dressed myself.

"No. Mikey would've told our parents where I was, so I don't have to worry about going back home. We aren't playing tonight."

He looked down at his bare feet, looking a little embarrassed.

"That's gotta sound lame - a twenty-five year old guy living in his parents' basement."

"Not at all. I barely make it with this place," I said as I motioned around my small apartment. "I haven't been living on my own long. It gets quite lonely sometimes."

"Would you like a room mate?" he asked with a half-smile.

"Love to, but I haven't the space for one, sadly. I just have the loft with the one bed."

"Oh," was all he said.

We were sitting on my couch by that time, and his feet were on my coffee table. He stared ahead at my TV, and sunk into the couch some more.

"What does the loft look like?" he asked.

"You can climb up if you want," I answered. "Just an area where I keep my clothes, where I sleep. You might find some empty water bottles."

He smiled a bit before he got up and hiked his way up the ladder.

I remained on the couch, and watched him crawl through the space, picking up random things like a water bottle, a notebook, a sticky note I placed on the wall, and poke through a photo album I had.

"Who are these people?" he asked, appearing to be sitting on my bed.

"I don't know. I can't see them," was my snarky reply.

He laughed sarcastically.

"Come up and show me?" He looked down at me, looking a little puppy dog-ish.

"Oh, fine," I said as I sat up.

I climbed up the ladder and took a seat on my bed next to him, and looked through photos I hadn't seen in a year. We started at the front.

"That's me and my parents," I said, pointing at a photo of my family when I was five years old. "We lived in Portland back then."

"Nice. I've never been there," he said. "You were a cute kid."

"If that's what you want to call it," I said with a short laugh, taking in my ugly bob cut with an ugly shade of pink dress to go with it.

He turned the pages, and I started explaining my friends, when we moved to New Jersey because of my dad being discharged from the military and landing a job in New York City to work in trade. Gerard was fascinated, and enjoyed the little stories I had about my friends while growing up. He thought Fran growing up to become a stripper was funny.

"I didn't know you had a college degree," he said as he looked at my graduation photo.

"Psychology. Once in a while I hold it and cry because I work at Walgreens. Nobody wants to hire me." I shrugged.

He looked at me with a frown, then turned the page to see a photo of my dad wearing the same sweater that was on Gerard's back. Gerard seemed stunned for a moment while he placed his hand on the sweater. My dad had his arms wrapped around me, smiling for a Christmas photo. Our last Christmas together.

The next page was an article from 9/11. The day I lost my father. Gerard read the small article, and there was an underline for my father's name among the listed victims: _Sergeant George N. Parker._ I looked away when I saw the obituary for my father next to it.

"Oh, Jade...." Gerard said quietly as he closed the book. "I'm so sorry."

"That's why I left the night I met you. I..." I let out a deep sigh, trying to keep the tears away. "I'm still learning out to live without him."

He put his arm around me and gave me a hug.

"What was he like?" he asked, keeping his arm around me.

I rested my head on his chest, feeling my eyes overflow with salty tears.

"Smart. Funny. Told me to follow my dreams. He was so proud of me the day I graduated - he went all out and got this giant cake, invited our family from Portland, took the day off work. He had this big party, and hardly anyone came."

"How come?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"Graduating with a Bachelor's in Psychology wasn't a big deal in my family. Lot of doctors and lawyers. Cliche ritzy family." I sighed, finally releasing my tears, which fell on my father's sweater.

"That sucks. Your friends came, didn't they?" He rubbed my back.

"Yeah. I had about five friends who came. I hardly see them now. They either live in New York, or they've got families. It's difficult."

"I know the feeling." His hand went up to my head, and he started to brush my hair with his fingers.

"Who did you lose that day?" I asked quietly.

He paused, seeming to be confused.

"Huh?" He looked down at me.

"Your song. You just... you seem to get it. If you don't want to talk about them, it's okay." I felt my own arm go around him.

"I was one of the lucky ones - I didn't know anyone in those buildings."

_I guess my first impressions aren't always the best._

"I was there, though. On a ferry. I saw the first building go down, and I was surrounded by people who knew someone in there. I just... I pick up on peoples' energies. I'm overly empathetic, and it hurts to see so many people go through that kind of agony."

I remained quiet, and held on to every word he spoke. He had his legs bent upward and rested his arm on his knees. My legs were folded under myself, my head remaining on his shoulder.

"Where were you when... you know...?" he asked slowly.

"My mother's house. She lives across town. We were preparing a breakfast for her friends, and the news broke. My mother... she literally collapsed on the floor. She couldn't stop crying," I said as a few more tears fell. "I never saw her like that. She said she was prepared for that kind of news when I was little, but after Dad was honorably discharged, she said she stopped worrying."

Gerard pulled me in tighter, and brushed my hair again with his fingers, almost rocking me a bit.

"Nothing felt real to me. I just saw him that morning, and he was happy. He was always so happy. I remember the last thing he said to me... 'I love you, Jadey. Play that bass piece for your pop when I come home.' He was crushed when the tower collapsed."  
By that time I was full-blown crying, no longer able to contain it. Gerard held me, in a slow rocking motion, letting me cry all over my father's sweater, soaking it.

"I'm so sorry," he said, sounding like he was a little choked up. "I'm so, so sorry, Jade."

"You said it all in your song," I said quietly. "I asked where my angel was that day, too. Sometimes I still think this is a nightmare I can't wake up from."

He didn't say anything. He merely pulled back, hesitated for a moment, and left a gentle kiss on my forehead. My hair was messy, my eyes were red and puffy from crying, and my nose was running a little. He grabbed a tissue and handed it to me so I could blow my nose. He was so kind and patient.

"I'm sorry. You probably don't like this. You probably want to get out of here," I said, feeling embarrassed from becoming a wreck in front of him. "I just... I haven't talked about him in a very, very long time."

"I want to stay here," he said quietly. "I don't want to leave you."

There was a pregnant pause as we both looked at each other. I wanted to kiss him - I wanted to melt against him and be that way forever. I spent a year feeling so empty and felt little point in life, and here this strange man just came into my life out of nowhere and started to fill the hole. I barely knew him, and he was giving me a new reason to live.

"You ever feel like you've known someone all your life, yet in reality you've known them for such a small amount of time?" he asked quietly.

_That's an odd question._

"Yes," I said replied in the same quiet voice. "Like their soul just clicks with yours."

He suddenly placed his hand against mine, which just set aside the tissue, and felt his warmth settle against my palm. I looked up at him, his hazel eyes staring back into mine. He was gentle, kind, so patient with someone like me.

"Thank you," I said suddenly. "Thank you."

"For what?" He rubbed my back, watching me closely.

"For just being here. For being you."

He looked taken aback. He blinked a few times.

"Uglyass me? I'm nothing special. I scream into a microphone and get shit-faced every night, I live in my mom's basement, and I draw comics. I don't do anything good for the world."

"I think that'll change. Also... for what it's worth, you do good in my world."

He looked up at me and saw me weakly smiling at him. He slowly returned it, still appearing to be full of self-doubt.

* * *

 

By the time three in the afternoon rolled around, my phone rang, and I was surprised to hear from Frank.

"Hey Jaded," he said before I could finish answering.

"Jaded?" I quirked my eyebrow.

"It seems to fit you. Did Gerard leave, or is he still hanging around there?" I could almost hear the smirk in Frank's voice.

I looked up from my spot at the kitchen table and saw Gerard sitting on the couch, his leg propped on the coffee table, drawing something in my notebook.

"He's here. You need to talk to him?"

Gerard looked up from his drawing and looked slightly alarmed.

"Nah. Just wonderin'. You wanna hang out sometime? You could come to my place."

"I'm not sure. Gerard said you have a lot of shit there. Would I fit through the door?" I snickered.

I heard Gerard laugh while he went back to his drawing.

"Gerard is lying. So what do you say? Wanna hang out at my place some time?" He sounded a bit eager. "I have a Playstation."

I smiled a bit.

"Sure. When I get my new schedule, I'll call you and let you which days I'm off."

"Sounds good. Catch ya later, Jaded." Frank hung up on me.

I pulled the phone from my ear and stared down at it.

"What an odd man." I shrugged and put my phone on the table, then walked over to Gerard.

"What'cha drawing?" I asked as I sat next to him.

"Just doin' a little abstract. It's just the outline now since I don't have my stuff with me."

He looked up at me and smiled, his wonky vampire tooth sticking out over his bottom lip.

"Was that Frank?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?" I rested my arm on the back of the couch next to his head, watching his hand glide over the paper.

"He gives people dumb nicknames and has a lot of shit in his place."

"So I've heard."

"You're going there?" He stopped drawing and looked at me, sounding slightly jealous.

_Nah. That's gotta be my imagination._

"I think so. Maybe you could come as well. I like spending time with you."

"Frank's place kinda gives me a headache. Maybe if you had him over here instead -"

"- Or if we went to your place." I smiled at him.

He frowned.

"I live in my parents' basement. Not exactly the best place to have company."

"Have a window?" I asked suddenly.

"Yeah." He went back to outlining his drawing. "Odd question."

"I'm full of them."

* * *

 

After a while we decided to watch _Labyrinth_ , despite it being a kid movie. But hey, David Bowie.

"I'm still tickled that you're a Bowie fan," I said as I watched the man himself appear on screen as Jareth, the Goblin King.

"How can I not be? He's a real artist. He's someone I really admire."

_Aw. Your childhood crush is the hero for your new crush. Aren't you a fucking sixteen-year-old girl._

"I think that's awesome." I looked at him and smiled.

We were shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch by that point.

"I could see you being Sarah," he said suddenly. "Wishing for the Goblin King to take away your annoying little brother." He giggled.

"Why do I have to be Sarah? She's kinda annoying."

"Because I'm the Goblin King," he said in a sassy voice.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, him looking back at me with his best Jareth facial impression he could muster.

"You come off as more of a Hoggle to me," I replied coolly.

Gerard scrunched up his face and turned away.

"Ouch. I get to be covered in warts and pissing in ponds."

"Oh, come, come, Hogbrain," I said in an English accent, earning a glare from Gerard.

"Oh, I'm kidding. Goblin King, Goblin King!" I chanted.

"Sarah, go back to your room. Play with your toys and your costumes. Forget about the baby," he quoted, sitting up into a crouching position above me.

"Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City, to take back the child that you have stolen. My will is as strong as yours, and my Kingdom as great..."

"Stop!" Gerard exclaimed.

"Shit, I forgot the next line," I said, still mimicking Sarah's voice, only adding my own ring to it.

"I ask for so little," he quoted, sitting up on the couch. "Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your _slave_."

He was crouching while staring down at me. I suddenly looked at him with widened eyes, feigning an epiphany.

"You have no power over me!"

Gerard put his hand over his heart and collapsed on the couch.

"It's official. We're dorks," I said with a laugh.

"Dorks with good taste. I wish I could pull off those outfits," Gerard said as he stared at one of Jareth's crazy costumes.

"That tight-fitting, eh?" I looked at him with a smirk.

He blushed.

"Well... I mean, they wouldn't have to be _that_ tight because... you know...." He grew redder and became more flustered.

"Relax. I'm teasing ya." I wrapped my arm around his and leaned against him while watching the movie.

Then I realized I was holding on to the arm of a man I barely knew, whom I poured my guts out to earlier that day. Who I was watching a cheesy kids' movie starring David Bowie with. Who spent the night on my couch because he was drunk, so he could be safe.

I let go of his arm and apologized, taking a proper seat on the couch. My head was spinning and I felt the need to lay down. Things moved quickly - I didn't like fast changes.

Gerard looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" He pushed his sketch aside and kept his eyes on me. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You're fine." I smiled at him to reassure him. "Hey, when do you guys play in the city again?"

"We're playing at a club called Jester's on Friday." He scratched his nose. "See you there?"

"See you there." I looked away from him and watched David Bowie's character fluidly moving crystal balls in his hand.


	5. Cuts Like A Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade visits Jester's to see MCR. Things go terribly, and Frank has to go up to bat for her when Gerard's drunken, jealous ways get the best of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously all clubs mentioned in this story are fake. I'm too lazy to use the names of real clubs, and I really don't wanna get sued. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading!

From the moment I got in the taxi to venture off to the strange club called Jester's, I had a gut feeling that it was going to be a very strange night. For one thing, the place was farther from my apartment than Brittle End. The taxi ride was about forty minutes because of traffic, and I was stuck with a rather odd driver.

"You from here?" the driver asked me halfway through the trip, having remained silent the first twenty minutes.

"No. I moved here when I was thirteen." I shot his review mirror a look, letting him know I was suspicious.

I heard too many stories about people getting in cabs and things going horribly wrong. I had my cell phone and a can of mace ready. I had it legally! It was a pain in the ass to go through the work to get the tiny bottle of mace, but my father insisted as soon I was the legal age to carry it.

"How old are you now?" the driver asked, and it was then when I caught a side view of his face - he looked like he was about fifty-something, and had a graying beard.

_You aren't supposed to ask a lady her age._

"Twenty-three," I replied, feeling myself clamp down with anxiety.

_I'm bringing Jermaine with me on all my odd adventures. I don't have to be scared with him by my side._

"You're dressed up nice. You go to Jester's often?" I saw him glance at his rear-view mirror, which I was glaring at.

"No," I replied coolly.

"Want to arrange to have me pick you up at the end of your night?" I felt a chill go up my spine from his creepy-sounding voice, which was quite deep with a Bronx accent.

_Okay. He's getting too weird._

"No. I'm meeting my boyfriend," I lied. "He couldn't take me because he's training."

The guy looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. One thing I always had going for me was my ability to lie - I didn't like to lie, but my father taught me one of the best ways to stay safe in the city was to act calm, and believe the bullshit you had spilling out of your mouth because it could save your life. My father was a Sergeant in the Marine Corps, so instead of being sent to karate classes and any girl's or women's self-defense classes, my dad trained me to use some very basic self-defense techniques. I was lucky.

"Training for what?" the guy asked as he eyeballed me.

"He's a master of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and he's training for his next fight. I've been kinda worried about him - the last time he was in one of his fights he broke the guy's nose and gave him a comminuted fracture in his arm. That was just the first round. I hate to see him lose control and hurt someone even worse in his next fight."

The guy tightened his hands on his steering wheel and stared straight ahead, not saying another word to me.

_That's what I thought._

The second issue with going there was that I didn't know anyone there except for the band, which made my mild social anxiety seem a little more extreme that night. The place, which was twice the size of Brittle End, was absolutely _packed_. The crowd seemed sleazier - my first five minutes in the dimly lit club, I was half sure I saw a prostitution deal go down, I saw a dope deal, and there were frat kids playing beer bong at the back of the club, far away from where the band played.

Lucky for me, I didn't have to be on my own for long, because Gerard found me within five minutes of me wandering around in the club. He took me by the arm and pulled me out the back door where the rest of the band were huddled, cold from the October air, and were hauling their equipment inside.

"Glad you're here," Gerard said as he pulled me into an awkward half-hug, already drunk. "Guys, Jade's here!"

Everyone but Matt said hi to me. Matt had a rather attractive girl in his company, and was busy twirling drumsticks to impress her instead of hauling in his drumset. Unfortunately, it appeared Ray was doing that instead.

_That must be Matt's new girlfriend._

"Hey, we on for tomorrow?" Frank asked as he approached me, pulling me from Gerard's grasp.

"What's on tomorrow?" Gerard slurred, stepping closer to us.

Frank looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"Dude, I told you like a million times, we're hanging out and playing video games. Don't get too shit-faced because you're supposed to come."

"Why am I never invited?" Ray muttered as he walked past us with a snare drum in its case.

"Because you hate my place!" Frank called after Ray, then went back to talking to me.

_God, he's cute. I have an actual emotional attachment to Gerard now, but Frank still makes me feel all funny...._

_Like when Bugs Bunny would dress up as a girl bunny?_

_Fucking Wayne's World quotes._

"I'm fine. I'm not even drunk." Gerard smiled as he leaned back, apparently thinking the van was behind him, and nearly fell backwards while Frank and I grabbed him by the arms to pull him up.

"You're drunk, Gerard," I said dully.

"Maybe a little bit." He giggled.

I sighed. I hated seeing him like that. He was so much _better_ than that. He needed help.

"Hey bro, you gotta get set up," Mikey said as he approached us with his bass in its case. "Go!"

Gerard groaned and stumbled off. Mikey rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Thanks for taking him in last time. Our parents wanted me to bring over a dish of food for you, but I told them that'd be kinda awkward." Mikey looked off to the side as he shrugged.

I smiled. "Your parents sound sweet. I just wanted to make sure he was safe."

"I think he was better than safe," Frank said with a snicker.

"Frank. Gross." Mikey rolled his eyes.

"He just always seems happier when Jaded comes around." Frank shrugged, playing cutesy, and put his arm around my shoulders.

"You give people the dumbest nicknames, Frank." Mikey walked past us with his bass, leaving me, Frank, Matt, and mystery woman.

"You know, I always had a thing for drummers," I overheard the girl say in a flirtatious voice. " _Especially_ the ones willing to party."

"Really? 'Cause I always had a thing for cute blondes who like to party...." I caught Matt kissing the woman, making me cringe and turn away.

"Come with me," Frank said as he opened the van door.

We climbed inside the van, which was pretty spacious, and he sat down in the very back next to me. He took out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one; I waved my hand.

"Forgot. Gerard said you don't smoke. Do you drink? Or... do anything fun?" He blew out some smoke as he rested his elbow on the back of the seat.

"I walk the straight and narrow, I guess. Pretty lame, huh?" I almost felt a little peer pressure.

"Nah. It's cool. Chicks like you are cool - you don't give a fuck if someone's doing their own thing, you stick to your ways, and you still seem to care about people anyway. You got a sister?" Frank grinned.

"No. Only child. Sorry!" I smiled at him.

"Giving you shit." Frank took another drag of his cigarette.

"Who's the girl attaching herself to Matt?" I glanced out the passenger window and saw the girl groping Matt.

"Tiffany." Frank rolled his eyes. "Ray knows the situation more than me. I just know the chick is a real party hound."

I caught Matt sliding his hands down to grab her ass.

"They could at least go somewhere private for that," I commented, sitting a little closer to Frank for some warmth.

"Yeah, no shit, right?" Frank suddenly tapped on the window, making the pair break apart and look at us.

" _Get a fucking room_!" Frank shouted through the window, making me plug my ears to block the noise.

I saw Matt give Frank the finger before he went back to his groping session with Tiffany.

"Dumbshit." Frank sat back and pulled out a Game Boy Advance from his pocket, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth.

"You can play one of those with gloves on?" I asked, noting the fingerless, skeleton-printed gloves he wore the night I met him.

"Of course. Just can't see the screen for shit in this lighting."

I looked down at the game he was playing, and thought it was pretty cool he had an actual _hand-held_ game piece. I thought the arcade machines were neat enough - you could hold them right in your hands then! The screen was pretty hard to see.

"What are you playing?" I asked as I squinted my eyes to try to see the screen, also admiring the black coating of the game piece itself - most of the ones I saw were usually white.

"Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2." He pushed a few buttons. "Motherfucker!"

"What happened?" I tried to keep my head away from blocking his view, but it was almost hard not to since I couldn't see the screen for shit.

Did I feel mildly lame for liking video games so much at twenty-three? Kinda. But they were so interesting to me, and it made me half-wish I studied technology instead of psychology when I was in school.

"Fucking failed," Frank said as he pushed the start button on the game. "I wish they made the screens so you can see what the hell you're doing."

The door to the van opened then, which made Frank and me jump. We turned our attention to the door, and saw Gerard looking at us, sitting in the back of the van, me leaning against Frank to see his game screen. Gerard stared for a few moments, looking like he was _glaring_ at us, before shaking his head and slamming the door. I stared with my mouth half-open, mind completely off the game, confused by his movements. I looked at Frank and saw him shaking his head as well, pinching his brow.

"Oh boy, drunk and jealous Gerard. That'll be sweet." He butted his cigarette in a bottle of soda and turned off his game.

"We were just sitting here, talking, and you were playing your game!" I exclaimed, still feeling a bit lost. "Why'd he react like that?"

"Here's the thing, Jaded: Gerard's hot for you. I don't know what kinda thing you two got rolling, but he gets jealous - _especially_ when he's drinking. There might be some weird shit going down tonight. Don't worry, though, I got you covered." He smiled at me.

"My confidant?" I asked as I watched him get up from his seat.

"Exactly."

* * *

 

Like my gut told me earlier, that night sucked ass. There were several reasons, and the main one was Gerard refusing to talk to me after seeing Frank and me in the van. He was pouring down more drinks, and seemed really fucked by the end of the first set.

"Alright, moferfuckers," he slurred. "We're breaking, so do whatever the fuck you want 'till we're done." He dropped the mic and wobbled off the stage, off to the bar.

Mikey picked up Gerard's mic, and Frank came off the stage immediately and guided me over to Gerard. By the time we reached him, there was a girl with red hair leaning on his shoulder, and they were giggling. I stopped a yard away from them and stared, feeling a hole burn in my stomach.

"Fuckall," Frank mumbled when we came to a halt. "This is _really_ out of character for him."

I saw the girl walking her fingers up Gerard's arm, leaning into him. She was incredibly fit and wore a very tight-fitting outfit, which _did_ look good on her. I still felt jealous, even though Gerard and I weren't actually together. Part of me wanted to yell at her, another part of me wanted to compliment her because she was pretty and had good taste in clothing. Being a woman could be very confusing.

That's when Frank surprised me and walked over to Gerard and the mystery woman. Frank tapped the woman on the shoulder, making her turn away from Gerard. I caught a look at her blue eyes and noticed they were a little glazed, indicating that she might have been a little drunk. She pressed a hand to Frank's chest.

There were an exchanged of words before the woman hauled off and slapped Frank across the face, then _spat_ at him before she pushed past Gerard and disappeared into the crowd. I was absolutely flabbergasted, and really wanted to know what he said to her. Frank rubbed his cheek, which already looked pretty red. I approached Frank and Gerard, still feeling a little sore at Gerard, and felt a rotten combo of anxiety and nausea.

_Frank took a slap to the face for me. What a guy!_

"The fuck, you want her, too?" Gerard asked Frank as he took a drink from a tumbler.

"No. The fuck did you think was going on earlier?" Frank, who was so small, was sizing up Gerard.

"Looked too friendly to me," Gerard said with venom in his voice.

"Gerard, Frank's my friend," I said as I approached him.

"And I'm your friend, too. We're all just friends and that's all just fine, isinit?" he slurred, staring at me with glazed, angry eyes.

I sighed. "Frankie...."

" _Frankie_?" Gerard parroted. "That's nice."

He stepped past us and walked to the back door.

"When he sobers up, if he remembers any of this, he's going to feel like shit," Frank said as he guided me back to the stage. "You cool with hanging by the side of the stage the rest of the gig - if you stay for all of it?"

"Yeah, that's fine." I sighed, my arms folded across my chest. "Why is he behaving like a petulant child?"

"Told ya - he's hot for you and nothing's happening. Dude's got low self-esteem and is pretty much frightened to talk to girls."

I rolled my eyes, then stopped us and checked out the bruise that was starting to form on his cheek.

"I can't believe you took a slap for me."

He snickered.

"You owe me big time, Jaded." He paused for a moment. "I'm kidding. Besides, she had a groupie vibe to me. That's not cool."

"What'd you say to her to piss her off?"

"She asked me if I wanted to have a good time, then I told her that Gerard was my boyfriend and she needed to go find a different dick to suck."

I froze in my spot, feeling a little bad for the girl, and feeling borderline mortified for everyone in the situation.

"Christ, Frank, you could've been a little nicer to her." I sighed.

"What'd you expect? She was all over your boyfriend -" I glared at him, and he corrected himself, "- _kind-of_ boyfriend, so I had to stop it."

"Gerard could've stopped it...." I said quietly, which made Frank scowl a little.

"You have a point. Dude is out of his head. Let's see what's going on out here."

After resuming our walking, we stopped at the back door, which Frank opened. We caught the pleasant sight of Gerard puking in the yard, being comforted by Ray and Mikey.

"Ah, fuck a duck," Frank said as he hurried over to Gerard.

I ran to Gerard, and took over for Mikey by putting my hand on his back, and pushed his jacket out of the way. His body shook as the bile in his stomach came up. He shuddered and started tipping to the side - my side, and was caught by Mikey and Frank butting in. Ray pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me to clean Gerard's face.

"Come on, sit down," I said as I lured him over to the van, which he seemed a little reluctant to do.

"I'm fine," he said, coughing up more bile, then wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand.

"Christ, Gerard, are you going to be able to keep going tonight?" Mikey asked, who was also intoxicated by that point.

"Yeah," Gerard said as he stood up. "Just thought of a shit memory that made me barf. I'm good."

He shot me an angry glance before he walked back into the club, Mikey and Ray following him.

"He's angry with me!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in the air.

"He'll get over it," Frank said as he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"He must have some sort of fantasy that we're dating, and he's so insecure that me talking to _you_ specifically bothers him." I shook my head. "Why _you_? He saw me talk to Ray, Matt, and Mikey and didn't seem to have a problem."

My head was pounding, and the smell of vomit didn't help my nausea.

Frank sighed. "It's easier for me to talk to girls than it is for him. I think he resents that. Also, the hell is taking you two so long? He's got it for you, I can tell you like him. Just fucking get together already."

I crossed my arms and looked at Frank with a sour look.

"We're friends. I really like him, and I'm afraid if we try something, it'll go bad and he won't want to be my friend. Also, if he likes me so much, why doesn't _he_ initiate something?"

"He's shy. You kinda have to take the reins here, Jaded." He rubbed my shoulder in a comforting manner.

"I hate seeing him like this. I hate what he's doing. He's so much better than this." Part of me felt the urge to cry, part of me felt like hitting something would make me feel better.

"I know. I hate seeing him like this, too." Frank shook his head before giving me a quick hug. "Let's get back inside and get warmed up. You want another Coke?"

"How'd you know that's what I drink?" I asked as I let him guide our way back into the club, Frank's arm swung over my shoulders.

"I do have a nose, after all." He let go of me once we reached the door. "Don't wanna piss him off any more."

Once we were back inside, I saw Gerard sitting on the stage, a cup in hand, while Mikey and Ray were talking to each other near Matt's drum kit. I looked around the area for Matt, and caught him doing a line of coke off the bar top with Tiffany and a couple other girls watching him.

_Fucking wow._

"Talk to him," Frank muttered in my ear before he walked up on the stage to join Ray and Mikey's conversation.

I hesitated for a second before approaching Gerard, who had a cigarette in hand with his beer.

"Hi Gerard," I said as I sat next to him.

He mumbled something in return, refusing to look at me.

"I don't know what's running through your mind, but it really _isn't_ what you're expecting. I don't have any feelings for Frank. He's my friend."

_That's a borderline lie. I do have a little interest in Frank, but it's not enough to get my eyes off of Gerard._

"Uh huh," Gerard replied. "Why were you so close to him in the van? In _Mikey's and my_ van?"

He finally looked at me, his eyes appearing slightly wet. I could see him visibly shaking.

"We were looking at Frank's game. He invited us to his place to play games and hang out tomorrow. That means you were invited, too. I don't understand why you're upset about this."

Gerard scoffed.

"Frank gets all the girls. Anyone I become remotely interested in ends up with Frank."

I let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm not interested in him, Gerard. You're acting like we're dating."

Gerard looked away from me, looking like a drunk, angry little man. It was just getting pathetic at that point, even though the rational side of my mind kept repeating paragraphs of essays and chapters in books on addiction. I hated that side of him, but recognized it was an illness. Something drove him to be that way, and like anyone else with a mental illness, he still deserved to be treated like a human.

"Gerard," I said as I slid closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I care about you, and I hate seeing you like this. You should stop drinking for the night, have some coffee, and sing."

"What if I don't want to stop drinking?" he asked bitterly.

I looked at him, taken aback, and felt a little insulted.

_Remember your training.... Remember everything you studied...._

"Then someone who means quite a lot to me could end up dead. _Again_."

"Maybe it'd be better off that way," Gerard mumbled.

_Fuck the training._

I grabbed the drink from his hand and threw it, making him shout in protest when he saw his drink splatter on the dance floor, some of the beer splashing a few bystanders, who didn't seem to notice the drink. A few people turned and stared for a second before going back to doing their own thing. I head the guys approaching us from behind.

"Don't ever say that," I warned, my eyes beginning to fill with tears. "Don't you _ever_ say that."

"What's wrong?" Ray asked as he knelt down next to us.

"Nothing. Everything's good, dawg!" Gerard exclaimed as he put his arm around Ray's shoulders.

"I've gotta go," I said as I hopped off the stage.

"This early? Come on, Jade," Ray begged, becoming subject to Gerard petting his hair. "Please. Stay."

I looked back at Ray, Mikey, and Frank, who all looked a little lost.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." I waved at them, and left.

* * *

 

I took the bus home and rode as far in the back as I could manage, trying to avoid the stray heroine user, a few drunks, and some couples who appeared to be either going to or coming back from a date. I took my seat and fought back the tears, knowing that crying over something I had no control over never did much good.

It was around two in the morning when I woke to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I groaned, having been stripped down to my pajamas, and answered it.

"Hello?" came my groggy voice.

"You okay?" Frank asked right away.

"Hi Frankie," I said as I rolled over onto my back. "No. I'm not okay."

"Gerard's passed out in the van. He dropped at the end of the third set. Club made us leave."

"Where the hell are you guys?" I asked as I sat up, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Well, Gerard's parents don't like him coming back when he's fucked up like this, so we dropped Mikey off at his house, then we ditched Matt and Tiffany at Matt's place. Ray and I are still in the van, and we have no idea what to do with Gerard."  
I sighed, and hesitated for a moment.

"You guys can bring him here if you want. Any chance you could get some of his clothes and his toiletries? He had to wear my father's clothes last time."

"That reminds me," Frank said suddenly, "he was going to give them back to you. He even washed them. He said they were special."

"They are," I said quietly. "Just... please just bring him here, leave him with a change of clothes, and bring a puke bucket in case he decides to spew." I pinched my brow again, feeling another headache coming on.

"Alright. Thanks, Jaded. Hey, Ray, get us to Gerard's house. We gotta get him clothes and shit. Jade's taking him in."

"Thank god," I heard Ray say in the background.

"If you know where it is, grab one of his sketching books and some of his pencils. He draws when he's here," I added.

"Got it. Want one of us to stay over with you guys to make sure he doesn't go psycho when he comes out of his drunken coma?" Frank sounded a little concerned.

"No. I know he's not going to do anything to harm himself. From where I sleep, I'll be able to keep an eye on him."

"No rest for the wicked." I could hear Frank smirking.

"Naturally. I'll wait for you guys. My apartment number is 205. Do you have the address?"

"Yeah. Gerard had it in his wallet."

I paused for a moment. "You went through his pockets?"

"Well, yeah. You're kinda marked as an emergency for him. We're on our way to his place. We should be there in about twenty minutes."

"Alright. Thanks, Frankie." I got out of bed.

"No problem." Frank hung up on me, and I climbed down from my loft.

* * *

 

I set up the couch for Gerard, and waited on the balcony with my bathrobe clung tightly to my frame, watching for their van. They arrived about five minutes late, and I waved at them, getting their attention.

I went back inside and got the door. It wasn't long before they dropped Gerard off on the couch and said good night. Frank and Ray both hugged me before leaving. They looked exhausted as they marched down the hall. I locked my door and approached Gerard, who was passed out and smelled horrible from vomiting, drinking, and I guessed not showering.

He was sweating in his sleep, which I used the back of my robe sleeve to wipe up. I sat on the floor next to him, brushing his hair back, making him roll on his side toward me in his sleep. I saw a small smile creep across his lips.

"Jade," he mumbled.

"Hey," I said gently. "You're awake."

"Couch," he said quietly, sounding drunk off his ass, as he rolled onto his back.

He was gone then. He went back to his drunken coma, leaving me sitting next to the couch, feeling a little foolish. I stood up, and felt his hand grab mine, making me jump a little.

"Stay," he grumbled. "Please."

I sighed. "You want me to sleep on the floor next to you?"

My patience _was_ starting to wear a little thin. I was tired, and I had to work the previous day on an unexpected nine hour shift. I felt desperate for sleep.

"No. Next to me. _Please_." He slowly opened his eyes, staring up at me.

I felt mildly anxious about sleeping next to him. I _wanted_ to, but it was preferably when he wasn't drunk. Exhausted from the overflow of emotions that night, I caved in.

"Can you make it up to the loft? There isn't much room on the couch."

"Okay." He slowly sat up, then started retching.

I grabbed the bucket Ray brought in and let him puke in it. I rubbed his back while he gagged and let it out yet again. He thanked me, and I helped him over to the ladder.

"I'll be right up. I'm just going to go wash out the bucket," I instructed.

"'Kay," he said as he slowly climbed up the ladder.

I poured water into the pail and dumped it down the toilet, then rinsed it out again with some liquid soap. The puke smell was mainly gone. I hurried back out and saw Gerard flopped on my bed with his arm over the rail. I sighed and climbed back up to bed, and placed the bucket next to him.

"I'm such an asshole," he said, seeming to sober up a little bit. "You were just watching him play a game."

"We all do stupid things. I'm not angry with you." I laid next to him, both of us on our backs.

_That's a slight lie, but he looks like he's feeling pretty bad. Best not make it worse._

"Why do you continue to be nice to me? I don't deserve it," he said as he rested his head on his arm, which was still hanging on the railing.

"Because I care about you." I turned over and rested my hand on his arm. "I hate seeing you sick and doing this stuff. You're so much better than this."

"It's how I cope," he said quietly. "It's how I deal with the world."

"There are other ways," I responded, making him turn his head toward me.

"God, I was such a jackass earlier," he said quietly with a sniffle.

_Oh, Gerard...._

"I do dumb things, too. It's alright. Just get some sleep. Tomorrow's a new day, and things will be better." I rubbed his arm in a comforting manner, and saw him turn his head to weakly smile at me.

"Yeah. New day. Good night, Jade."

"Good night, Gerard," I said quietly, watching him lay his head on my pillow and drop his arm from the railing.

Just as I was about to turn away from him, he grabbed my hand and pulled it close to him, and held my hand as he fell asleep, mumbling about how ugly the world was, and something being beautiful.


	6. Frank Has A Lot of Shit

The next morning, I woke to the feeling of something pinning me to the mattress. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the light before I looked down at myself, seeing Gerard's arm draped over my stomach. I turned my head and saw him laying on his stomach, appearing to be sound asleep.

Still feeling tired from the previous night, I stayed there and watched him sleep, hearing him mumble something occasionally. I ran my fingers across the top of his hand and sighed, feeling comfortable like that. I carefully rolled onto my side so I was facing him, and felt like I could nod off again. Gerard turned onto his side and faced me, and I was able to smell his breath - it was anything but pleasant.

A small smile spread across his face as I felt his arm pull me toward him. He started to cuddle me, and seemed to be half awake. I thought I heard my name escape his lips.

_Friends don't do this...._

I closed my eyes and sighed again, letting him hug me to him. I felt his forehead press to mine, and felt how sweaty he was. He was sleeping in jeans and a t-shirt, which had to be anything but comfortable. I kept my apartment very warm, because I would be damned in the seven circles of Hell before I'd freeze in Jersey.

Just as I was getting comfortable, I felt his warmth leave me. I opened my eyes as he turned over to put his back to me. I scowled a bit, though I really shouldn't have expected anything to come of the cuddling.

_Friends don't do that... guy friends don't share beds with their women friends...._

"Gerard?" My voice was quiet.

"Morning," he said, his voice breaking. "You just wake up?"

He sounded a little on edge, and I noticed his head was turned down. I saw him pull his left arm out from under the covers to go to his forehead.

"Yeah," I lied. "Just woke up."

_He must have been in some odd half-way state in sleep._

He cleared his throat.

"Uh, is it okay if I use your shower?" he asked in a weak voice.

His head was still down. He was still turned away from me.

"Yes. Go ahead. I might rest a little more if it's okay," I said as I rolled onto my stomach and watched him, prepared to close my eyes at any moment.

"Thanks," he said.

I saw him turn his head to glance at me, and I quickly shut my eyes. He was breathing a little on the heavy side, and he seemed to move himself down and out of the bed very quickly. By the time I was able to count to thirty, he was in the bathroom, and I heard the lock click.

I opened my eyes and stared at the empty space next to me. I pushed myself to where he laid, and felt how warm it was. I could smell his deodorant, sweat, and liquor on the pillow. I hugged it to me and laid there for a bit before I decided to get dressed. He'd be a while back in the bathroom, so I pretty much counted on being safe to change.

_I hope he's not throwing up or something. He must have one hell of a hang over._

As soon as I was done dressing, Gerard came out of the bathroom, dressed, his hair (which was a deal longer than when we first met) wet and messy.

"Oh. You're up," he said as he noticed me sitting up on my mattress, looking down at him.

"Yeah," I said as my eyes wandered over his entire appearance. "Couldn't sleep."

He nodded, and grabbed his toothbrush and some deodorant out of the bag Frank and Ray dropped off the night before. He retreated back to the bathroom, and I sighed. I felt confused with the cuddling and his behavior, but decided to just brush it off for the time being and get some food and coffee going so he had something to put in his stomach.

I climbed down from my bed and started some breakfast on the stove, and got a pot of coffee going. I heard Gerard coming out of the bathroom as soon as I had some ham going on the stove with some eggs and pancakes. I turned around and saw him putting his stuff back in his bag. He stopped in his spot and looked at me, then stood up straight. He appeared to still be a little out of it.

"Breakfast? You'll feel better," I said before I flipped the eggs.

He hugged his jacket to himself and looked off to the side for a moment.

"Sure," he said quietly before he approached the table.

I continued cooking in silence, not really knowing what to say to him. I noticed him tapping his fingers on the table, appearing to be anxious.

"Hey, uh... I don't really remember a lot from last night," he said sheepishly as I plated some eggs, pancakes, and ham for him, "But I know I was a real prick to you. I'm really sorry."

"I knew it wasn't you talking," I said as I put his plate in front of him. "I'm not mad at you."

_Okay, I am a little upset with him. But it really wasn't him last night - he was fucked up._

_It's not like you're dating the guy anyway._

"You... aren't? How come?"

I finished plating my food and sat it across from him on the table, then poured two cups of coffee.

"Because I know you fairly well by now, and know you're not a bad guy." I sat a mug of coffee down in front of him, then took a seat across from him.

He stared down at his plate, appearing to be a good mix of guilty and embarrassed.

"Eat," I said as I gently pushed his plate closer to him. "We're supposed to be at Frank's by one."

"You sure you want me to come with?" he asked cautiously while picking up his fork.

"Of course. It'll be fun. Now eat and drink your coffee. You'll feel better."

* * *

 

An hour passed since breakfast, and he was coming around. I gave him some pain Tylenol for his hangover, and noticed he made sure to keep his distance from me. Part of me wondered if he knew I was awake that morning.

The bus ride to Frank's was incredibly awkward. It was crowded as hell, so we were forced to be pushed against each other while we stood, waiting for our stop. We hit a giant pothole, which sent the bus jerking in every way, making Gerard press right against me again. He let out a shaky sigh and pushed away from me.

We were at Frank's place in just under half an hour, and oh boy, did he have a lot of shit.

"Jaded!" Frank exclaimed after he threw open his apartment door, which had a suspicious pot scent.

"Hi Frankie," I said as he gave me a hug, feeling how soft the black jacket he wore was.

He let go of me quickly when he noticed Gerard next to me. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door.

"Well? I think you have something to say to me," he said as he looked at Gerard.

I glanced at Gerard, who looked uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. Also... thanks for making sure I went some place safe. I'm sorry I was a dick to you guys."

"Apology accepted. Come in!" Frank moved aside and gestured for us to go inside.

We spent the next several hours playing Batman & Robin, Crypt Killer, and another game I couldn't quite place. Lacking a gaming console, I wasn't in the loop with all the video games. After we (mainly me and Frank) played games, all of us agreed on a movie: "Night of The Living Dead."

"Gerard, have you been sketching this whole time?" Frank asked as he glanced over me to look at Gerard's drawing, which was resting on his knee he had over his right leg.

I hadn't been paying attention to what he was drawing, and by the time I turned to look at it, he closed his book.

"No," Gerard said as he tucked it between his hip and the couch.

"Whatever, dude." Frank got up and went through his tapes to find the movie we settled on.

"What were you drawing?" I asked Gerard curiously.

He lit a cigarette and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just some dumb doodles. Nothing big."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Well, may I see? You know I love your art." I smiled at him.

I heard Frank snort. Gerard took his cigarette out of his mouth and sat there for a moment.

"It's nothing. I'll probably just toss it." He flicked his cigarette ash into an odd tie dye ashtray Frank had.

"Got it! You know, we could've settled on _Evil Dead_. I haven't watched that in a while," Frank said as he popped the tape in his VCR.

"Do you have anything besides horror movies?" I asked as I suddenly turned my attention to Frank, which was mildly difficult because of how dimly lit his apartment was, and how distracting some of his piled shit was.

He had boxes that were labeled with a black marker - " _Tapes_ ," " _Guitar cables_ ," " _Shit_."

"Well, yeah. But horror movies are the most fun to watch with people." He grinned at me before he stepped past some amps and his guitar case, an old lava lamp, and what looked suspiciously like a bong to get to his kitchen entry.

"You ever gonna clean this place up?" Gerard called as he rested his cigarette in the ashtray.

"No. I like it. No roaches, so I think things are fine," was Frank's response.

Gerard rolled his eyes before glancing at me. I caught his eye, and for a moment, we smiled bashfully at each other. Frank walked in on that moment with a beer in hand.

"Get a room," he mumbled as he sat next to me and took hold of his remote.

"Suck a dick," was my response, which made me clamp down for a moment.

They both looked at me in complete silence. I cursed myself in every way possible, feeling like an idiot for such a crude remark. Fran and I always had that level of humor and we both got a laugh out of it. With Gerard and Frank? I had no idea.

I saw them catch each others' eye while my face heated up before they both broke into laughter. I let out a sigh of relief, feeling my stomach doing flip flops that could have resulted in projectile vomiting from anxiety. Despite dealing with the public on the regular, I wasn't too good at the friending thing.

"Blow me," was Frank's response.

"You wish," I replied immediately.

"Ohhh...." Frank said with a laugh, looking tickled by this banter. "Shall I get in line?"

I saw Gerard looking mildly irritated out of the corner of my eye. From the outside, it really did look a little flirty. I definitely didn't want to flirt with Frank - _especially_ with Gerard there. Even though I was always a very monogamous person. And we weren't dating.

"There isn't a line. Dream on," I said as I turned my attention toward the TV, and watched as Barbara got her dumb ass caught in a zombie's arms. "Oh shit, Barbie, you done got yourself into some stupid shit. Now Johnny's gotta die because of you."

Gerard let out a quiet snort as he butted his cigarette.

"I should have changed my vote to _Evil Dead_ ," Frank whined as he crossed his legs and folded his arms over his chest.

"Two-thirds majority vote," Gerard said in a sing-song voice. "Besides, I haven't seen this in quite a while. We just watched _Dawn of The Dead_ about a month ago. Guess we went in the wrong direction."

"No kidding," I replied as I glanced at him, only to catch him looking at me.

He smiled at me, making me let out a quiet giggle before looking away. Frank looked at me and gave me a rather strange look before he smirked, apparently getting the situation. He scooted away from me a bit, then stretched his arms as he yawned, 'accidentally' pushing me so I was forced into Gerard's side. The very _feel_ of him made me feel a little hot and bothered.

"I, uh, gotta go to the bathroom," Gerard said as he pushed off from me and hurried down the dark hall to Frank's bathroom.

"You're so lame, Frank," I muttered as I quickly held myself up on Frank's rather ugly brown couch.

"That's 'You're so awesome, Frankie,' thanks." He grinned at me. "Seriously, what the hell happened last night? You two are all weird."

He then gasped.

"You two had sex."

My eyes widened as my face went completely red.

"No!" I hissed. "Keep your voice down. Nothing happened. We just... shared a bed."

Frank then let out an exaggerated gasp.

" _Sinners_ ," he hissed. "So... _nothing_ happened? Whose idea was that, anyway?"

"He was drunk off his ass and wanted to sleep up there. He went up there a couple times and thinks the loft is neat. Nothing happened." I cringed as I realized how that could've sounded.

"...why was he up in your bed?" Frank looked legitimately curious.

"He just asked if he could go up there. It's not like I hide anything, so it was fine. He pretty much goes up there every time he's over to either look for something, or to just... look at my apartment. I don't know."

"Gerard's creepy," Frank said as he turned back to the TV.

"A little. I don't mind." I felt a stupid smile form on my lips as I thought back to him sassing about my blank walls, and drawing a little zombie for me during his first visit.

"Hey, I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. You wanna come?" He looked at me with a smile.

"Oh. I didn't even know you had a birthday coming up! Yeah, of course. What day?" I smiled at him.

He suddenly made fists with his hands and showed me his knuckles.

_Halloween._

"I guess that's the clue," I said, gesturing toward his tattoos.

"It's pretty awesome being born that day. When's yours?" He crossed his legs and leaned into the back of his couch, looking comfortable.

The light from the black and white movie danced across his face, and I swore he looked so much younger than he was.

"June fourteenth." I noticed Gerard's sketchbook was laying on the couch, and he was still nowhere in sight.

I felt Frank nudge me and motioned for me to pick it up. I hesitated for a moment before deciding against it, which seemed to irritate him.

"Come on. It's not like he'd know," Frank said as he attempted to reach across me to grab it.

"Stop it," I hissed, giving his arm a good smack.

He sighed.

"Party pooper," he mumbled, sitting back in his seat.

"...yeah, alright. I'll ask her. I love you, too. We're at Frank's place. I know," came Gerard's voice as he entered the room.

He was on his cell phone, which looked like a slightly better phone than my Nokia. He sat next to me again and sighed.

"I'll be home later. ...yes." He stared down at his lap. "Okay. ...what? No, please...." Gerard let out a quiet groan. "She's probably not up for that. I... Bu-.... Okay, I'll ask."

Gerard pulled the phone from his ear and paused for a moment, then looked at me.

"It's my mother. She wants to talk to you," he said in an embarrassed tone.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, feeling quite surprised. "Um... sure."

I looked at Frank for reassurance, and he seemed to be completely unfazed.

"Here she is," Gerard said before handing his phone to me.

I looked at him with genuine fear in my eyes before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said after a moment of hesitation.

"Hello, dear! Oh, Gerard's talked about you so much, yet never brought you around for some reason! If it wasn't for Mikey, I'd think he was making up a nice young lady like you. How are you, dear?"

She sounded so... _nice_. Her accent didn't sound as strong as Gerard's.

"I'm doing well, thank you, Mrs. Way. How are you today?"

_Don't use the Walgreens voice!_

"I'm very well, dear. I was just asking Gerard if you would like to come over for dinner. My apologies for my son - he's quite shy despite how you see him when he's performing. Anyway, would you like to join us for dinner tonight, Jade? We'd all love to finally meet you properly."

I glanced at Gerard, who looked like he wanted to dig a hole and hide in it.

"Oh, um... well, I don't want to impose. I'm not sure I'm even dressed nice enough to meet you kind folks," I said as I glanced down at my jeans, Green Day tshirt, and denim jacket.

"Nonsense! Gerard said you dress very well. Please, do join us for dinner."

She sounded so sweet. I glanced at Gerard, and saw him staring straight at the floor, looking completely mortified.

"Please, dear? His grandma is just itching to meet you."

"Well... alright, yes. Yes, it'd be wonderful to have dinner with you all. What time should we be there?"

Gerard's head snapped up and he stared at me, his hazel eyes wide.

"We have a roast on, and it'll be ready in about an hour and a half. How soon can you two be here?"

"We'd just have to stop back at my place to get his bag, then we could be there. Is that alright with you, Mrs. Way?" I shut my eyes tight and tried to keep my composure.

"That sounds wonderful. See you soon." She sounded delighted.

"See you soon, Mrs. Way. Goodbye."

"Buh-bye, dear," she said, and I heard the line click.

I handed Gerard back his phone, then looked between him and Frank.

"Ah... we gotta go. We have to get your bag from my apartment, and go to your house. Your mother and grandmother are waiting for us."

"Oh no," Gerard said as he pressed his hand to his face. "They're going to break out the album."

"I hope so," Frank said with a snicker. "Well? Go on, you two. Get out of here! I'll just watch this by myself. Don't disappoint your future mother-in-law!"

Gerard and I were standing up together and glared at Frank in unison, making him laugh.

* * *

 

It took about forty-five minutes for us to get to my apartment to get his bag, then take a cab to Gerard's house. It looked like quite a nice house from the outside, and it felt almost wrong to enter a strange house without at least knocking. I was greeted by a very warm, well-lit home that smelled like roast beef and something being baked.

"Gerard! There you are," a striking blonde woman exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around Gerard, who was a bit taller than her. "Oh, you have got to stop that drinking so you can be home."

Gerard looked like he was wishing he was anywhere but there. The lady turned to me and smiled kindly.

"Hello, dear. It's so nice to finally meet you," she said as she hugged a light blue sweater to herself.

"You too. Thank you for inviting me to dinner. That's very kind," I said, feeling incredibly awkward before I stretched my hand out to shake hers.

Instead, she closed the gap between us and gave me a tight hug.

"You take such good care of my son. What a wonderful young woman you are," she said in my ear, squeezing the life out of me.

"Mom, please, she's going to pop," Gerard said, sounding extremely embarrassed.

Mrs. Way released me and put her hand on Gerard's cheek.

"Oh, Gerard, you sound so much like your father sometimes. Well, come on, you two! Get those jackets off and come in!"

"Quick - what's your grandma's last name?" I asked as I took off my coat while Mrs. Way hurried out of the entrance to go back into the kitchen.

"Rush. But she probably won't let you call her that," Gerard mumbled as he shed his jacket.

"There you are, son," came a male voice, making me look up to see Gerard's dad, who was well filled out and gray-headed.

"Hi, Dad," Gerard said, bracing himself for a hug from his father.

Part of me was touched by seeing it, and part of me felt a little envious.

"Hello, young lady. Gerard's talked about you quite a lot." He smiled at me as he pulled away from Gerard, and it was then when I realized he was a little bit taller than Gerard. "Welcome to our home. It's nice to finally meet you."

"You too, Mr. Way. I'm sorry this is such short noti-" he cut me off by giving me a giant bear hug, which threw my mind off track completely.

It'd be a long time since a father-figure put their arms around me.

"Nonsense. You're always welcome here. Come on, you have a certain someone's grandmother to meet," he said as he put his arm around me and started walking me into the kitchen, Gerard following close behind.

We walked into a cozy room with white walls, and seated at the table was an elderly woman whose eyes looked like Gerard's. She appeared to be tired, and seemed to show her years of worry and struggle on her face. Somehow, she still didn't seem frail, and had a sense of life to her.

"Gerard," she said with a smile as Gerard stepped past me and his dad (who let go of my shoulder by then), and leaned down to kiss his grandmother on the cheek.

"Hi, Grandma," he said as he put his arm around her.

"You've showered!" she said, and once he let go of her, she placed her hands on his face. "My beautiful Gerard. I've missed you." She leaned forward and gave him a big Grandma kiss on the cheek, leaving a warm shade of red lipstick behind.

"I've missed you too, Grandma." Gerard stood up, and that's when his grandma seemed to notice me.

"Oh! Well, hello, darling. My goodness, are you ever beautiful!" she exclaimed as she reached forward and grabbed my hand, pulling me in toward her. "Gerard, this is the young lady you've talked about?"

_My god, how much has he talked about me?_

"Yes," Gerard said quietly, seeming to shrink in size around his family.

"Speak up, son. Don't mumble," Gerard's dad chimed in as he took a seat at the head of the table.

"Yes, Grandma," Gerard said in a firmer voice.

"My god, what's taken you so long to bring her over?" She turned back to me, and smiled up at me. "Well, Jade? Can this old lady have a hug?"

Before I could really answer her, she yanked me down and gave me a bone-crushing hug, which caught me off guard.

"You're good for him, dear. Please give him a chance," she whispered in my ear, making my eyes further widen.

"Yes, Mrs. Rush," I said quietly.

"Rush? Hah," she said as she released me. "Call me Elena."

"Told you," Gerard said under his breath. "Mom, where's Mikey?"

Gerard's mom raised up from peeping in the oven to check on the roast, and sighed.

"Mikey isn't coming over. He's busy with Ray and Matt tonight. God knows I hope he isn't drinking or partying again."

I shot a look of disbelief at Gerard. Mikey was a _partyer_?

Gerard shrugged at me.

* * *

 

Dinner was served a short time later, and it was almost odd to see a family like theirs communicate and function. They were all so happy. Gerard's parents still seemed to be in love, his grandma had so much life that she could have been a 20-something wearing an elderly woman disguise, and Gerard was so damn sweet with his mother and grandmother that it made my heart hurt.

After a dinner that was accompanied by cream cake for dessert, I was ready to run for the hills. It felt overwhelming to be in that kind of a situation, and his family suddenly felt like _my_ family after a plate of roast beef and potatoes. Mrs. Way insisted on me staying for a little while longer, and Gerard's dad offered to drive me home to save me on taking public transportation.

I stayed long enough to have Gerard show me where his room was. He led me down a flight of stairs into the basement, and we went through the first door, which opened up a very, _very_ dark room. I stood in his doorway while he stumbled over some stuff to turn on a light, which didn't help his room out much. The walls were wood paneling, and he had a color of carpet that I couldn't describe.

Needless to say, Gerard was guilty of having a lot of shit. From a vampire bat paperweight, to posters, to random trinkets and props. His room was swarming with comics, from ones on his bookshelf to the ones stacked on his bedside table - even some on his television. He had some clothes laying on his floor, and I noticed a few drawings were scattered on the floor, and on his desk.

"I know it's a wreck. I, ah... I don't have company often," he said sheepishly.

I smiled at him as I closed the door behind me and stepped into his room more, taking in the clutter and how interesting everything was. I noticed a whiteboard on his wall, which had a nice drawing of Popeye the Sailor Man, a vampire, and a little character flying upwards with " _Magic_ " written above his head.

"I like your room," I said with a smile. "It feels very cozy. You have a nice house."

"It's my parents' house," he said as he sat down on his bed, which had a Star Wars blanket on it. "I just hang around here and pay rent when I can."

"It's kind of you to do that," I said as I hesitated for a moment before sitting next to him.

He glanced at me before looking down at his lap.

"I like your drawings," I said after a pregnant pause. "Like I said, you're really talented."

"Thanks," he said as he kicked his boots off and let out a sigh. "Mikey said he might have a deal on a house for me to move into. I guess that means I'll be a little less lame."

I raised my eyebrows.

"There's nothing wrong with still living with your parents. However, I am happy that you may be able to live with Mikey since you want to get out of here. That's great."

"Yeah. My first big step into being a man," he said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

He hung his head again, continuing his distant act he held up all day.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him as I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Am I that ugly?"

"No," Gerard said quickly. "Just..."

His words faltered for a moment.

"You were awake this morning, weren't you?" His voice was very quiet. I was afraid to answer.

"Yes," I finally responded.

"I'm... I'm sorry about that. I just had this dream, and I thought I was still dreaming, and-"

"It's okay. I'm not upset," I cut him off.

"I feel like a creep," he admitted, continuing to avoid looking at me.

"You were having a dream, I was barely awake. Just... It's fine." I brushed my fingers under his chin and lifted his head.

He avoided eye contact despite us facing each other.

"Gerard, please look at me," I said quietly.

He closed his eyes and sat there in silence, seeming to compose himself. He finally opened them, and I was greeted with beautiful, warm, hazel eyes.

Then we sat like that, just looking at each other. I slowly smiled at him, which he returned. He was beautiful in every way.

"We're going to start touring a little bit in January," he said quietly.

I was taken aback. I stared at him, feeling a little shocked. My stomach rushed and I felt kind of panicky.

"Where are you going? Will we still be able to talk?"

_Now you're being clingy. But oh god, what if he meets some girl who's willing to make a move, unlike you?_

"We're going along the coast. We're due to be back in late March. Ray hired a manager from the record company, and he got us some dates to play at some clubs. I can definitely still talk to you." He smiled a little bit. "I, uh, kinda wish you could be there."

"Me too. Where are you going?" I let go of his chin and fully turned toward him.

"From Maine to North Carolina." He sighed and laid down on the bed.

I hesitated before slowly leaning down on the bed next to him, unsure if it was fine to do that. He just watched me, and rested his head on his arm. He slowly reached out and pulled me into a laying position, which surprised me.

"I'll miss you," I said quietly.

He was quiet for a bit. I turned onto my side and didn't face him, and instead stared at the little window in his room that looked big enough for someone to squeeze through, which had a desk beneath it. A couple of seconds later, I felt him get close behind me, and his arm go around my midsection.

"I'll miss you too," he said quietly. "I'll call you."

I slowly closed my eyes, placing my hand on his, enjoying how warm he felt in his semi-chilly room. His blanket was soft, and felt a little old. When I opened my eyes, I glanced down at his hand and saw a faint bit of gray on it from him sketching earlier. My mind briefly wandered back to his book before focusing on the new sensation of him resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Your bed is soft," I commented, then cringed a little at how stupid that sounded.

I heard him laugh quietly.

"I guess," he replied.

There was another pregnant pause, and all we did was lay there, spooning. I caught the time - eight. I had to work the next day, and it'd take a while to get back to my place.

"I need to go," I said as I slowly sat up from his bed, wishing I didn't have to move.

Despite how awkward the silence felt, laying with him like that felt so right. There were so many mixed emotions that it made my head spin. I caught Gerard sitting up and saw him looking a little disappointed.

"Okay," he said quietly as he stared down at his lap, looking a little blue.

"Um... are you free tomorrow? I could call you when I'm done with work. I get off at four."

He looked up at me and slowly nodded, smiling a little.

"Yeah. Nothing going on, except I'll probably have to go with my grandma to help her get some stuff."

"It's nice you help your grandma. Who knows - if you come to Walgreens, maybe I'll see you." I was half-kidding, yet I always desperately hoped that Gerard would drop in while I was working so I could see him.

His smile was weak. He just looked at me and nodded a little, somehow seeming like the loneliest man in the world. I stood up, and he remained sitting on his bed.

"You okay?" I asked as I looked down at him.

"Yeah, of course," he said, though I didn't believe him.

I stood there for a moment, fighting with myself. To hug him, to not hug him.... It wore me out a little to not just have a firm answer.

_Fuck it._

I leaned down and hugged him, and his arms immediately went around me and pulled me into a tight hug, nearly dragging me down on the bed. I let out a little groan, and felt him rest his head on my shoulder. He was definitely a cuddler.

"I'll call you tomorrow," I said as I brushed my fingers through his hair, which I nearly had to yank my own hand away from because something about it didn't seem like something friends did.

"Okay. Be careful going home."

"Always." I pulled back and smiled at him, then leaned down and kissed his cheek.

I felt my lips linger, and he was frozen in his spot. He brushed his cheek across my lips, and I felt his nose suddenly brushed against mine. Our lips were close, his hot breath tingled against my mouth. Just before our lips brushed, I pulled back and cleared my throat.

"I'll, uh, call you tomorrow. Have a good night," I said, feeling a little panicked, quickly backing up toward his door.

"R-Right," he said quietly, watching me with hooded eyes as I fumbled for his doorknob.

I finally got his door open, and saw him staring at me, looking doe-eyed and lonely. I stared at him longingly, and felt confused. I loved our friendship, and I was scared of losing him if we did something. I was scared of _disappointing_ him. My mind was complete chaos as I stepped outside his room.

"Good night, Gerard," I said as I held on to his door.

"Good night, Jade," he said quietly before looking down at his floor.

I closed his door and leaned against it for a moment, cursing myself for not just _going_ for it. I didn't have much time to stay like that - I had to get home. I had to be up for work the next day, and it made me hate that job even more.


	7. Frank's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elena and Gerard shop while Jade is on shift. Jade attends Frank's birthday party. Then, the unthinkable happens during a sleepover with Gerard....

The next day, work dragged so slowly that it gave me flashbacks of my school days, when I'd sit in class, bored out of my mind because my high school teachers were never any good. Some were too lenient and allowed people to goof off, and some were just strict enough to care if you turned in your homework. It never felt like I was learning anything. Working at Walgreens certainly never made me feel like I was accomplishing something in the workforce.

The number of customers rolling through the front register was ridiculous for a weekday morning. I rang up over two-hundred bags of candy before ten o'clock (then had to watch my register like a hawk because the girl doing floor duty was too lazy to keep up with stocking the Halloween aisle with more products), and had to listen to young children whine and throw tantrums because their parents wouldn't let them have some kind of candy, or whatever cheap toy they saw, or some kind of Halloween costume. While I did like kids, and kind of wanted to have kids when I was older, I certainly did not like tantrums.

_The parents are trying. Well, most of them. Kids just throw tantrums. Just stay calm...._

I often repeated that line in my brain due to my anxiety being off the charts when there would be a screaming child at my register. Sometimes their parents would apologize, sometimes they would get after the kid, and sometimes it seemed like they didn't even notice that their three-year-old was screaming her head off because she wanted candy. What a funny world we live in.

It was getting closer to the end of my shift when I saw him - raven hair shining in the sunlight from the entrance doors, his grandmother on his arm. Despite being dressed in jeans, a beat-up _Smashing Pumpkins_ shirt that looked a little big on him, and a jacket that seemed to be one size too large for him, he was every bit handsome and a gentleman. He and his grandmother spotted me while I was ringing up the last of a large line of people, which made me announce an _IC3_ so my lazy manager (he was the only lazy manager I had) had to take the second register, and one of the ladies from Cosmetics told people they could check out at her register.

After I told the group of teenagers to have a nice day (though I was wondering why they weren't in school), I saw Elena _dragging_ Gerard to my register, and I could smell the smoke on her breath when she opened her mouth.

"Jade!" she exclaimed as she beckoned for me to lean over the counter, when I received a hug that pinned me to the counter.

For being elderly, she certainly was strong. She kissed my cheek, and I felt her lipstick (which was the same shade she wore the night before) stain my cheek. In that moment I thanked my lucky stars that I never wore makeup to work. However, the stray three or four zits I had made me wish I was wearing something with Gerard present.

"Hi Elena," I said as she released me. "I hope you're doing well today."

"Oh, I'm fantastic. You poor dear - you look like you've been through hell today. Are ya busy?" she asked with a smile.

I glanced up at the security camera, and checked in the immediate area - there weren't very many customers, and quite a few seemed to know each other, so they were visiting. It seemed a little safe since my manager disappeared.

"Not currently. However, I could get in trouble if I'm just visiting." I motioned with my head toward the camera, feeling both nervous and rather guilty for coming off as rude.

"Say no more dear. Could you show us where you keep all your Halloween candy?" She winked at me, then nudged Gerard. "Say something, dear."

As soon as I came out from behind the register, Gerard waved at me in a dorky manner, which made me suppress a giggle.

"Love, I told you to say something to her, not _wave_." She looked up at Gerard and scowled at him.

"Hi," Gerard said bashfully.

"Hi, Gerard," I said as I smiled at him. "The candy is this way."

"Oh, hold on, Jade. Let me get that for you," she said as she stopped me in my tracks.

Elena took out a handkerchief, wet it with her tongue, then wiped her lipstick off of my cheek.

"Much better," she said as she smiled up at me.

I thanked her, then resumed leading her and Gerard to the candy aisle.

"Was that so hard?" I heard Elena say to Gerard as they followed me from the front of the store, past the second register, and about three aisles away to the seasonal candy aisle.

"Grandma...." Gerard mumbled.

We entered the seasonal aisle, and I turned toward them, waiting for their commands.

"You're doing such a lovely job, dear. Isn't she doing lovely, Gerard?" I saw her give Gerard a stern look, which made me want to laugh a little.

"She's doing great," Gerard said quietly.

"You need to speak up, boy," she said. "Just because your old grandma doesn't need hearing aids doesn't mean you need to trick me into getting them."

In some ways she reminded me of my grandmother, who long since passed.

"Oh, wow! Look at all this candy. We need quite a bit for the trick or treaters. Gerard, go get me a basket, please," Elena said, and I saw Gerard nod is head, glance at me, then hurry out of the aisle.

"Don't mind him, dear," Elena said as she grabbed my arm, making me notice the very nice, red fleece jacket she wore. "Gerard has always been painfully shy around women."

"You have a very nice grandson," I said as I smiled at her, noticing that she had to be about five inches shorter than me, most likely haven shrunk from age.

She smiled at me and patted me on the forearm.

"It seems like a nice girl like you just dropped out of the sky. I do wish I could have visited with you more last night, dear. I'm afraid this old lady just can't stay awake too long after a big meal." She laughed.

A big meal for her seemed to be slightly smaller than the average adult serving. She was quite tiny. I guessed that's where Mikey got his frame from.

"It's alright. I've been here since eight this morning, so I couldn't stay very late." I smiled weakly at her.

"You seem a little troubled, dear. If you don't like your job, you should look for something new. Gerard said you went to college."

"Double-major, actually. Psychology was my main focus. I'm having problems getting a job in that field, and with my loans I really need this job." I shook my head. "What can I help you find?"

"We don't _really_ need much, Jade. I'm just full of chatter, and I know Gerard wanted to see you. He likes you quite a lot, dear."

She smiled up at me, finally releasing my arm. She pat me on the back and moved past me to look at the large display of candy. Seconds later, Gerard came back with a hand-basket, which he handed to his grandmother.

"Could you hold that for me, please, dear? My hands are just a bit sore from painting yesterday."

"Oh, you're an artist as well?" I asked before I could close my giant lid of a mouth.

Gerard glanced at me, noticing my hand went over my mouth. He chuckled very quietly before turning his attention back to his grandmother. He seemed to really admire her, which I found very sweet.

"Of course, dear," she said as she took a very large assorted bag of fruity candies and lollipops off the shelf and put it in the basket Gerard was holding. "When Gerard was a little boy, we used to draw together for hours. I knew he had a gift."

She reached up and pinched his cheek before going back to look at some assortment bags of chocolate candies.

_Oh god, that was cute._

"I was so proud of him when he graduated in Fine Arts, and when he decided he wanted to do music, I thought that was just wonderful. Oh, he's going to do so well in anything he does." She sounded so confident and proud as she spoke of him, despite seeming to be focused on which bag of candy she wanted to buy, having a pair of oval glasses on to see them better.

I glanced at Gerard, noticing he looked a little embarrassed. He sighed as he stood there patiently, waiting on his grandmother to pick out whatever she wanted. He caught my eye and smiled at me, which I returned. He quickly looked down at his feet when his grandma turned around to dump another giant bag of candy in his basket.

" _Jade to the front, please. Jade to the front_ ," came my lazy manager's booming voice over the intercom.

"Sorry. I gotta check some people out," I said as I rushed out of the aisle, feeling scared I'd get in trouble with that manager. _Again_.

Unfortunately, I had to call another _IC3_ , and since my manager was fucking himself off in the back office, one of the older ladies in Cosmetics came to my rescue and helped me check people out. That meant that Gerard and his grandmother ended up going through her lane instead. They waited near the entrance until the swarm of people died out, Elena clutching on to Gerard's arm as they watched me.

Once everyone was out, they waved at me, which I returned. They disappeared through the sliding doors, and I let out a long, miserable sigh. I wanted to go with them.

* * *

 

_Halloween_

Frank's birthday arrived, and I found out he was turning twenty-one. When I asked Gerard how Frank managed to drink and play in clubs, he told me he had a fake ID. I merely shrugged it off - it wasn't my business, and I wasn't the fuzz or anything, so I wasn't going to narc on him. I did feel mildly creepy for crushing on a then twenty-year-old, but moved on by that point in time.

Given how little I was paid at my job, I asked Gerard what I could get Frank for his birthday that would be on the lower price range. I didn't want to ask my mom for a small loan because I was trying to be as independent as possible, despite her often offering to give me some money to help me get by. Gerard's suggestion was a video game, which I could buy used at a local store that sold video games, guitars, and other crap.

"I feel so cheap for doing this," I said as Gerard, Ray, and I entered the little junk shop.

"Hey, it's the thought that counts," Ray said in a comforting voice. "It's nice you're getting him something. I can help you out with picking out games since Gerard's kinda useless."

"I'm not useless," Gerard said as he spotted a collection of vinyl records on display and came to a halt. "...you two go on. I'll be right here."

"See? _Useless_ ," Ray quipped.

I looked at Gerard and sighed, shaking my head. Ray led me toward the back of the store, where I could still see Gerard picking through vinyls.

"What did you get him?" I asked Ray as we sifted through some _Playstation_ games.

"I got him _Airforce Delta Storm_ , _Battlezone_ , and _Black Matrix Zero_. When we go to tour, I'm guessing he's going to want some more games for his Gameboy Advance." Ray pushed aside some children's games.

"Oh, I loved _Battlezone_! I used to play that at the Arcade." I smiled at him. "Jeez, that must have cost you a pretty penny."

"I bought them slowly so it wouldn't damage my wallet." He grinned at me. "Here's one he might like."

Ray pulled out a copy of _Metal Gear Solid_. I took the case from him and examined it, knowing that it was fairly old, but appeared to be in decent shape. I sighed, feeling rather stupid.

"I really wish I could get him more than this. I feel lame getting him used games."

"You shouldn't feel bad. I told you: it's the thought that counts." Ray's voice was so comforting and sweet.

He patted me on the back, then pointed at the price tag.

"Look at that - three dollars!" he said quietly. "That's a steal. Mikey said that Frank had a copy of this a while back, but the game broke on him."

"That sucks," I said as I examined the packaging.

"Need some help?" came a nasally voice from behind us.

Ray and I turned in unison to see a scrawny guy with glasses on; I assumed he was the owner of the store.

"We're fine. Thanks," Ray said as he smiled politely.

I caught the guy staring at me, which made me uncomfortable.

"You new to gaming?" the guy asked me as he stared at the game in my hand, and I caught his eyes wandering to my breasts.

_Oh boy._

"No," I said, noting his _Star Trek_ t-shirt, which looked pretty old, and admired his greasy, blond bowl-cut.

"You like _Metal Gear Solid_?" he asked as he stepped closer to me.

"Uh...."

Ray must have noticed how uncomfortable I was, and I caught him waving his arm out of the corner of my eye. The scrawny guy was _leering_ at me. I cringed a little, and it didn't take long before Gerard was right next to me, his arm going around me in a protective manner.

"Hey, uh, you almost ready?" Gerard asked as he smiled at me.

"Yeah! Just have to grab one more thing," I said quickly, grabbing for another game behind me that was leaning on the shelf.

"There a problem?" Gerard asked as he sized up the guy, who was a little bit taller than Gerard.

"No," the greasy owner replied as he glared a little at Gerard. "Let me know if you need any help."

He slinked away behind a shelf that had some questionable things stocked on it. I shuddered as soon as he walked off, feeling creeped out.

"What's in your hand?" I asked Gerard, his right arm still draped over my shoulders, his left arm behind his back.

"A surprise. For you." He smiled at me, and I noticed Ray smirking out of he corner of my eye.

"Here, Jade. This one's also three bucks. Frank broke this copy when he was drunk a couple months ago." Ray handed me a copy of _Resident Evil_ , which also appeared to be in good condition.

"You're a savior, Ray," I said as I broke free from Gerard's grasp to give Ray a hug.

He laughed weakly and patted me on the back.

"It's no problem. I keep track of games, and I know Frank's odd taste."

"I would imagine." I smiled at him, then turned my attention back to Gerard. "I hope you're not serious about getting me something."

"You'll see," he said with a smile. "You two go ahead. I'll be right out."

He busied himself by looking at some of the games, which I knew he wouldn't play anyway. Ray put his hand on my shoulder and guided me to the front, where the Creeper was standing behind a register, which was placed on top of a glass case, holding a very beautiful _Martin_ acoustic guitar.

"Nice guitar. How much?" Ray asked as I placed the games on the counter.

I caught Mr. Creepy looking at Ray with disgust, which pretty much made me decide to never come back to his store.

"For you? Eight-hundred." He then looked at me with a smirk. "For the pretty girl? Two-hundred _and_ a date."

I rolled my eyes.

"Here," I said as I dropped a ten dollar bill on the case, wishing I had a little more money to buy Frank a third game.

"Say, that guy back there your boyfriend?" Creepy guy asked me, motioning his head to the back of the store where Gerard was.

"Yes," I said immediately. "Yeah. Almost a year! My, how time flies."

_How I wish it was true...._

The guy scowled as he bagged the games.

"Six seventy-five," he mumbled.

I pushed the ten toward him, got my change, then booked it out of there with Ray following me. We waited outside the store for Gerard, who seemed to be taking his sweet time in the shop. I looked at my watch and sighed. Five in the afternoon.

"We're going to be late," I mumbled, shivering from the cold breeze.

"Nah. Frank's probably sleeping or something anyway."

"Is anyone bringing a cake or anything?" I looked at Ray, watching him shuffle his feet a bit.

"Mikey's bringing one from his parents' house. Their mom likes to bake."

"I remember." I hugged my jacket to myself, and felt a rush of relief when Gerard came out of the store with a rather large back in his hand.

"Let's go," he said as we started walking down the sidewalk, looking for a cab to take us to Frank's.

"What's in the bag?" I asked, always being one to be nosy.

"Wait until we're in the cab," Gerard said, and I heard Ray nudge him. "Ow."

"Bad timing, dude," Ray said quietly.

"What? She'll love it."

I saw a taxi and ran toward the edge of the sidewalk, flagging it down. Luckily it stopped, and Ray got a laugh out of that. When I asked what was funny while opening the door for them, he told me cabs never stopped for Gerard.  
Ray went in first, then Gerard. I climbed in last and shut the door, and Ray gave the driver directions. Gerard handed me the bag and smiled at me.

"You know it's Frank's birthday and not mine, right?" I laughed as I started unbagging what I was guessing was a vinyl record.

"I know, but I thought you could use something to listen to when you're home alone."

I pulled out the record and laughed, feeling absolutely _giddy_.

" _Heroes_!" I exclaimed, hugging the black and white cover with David Bowie's face on it to my chest. "I love the Berlin Trilogy."

"Oh God," Ray mumbled next to Gerard. "You two are in love with him."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, throwing my right arm over Gerard, nearly clocking Ray in the head with it.

I felt Gerard smile as his head rested against mine.

"You're welcome."

* * *

 

We made a quick stop back to my place so I could wrap Frank's presents, and put away my vinyl record (the tenth one I had in my collection, though it was only my second Bowie record. Most of the records were my dad's). I had a record player next to my TV, and definitely planned to listen to  _Heroes_ when I came home. Ray noticed the loft and was curious to see it. He asked if he could go up, and I waved my hand, indicating that it was fine.

"This is awesome," Ray said as he looked down at me and Gerard.

He waved at me, and I laughed and waved back, having some tape stuck to my finger. Gerard made himself comfortable on my couch, and watched me wrap Frank's games in some green wrapping paper. I took a black ribbon out from my decoration box and tied a bow on it, just because I liked to make things look nice.

"You don't have to get fancy with Frank," Ray said as he climbed down from my loft. "I mean, he'll probably be surprised, but...."

"She just does that," Gerard said, and I could feel his eyes on me.

"It smells good in here," Ray said suddenly as he stopped in front of me. "Did you bake something?"

"They're candles," Gerard answered for me. "She likes to burn those sweet-smelling candles."

"Christ, Gerard, let her answer for once," Ray said, and I caught him shaking his head, his mess of curls bouncing as he did so.

"Oh, it's fine," I said as I finished the bow. "There. Let's go!"

* * *

 

When we arrived at Frank's place, there were already other people there. Mikey, Matt, Matt's girlfriend (Tiffany), and a couple guys and a few girls I didn't know. Frank's living room was lit up so I could see just how cluttered it was - it didn't help that there were mountains of beer cases stacked against the wall next to one of the entries to his kitchen, and there was a card table set up against the wall next to his TV with presents on them. Ray, Gerard, and I put our gifts for Frank on the table, and socialized with everyone.

"Hey Mikey," I greeted him as he came over, beer in hand, and squeezed me into a hug.

"Hey Jade," he said, voice a little weak-sounding from drinking. "The bag under the card table has some of Gerard's things in it. One of you will have to take him home tonight."

I saw him motioning his head toward Gerard, who had a beer in his hand as well while he talked to one of the guys I didn't know.

I sighed, assuming I was the only one who never drank, and had already been picked to take him home.

"Yeah, alright. He can stay with me."

It really didn't bother me. I just hated that he'd get drunk and screwed up all the time, then spend the next morning feeling sick. He was so much _better_ than that.

"Thanks. Our mom said to stop by when you have some time. She said something about a pie or something." He looked a little embarrassed. "She likes to show gratitude to people by giving them food...."

"The Italian way," I said as I smiled weakly at him, which he returned as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose.

"I guess. Enjoy the party." He lightly patted me on the bicep and walked off to talk to Matt and Tiffany.

"Jaded!" Frank exclaimed as he came up from behind me, having a faint smell of weed on him, and hugged me from behind.

"Happy birthday, Frankie." I turned around and gave him a proper hug.

"Thanks. I'm glad you came! Wanna hang out in the hall? Everyone thinks the living room is some kinda fucking gathering spot, and it's loud as fuck."

He looked at me with glazed, hazel eyes, and smiled.

"Yeah, sure." I shrugged, and glanced over at Gerard, who was still holding a beer while talking to the nameless man, laughing occasionally.

"Cool." Frank grabbed his guitar from the wall next to the hall, then dragged me into the dimly lit hall and had us sit on his carpeted floor (which made me question how sanitary it was).

"Ray and I have a new guitar piece written. We're waiting for your boyfriend to write some lyrics," he said as he lit a cigarette and positioned his white Gibson on his lap.

"He's not my boyfriend," I said with an exasperated sigh. "Let's hear it."

"Sweet." He grinned, clearly drunk, and started playing all octaves, which sounded pretty catchy (when you took away a couple sloppy screw-ups from being drunk), before going into a few bar chords.

"That's good," I commented when he was done. "I bet it sounds great on an amp."

"Thanks." Frank took the cigarette out of his mouth, flicked the ash on the floor (which made me cringe) and blew out some smoke. "We have the full song. Mikey's working on his part."

"What's it called?" I smiled at him, admiring the beautiful guitar on his lap.

"We don't have a name," he said. "We kinda leave that up to Gerard."

"Hey, there you are." Frank and I looked up (we were sitting across from each other in the hall) and saw Gerard standing there, and he was smiling at us.

_By now he'd look completely gone._

"Hey," I said as I quickly stood up. "Frank was just playing the guitar bits for a song he and Ray are working on."

"I've heard it," Gerard said. "It's good."

He nodded at Frank, then smiled at me.

"How are you?" He leaned against the wall, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"A little congested." I glanced into the living room, noticing some people had migrated to the kitchen. "Lot of people."

"They're okay. Some act like dicks sometimes." He rolled his eyes, and I somehow had the impression he may have been referring to Matt.

He looked at Frank and grinned.

"Hey dawg, you gotta open your birthday presents!" He put his hand down, which Frank took, and Gerard pulled him up.

"If someone gets me another bong, I'm asking for new friends," he said as he walked out of the hall and placed his guitar back on its stand.

Gerard put his hand out and touched the wall across from him, blocking me in the hall for a moment. He kept smiling at me, and just watched me. It was a little out of character for him to do something that bold.

"Hi," he said quietly as he bore his beautiful eyes into me.

"Hi," I replied bashfully.

We smiled at each other, and I felt the party being shut out as we just looked at each other. I noticed he wore the faux leather jacket he usually wore on stage, and wore a newer-looking band t-shirt. His black jeans looked fairly old, yet they made his bulge more prominent. I felt a fire ignite in my stomach and felt the urge to touch him.

"Come on, guys. Frank's opening his shit," Matt said as he carried Tiffany on his back to the card table (Literally. Somehow it didn't seem weird to me).

"Alright," Gerard said as he continued to stare at me.

He lowered his arm and we stepped out of the hall and into the living room, where Frank had a birthday cake (done in black and orange colors) with two candles lit in the center. Everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" to him.

"Make a wish, motherfucker!" one of the unnamed guys exclaimed from the back of the room.

Frank laughed and rolled his eyes before blowing out his candles. We clapped afterward, and there were a few slurred curses around us, and some whistling. Frank grabbed the largest present on the table and started unwrapping it before anyone could really stop him. It was a guitar stand from Matt, which seemed to please Frank.

The evening progressed with people eating cake, everyone but me drinking, and Frank getting a laugh out of a bong that was shaped like male genitalia. He thanked me with a bone-crushing hug for the video games I bought him, which completely knocked the wind out of me.

"Seriously, did you see the way I opened this shit? You don't need to do that Martha Stewart shit here. It looked nice, though," Frank said as he hugged me.

"Thanks," I said as I patted him on the back, and felt relief when he released me.

"Told you," Ray muttered as he walked past me to give Frank his present.

Gerard gave him two guitar cables, a set of guitar picks, and some red hair dye. Mikey opted for the simple route and just gave him money, and told him where he could get a good deal on pot. It still surprised me that my first impression of Mikey was completely off.

* * *

As the party wound down, several people passed out into a drunken coma (including Mikey), and Gerard was leaning on me while we sat on the floor in the living room, leaned against the wall. Ray was still conscious, and seemed disturbed by Matt and Tiffany drunkenly groping each other and trying to fuck in the dark corner of the room, underneath an air conditioner sleeve.

"Hey, uh, you want to leave?" I asked Gerard, who had his head on my shoulder.

He mumbled something and pet my hair, cluing me that he was drunk.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

I saw Ray standing off to my right, talking to Frank with a beer in hand. I finally caught his attention and motioned him over.

"Hey, we're going to take off. Could you help us up, please?" I asked him.

"Of course." Ray put his drink down and helped me and Gerard up, Gerard merely leaning against me for stability.

Frank stumbled over to the card table and grabbed the bag with Gerard's stuff in it and handed it to me. I thanked them and gave them both an awkward half-hug, wished Frank a happy birthday, and off I went with Gerard on my arm.

The ride to my apartment was strange. We took the bus, and we saw quite a few very oddly dressed people. Part of me forgot that it was Halloween, so I thought we were somewhere near a crackhouse. Twin guys around my age were dressed as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum sat across from us, and asked me very strange questions, and Gerard would interject with some kind of drunken babble.

We arrived at my apartment building and took the elevator, and Gerard suddenly seemed more sober. I didn't think much of it, and remained quiet as we rode behind about five people on my floor, who were all coming back from a Halloween party.

"Hey Jade," my neighbor from down the hall, Sofia, greeted. "How's work?"

Sofia, who was Colombian and had a beautiful accent to match her model-like looks, was dressed as Storm from the _X-Men_ comics.

"Hi Sofia," I said as I smiled politely at her. "It's fine. Fun party?"

"Yeah. You should've come! Shame your friend's birthday is on one of the funnest nights of the year!" She grinned at me, and the elevator _dinged_ before the doors opened.

* * *

 

We made it to my apartment with no problems (which was about five doors down from the elevator), and I let us in. Gerard strolled in, looking _completely_ sober, and awkwardly stood in the middle of the room. I turned on the lights and locked the door behind me, noting him appearing to be completely normal.

"You, uh, okay?" I asked as I placed my keys on the hook next to the door, and shrugging off my jacket.

_This seems strange. He's normally crawling toward the couch._

"Yeah. Um... listen, Jade...." He put his bag down next to my coffee table and shuffled his feet a little, looking very much like a little boy who was about to confess to something that'd get him grounded. "I only had one beer. I'm not remotely shaken at all."

I raised my eyebrows at him.

_Then why is he here?_

"Okay," I said slowly, trying to let the information sink in. "But at Frank's -"

"- It was an act," he said quickly, looking twelve shades of guilty. "I just - I really wanted to stay the night with you. If you want me to go, I will."

He looked down, looking embarrassed. I guessed his initial plan somehow went wrong. Despite him tricking me into letting him stay overnight, I wasn't mad at him (even though I should've been yelling at him). I liked him being there. Hell, I liked _him._

"It's fine. You can stay." I smiled weakly at him, trying not to let on too much that I wouldn't have minded doing some unspeakable things to him. "Just... please promise me you won't trick your way into staying. If you want to spend the night, just say so."

I walked past him and took my phone charger out of one of my kitchen drawers, and plugged in my cell phone. I turned to face Gerard, and he still looked sheepish.

"Promise. I'm sorry." He took off his jacket and held on to it.

"Do you want to stay on the couch, or up in the loft?" I internally cringed as I asked, feeling like it was too bold to ask.

"Um. Well, the couch is nice. But... I do like the loft. I think it's cool." He avoided eye contact, his cheeks were a little pink.

"The loft it is." I smiled at him. "You can go in the bathroom and change if you want, assuming you have pajamas."

He nodded and picked up his duffle bag, then marched off to the bathroom. I sighed and sat down on my couch, then my eyes fell on the _Heroes_ record Gerard bought me earlier that day. I smiled at it and took the vinyl out, and walked it next to the TV and put it in my record player. " _Beauty and the Beast_ " began to play, and I sighed as childhood memories flooded back to me.

My father loved David Bowie (there were artists he loved more, but David was definitely one of the top picks), and he'd always play his music when I was a little girl. Aside from David Bowie, my other love was Bryan Adams, and I always had a very guilty spot for Aerosmith - especially one of their guitar players, Joe Perry.

I stood in front of the record player, smiling to myself as the childhood memories of listening to all kinds of wonderful music with my father in his truck played through my mind. I didn't notice Gerard coming up behind me, which scared the holy hell out of me when I heard his voice.

"I'm surprised you don't have _Low_ ," he commented, and I saw his arm reach out to flick through my small record collection. "It's my favorite thing on vinyl."

"My dad had it, but his brother got it when we went through his things...." I sighed and shut off the record player, laying the sleeve on top of the player for the time being.

"That seems wrong somehow," Gerard commented.

I nodded, then excused myself to change into my pajamas. I noted that he wore a plain black t-shirt and black pajama pants with skeletons on them. I heard him make his way into my bed while I changed in the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Once finishing, I stared at my reflection and saw how messy my hair was, and saw dark circles forming under my olive eyes.

_Frustrating._

Lack of sleep and financial stress weren't the greatest combination in the world. I turned away from the mirror and put my clothes in the hamper, then walked out of the bathroom. I saw Gerard leaning against the railing of my loft, smiling down at me.

"What's up?" I asked as I stared up at him.

"Just admiring," he said quietly, smiling a little.

I slowly shook my head while suppressing a giggle. I climbed up the ladder and joined him, noticing he had his sketchbook in the bed.

"More artwork for my ugly walls?" I asked as I laid the purple comforter over my legs.

"Yeah. You need some. I'd go nuts if I had to live with plain walls."

"I'm pretty sure my landlord would be unhappy if I stuck a bunch of nails in my walls." I laid down, and he followed suit.

We faced each other, and just smiled at one another. He slowly raised his hand, extending his middle and index fingers, and ran them down my bare arm. I sighed and slowly closed my eyes at his arm touch.

_This isn't a friendly thing any more._

_Oh, how I want to kiss him._

My hand rested against the side of his face, feeling how smooth his skin was, and felt myself get a little closer to him. He draped his arm over my hip and pressed his forehead to mine. The shy, young man standing in my living room just twenty minutes before was gone.

"Thanks for letting me stay," he said quietly, and I felt his eyelashes brush against my eyelids.

"You're always welcome," I replied, raising my head a little, still keeping skin contact.

There were an exchange of "good night"s before we paused.

_Kiss him. Kiss. Him._

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, making him smile. He closed the space between us and our bodies pressed together. His breath was hot on my skin, a mix of beer, cigarettes, and minty toothpaste filling my nostrils.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked after a pregnant pause.

"Yeah," I responded breathlessly, feeling almost like I was in a dream.

Our lips touched, and every inch of me was on fire. My mind was screaming at the feel of his warm, soft lips. It was just a gentle, closed-mouthed kiss, and I was still completely okay with that. His lips were a little bitter-tasting from the beer and cigarettes. Before I knew it, we were apart again, and he turned over on his back.

_It happened.... Oh god, it really happened. Was it bad for him? Does he regret coming here?_

I turned onto my back as well, filled with anxiety over the "what if"s. My train of thought was broken when he left a gentle kiss on my cheek, and turned onto his stomach and laid his arm across my belly. I let out a long sigh of relief as I closed my eyes, and was shortly met with sleep.


	8. Meet the Parkers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the following chapter depicts a detailed scene of a military funeral. It also expresses religious faith of the character and has no association with the author. There is reference to 9/11, and Jade's father is talked about more. If you are sensitive to the nature of this content (or do not like certain elements of it), reader discretion is advised. Thank you for reading!

The following weeks after our first kiss were surprisingly not awkward. Our "friendly" little pecks on the lips turned into a lip going into the other person's mouth, then the kisses became longer, and the first time he slipped his tongue in my mouth I thought I was going to cave in and beg him to sleep with me.

We kept it secret. He started spending more time at my apartment, and within three weeks I made him a key for my place. I was sad we had to be apart on Thanksgiving because of our families, and neither side knowing what was going on between us (however, Gerard nor I ever confirmed our own relationship). I came to a couple of their shows at Brittle End (and was given hell from Jermaine for making googly eyes at Gerard), and visited the Way family home twice, each time being greeted with warm hugs from everyone, and being told stories about the family. I really felt like I belonged there.

I wanted to bring up Gerard's and my relationship status so I had a clear idea of where we were, but often we would do less talking and more kissing and cuddling. It never went beyond that - he was still quite shy, and I didn't want to seem like a floozy. I loved having him around; there was even one day after Thanksgiving when I came home from work and found him sitting in my apartment, making some sort of French painting for my walls (which were quickly being filled with his artwork).

"My neighbors have started asking about you," I commented as I sat next to him, kissing his cheek.

He let out a breathless chuckle as his brush stroked across the paper.

"What'd you tell them?"

He looked up at me, a little streak of red paint was on his chin, and his hair was longer, looking more on the shaggy side. The sight of him being creative and writing song lyrics or working on his art was stunning - everything about him during that process was beautiful. I sighed as I rested my hands on his shoulder, facing him on the couch.

"That you're some psychopath who just doesn't know how to stay away," I teased, making him smirk while he laid down his brush.

"Half of that is true," he said as he faced me, giving me a kiss.

We were interrupted by my phone ringing. I let out an annoyed groan as I pulled away from him, apologizing. He shrugged and went back to his painting, looking focused as he started applying black shading to his patterns.

"Hello?" I answered without checking my caller ID, and licked my thumb to wipe the red paint off of Gerard's chin.

"Hi honey," came my mom's voice.

_Oh no._

"Hi, Mom. How are you?" Gerard's head snapped up and he looked mildly alarmed.

I waved my hand, gesturing to let him know it wasn't a big deal. However, my stomach was doing flip-flops because Gerard was right in front of me while I had to speak to my mother.

"I'm fine. Listen, when we were having dinner a few nights ago, you mentioned that young man."

_Oh shit._

"Yes, Mother.... What about him?" I bit my lip and felt like I could have drawn blood from my nerves.

"What is his name again?" My mother sounded curious, and her voice was pleasant-sounding as always.

"Gerard," I said, which made Gerard look at me immediately.

"She's asking about you," I whispered as I covered the mouthpiece.

I heard him swallow hard when my mother spoke again.

"Gerard - that's it. Say, are you off work tomorrow, sweetheart?"

"Yes. Do you need me to come over?"

_I really hope it's not for another Sunday breakfast with her friends. Those can be so boring._

"Actually, I was wondering if you would like to bring Gerard over so I can meet him! He sounds like such a nice young man."

_Fuck._

I cringed as I glanced at Gerard, whose attention was fully on me. For some reason, Queen's _Under Pressure_ was playing in my head and for a moment I could only focus on Freddie Mercury's voice. I shook my head, doing my best to focus once again on my mother.

"I'll ask him if he's free tomorrow. I have the day off."

"Perfect!" she exclaimed, her higher-pitched voice sounding elated. "I'll see you at noon, sweetie."

She hung up on me, which wasn't really out of the ordinary for her. She usually did that when she was overly-excited, or she was in a hurry. I pictured my mother, so thin and looking like she came out of an issue of Allure, racing off to call her closest friends to gab about how I was bringing over the very mysterious Gerard to have lunch at her house the next day.

I laid my phone on the table and let out a long sigh, sliding down in my seat.

"What's up?" Gerard asked.

"We're having lunch with my mother tomorrow," I mumbled.

"Oh boy," he said nervously, making me glance at him in time to see how anxious he looked. "My mom will want to meet her."

"That's funny, because my mom will want to meet your mom." I let out another groan. "Are you free tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he said as he leaned back on the couch, motioning for me to come closer.

Instead of leaning against his shoulder, I laid down and rested my head on his lap, feeling a little chilly from the crappy material my Walgreens shirt was made out of. I caught a glimpse of Gerard's face forming a surprised expression when my head landed in his lap.

"Are you mad about this or anything?" I asked quietly.

"No! Of course not," he responded as he ran his fingers through my waves, which were a little past my shoulders and in need of trimming. "I'm just afraid she won't like me."

"She'll love you," I said as I traced little circles on his knee.

He sighed as he leaned back on the couch, haven already abandoned his paint brush.

"I do recommend a shower and combing your hair, though," I said quietly, which made him raise his eyebrow at me. "My mother is kind of a neat-freak, and she likes everything to be perfect."

"Should I wear a suit?" he teased, grinning a little.

"Yes. A three piece tux with purple accent." I smiled at him and watched as he shook his head.

"I haven't worn that kind of a get-up in a while." He leaned down and kissed me, then pressed his forehead to mind. "Mikey got the house. We move in next week."

"Oh! That's great!" I exclaimed pressing my hands to his cheeks, kissing his soft lips. "I can't wait to see it!"

He sat up again, and I saw him smiling.

"It'll be great to get out of my parents' house. Packing will be a pain."

"I can help you if you want." I sat up and brushed my fingers through his black hair. "Are you taking everything?"

"No. I'll have a new bed and all that at the house. I just need to pack my art stuff, any music I'm working on - I'll probably leave behind most of my crap. My mom wants to preserve the room like she did with Mikey's." He half-scowled.

"It's because she loves you two." I wrapped my arms around him, a sudden thought occurring.

_Am I starting to love him? That would seem rather fast. I've only known him for two months. Well, two and a half._

I shook the thought from mind, reminding myself to be _rational_. Gerard and I weren't even official - if we started full-blown dating, he'd only be my third relationship. I knew I'd never been in love before, and part of me wished I had an older sister or brother there to tell me what to expect. I always wished my parents would've adopted a kid - due to health issues, my mother couldn't have any more babies after me, and during her pregnancy with me she nearly had a miscarriage. She always said I was her miracle baby.

After a short time, I let Gerard out of my grip and watched him go back to working on his painting. I decided to change clothes and brushed my messy hair, and still debated on whether or not I wanted to have it cut. By the time I changed into some faded jeans and a chunky, orange sweater, Gerard was cursing at his portrait.

" _Fuck_ that. I didn't want that there," he said, and I noticed the black lining went out a little too far.

"There are no mistakes - only happy accidents," I quoted as I passed by the coffee table, smirking a little to myself.

"Thanks, Bob Ross," he replied, sounding a little annoyed.

He did giggle a little, though.

After a while I fixed us dinner, then asked if he wanted to stay the night, which he agreed to. That night we fell asleep on the couch together while we watched _Blade Runner_.

* * *

 

The next day, Gerard and I showered (separately!) and dressed appropriately to have lunch with my mother. My mom's house, which is the home I always knew in Jersey, was a two-story, white Victorian house with a huge front porch, decorated with wooden outdoor furniture my father built (which I assisted with, because I loved seeing how things were made, and I always had to be wherever he was - even at the tender age of thirteen).

"Do I look okay?" Gerard asked, sporting a black sweater with a white polo shirt underneath it.

_Those black jeans look newer than his usual choice of pants._

"Aside from looking like you're about to go door-to-door spreading the good word of Satan, you look great," I teased, making him laugh. "Seriously, you do look nice."

"Thanks," he said, looking a little shy, reminding me of a Sunday school boy.

His hair was combed back, and he almost looked like a Dad. I was the one who suggested church-like clothes to wear to my mother's since she would expect us to be dressed a little on the proper side, and she'd want to take photos. I had faith that Gerard would make a good first impression on her - he pretty much fit the mental checklist my mother would have for him.

One thing I was eternally grateful for was Gerard essentially knocking off the booze. During the three weeks following Frank's birthday, I hadn't seen him touch a single drink, and he never stunk of booze when he visited. I hoped it was the end of his drinking, because he really seemed to be sick. Whatever changed in that frame of time was something I hoped stuck around. The band was sounding better, and they were booking more shows; to say I was proud of him and the guys was an understatement.

We arrived at my mom's house at exactly noon, and were welcomed by the _Allure_ cover-looking woman with open arms, an Italian Cashmere sweater in a nice shade of brown clung to her hips, accompanied. She had her dark hair done up in beautiful curls, and wore a light amount of makeup. Honestly, my mother really didn't need makeup - she was always beautiful.

"Hello, Gerard," she said as she immediately took him in her arms as soon as we stepped inside the warm, Grand Entrance to the house, and I noticed it smelled like pecan pie.

I caught her grinning at me over his shoulder, giving me a look that seemed to say, _"Good job, honey!"_

"Hi, Mrs. Parker. It's nice to meet you," Gerard said as he seemed to lose his breath while being smothered by my mother.

She released him, and rested her hands on his arms, seeming to take in his rather boyish looks. She smiled and patted him on the cheek.

"Come. I'll show you two to the dining room." She look at us both, the small wrinkles at her eyes noticeable, her mouth stretching into a huge smile.

We followed her out of the entrance, which included a staircase and white walls that were decorated with paintings and family portraits, and through the small sitting room that included a fireplace. I noticed my father's chair - a brown, leather high-back - parked in front of the fireplace, where he once sat there and read his newspaper, and enjoyed coffee with my mom. I felt my chest ache a little as we passed through the room and entered the dining room, which had a walnut dining set that could easily seat twelve people.

"I'll be right back with the coffee," my mom said as Gerard and I sat across from each other, both next to the head of the table where my mom would be seated.

Gerard let out a heavy sigh after my mom left. He looked at me with wide eyes.

"You look a lot like your mom," he commented. "Also, I think she broke my kidney."

I snickered.

"Where'd the green eyes come from?" he asked. "Your mom's eyes are brown."

"My paternal grandparents had green eyes. Our gene pool is a little weird."

I shrugged, and saw Mom coming with a silver platter that had three coffee mugs and a kettle with coffee in it. She hurried back out, then came back with a cream cup and a cup with sugar cubes. My mom liked things to be fancy. She spent her days cleaning the house and making meals for her neighbors and our family. She was a fifties Mom Cliche, but it was what made her happy.

"So Gerard, Jade said you're an artist!" Mom said as she took a seat at the head of the table. "Where did you go to school?"

"SVA in the city," he said as he helped himself to a cup of coffee.

"Oh, how nice! Jade also went to school in the city. She went to NYU. We were so proud when she got in." Mom smiled at me as she rested her chilly hand on my arm.

"Yeah. Jade is really smart," Gerard said, then looked down awkwardly at his coffee cup he had between his hands.

"I'm not that smart," I commented.

"Always so modest," my mom said before releasing my arm. "She has told me quite a bit about you! How do you like playing in your band? Jade said you'll be touring next year."

"Mom," I muttered, feeling embarrassed.

Gerard looked surprised as he glanced at me, then focused on my mother.

"Oh, I love my band. My brother is also in the band - he plays bass. His name is Mikey."

"Michael is such a nice name," she said as she seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. "Your parents did a wonderful job raising you two."

"Thank you, Mrs. Parker," Gerard said quietly.

* * *

 

For a while there was talk of Gerard's past, and my mother was asking him about almost every major life event for him and wanted all the details. She was rather nosy. We had a turkey dinner at twelve-thirty, then were served pecan pie afterwards with home-made whipped cream (Gerard seemed a little excited about that). After conversation and food, my mother urged me to give Gerard a tour of the house while she cleaned up, and protested to me and Gerard helping her.

"Your mom is really nice," Gerard said as I led him up the stairs to give him the grand experience that was my former home.

"Yeah. She can be a little pushy sometimes, but she really is a great mom," I said as we reached the top of the stairs.

We stopped, and he smiled at me, then leaned in and kissed me. I smiled into his lips and kissed him back, trying to remember that we weren't alone. Also, my mother thought something was always burning, so she went investigating around the house whenever she had those little hallucinations.

Gerard pulled back and smiled at me, and I brushed a few crumbs off of his sweater.

"Oops," he said as he looked down at his feet.

"No harm," I said as I led him down the hall. "Here's the main bathroom."

I pushed open a white door and revealed a bathroom that was roughly the size of the one in my apartment, which was spotless, with everything shining like crazy. Even the spots in between the tiles sparkled. Gerard seemed to be in awe of my mom's compulsive cleaning.

We continued down the hall, and I showed him where our guest bedrooms were (we had two), then I showed him my mother's room (which she _loved_ showing off because it was decorated with a walnut curio cabinet my father built her, containing all things precious to her in it, and her bed was decorated with _Vera Bradley_ bedding set in a nice shade of brown and orange for autumn, which I was sure she was planning to switch out in a short amount of time for winter). Gerard liked the giant, professional portrait she had on the wall of my family above the TV, which was directly across from her bed. Like about everything else in the room, it was autumn-themed as well.

"Who took the photo?" he asked as he admired the photograph of me and my parents standing in front of our house, the leaves a beautiful shade of red on our old oak tree in front; I must have been about eighteen in the photo.

"A family friend of ours. She has her own photography studio. We always had her for birthdays and holidays. My mom liked getting our pictures taken every season as well. My mom is just really big on pictures."

_Shut up, you idiot! You're rambling!_

Gerard walked over to her curio and glanced inside, looking at the crystal figurines, photos in glass frames of different family members, and my father's badges and medals.

"What do these mean?" he asked as he pointed at my father's decorative sache and display of medals that was on a shelf by itself.

I walked across the oak floor, which was a little slippery because my mom obsessively cleaned it, and glanced inside.

"He got that for his service in Vietnam," I said as I pointed at what may have been the shiniest medal, despite being the oldest. "He was there for two years, and came home in seventy-five. He and my mom married that same year."

I felt myself smile a little, remembering their wedding pictures and how happy their much younger faces looked.

"How old was he when he joined the military?" Gerard looked up from my father's patches and medals to watch me.

"Seventeen. My grandparents had to sign for him to go in."

"Wow. That's really young," Gerard put his hands in his pockets, and stared into the curio, glancing at my reflection, and at all of my parents' things.

About five minutes later, I took him to my old room, which wasn't that old; I moved into my apartment that January, which was already planned before my father's passing.

"Wow. Now this is you," he said with a laugh as he looked at my (heavily) decorated walls.

He immediately sat down on the canopy bed, done up in green, and stared around at my mint-green walls. Posters of David Bowie, Aerosmith, Rick Springfield, Green Day, Michael Jackson, and several actors and actresses were on display. Gerard asked about the paintings I had in a corner near an electric keyboard, which sat under a window that looked out over the backyard, which gave a good view of my mother's garden.

"Those are mine," I said as he got up to examine them.

"How'd I not know you did this?" he said as he lifted the cloth off of them to go through them. "You're really talented."

I blushed.

"Thanks. I minored in art."

"You still paint? I've never seen anything for it at your apartment." He pulled out a painting I did of a summer scenery near a blue lake.

"No. I haven't in over a year." I folded my arms over my chest, watching him go through my art (something I normally would've swatted someone for).

I saw him pause as he reached a portrait of a sunset, and seemed to understand why I stopped. He stopped going through my paintings and walked around the room, which was quite bright due to positioning of the sun, and having white curtains. Gerard made a few comments on my posters ("You're in love with David Bowie," "Why isn't there any Iron Maiden stuff?" "Could you be more lame with Rick Springfield?"), then turned on the keyboard and played a couple single notes, and commented on how he didn't know I played.

"I'm afraid there's still a fair deal you don't know about me." I smiled at him as he sat next to me on the bed.

"I like your old room. Why didn't you take the posters to your new apartment?" He kissed my cheek.

"Wanted everything to be fresh," I said as I let out a sigh, letting my eyes wander over to the Nimrod-era Green Day poster I had on my wall, realizing how much I missed all those posters, and how much I missed having color on my walls.

"Jade! Gerard!"I heard my mom yell. "Come down and join me for some coffee!"

"Trouble time," I said jokingly.

Gerard sighed and rested his chin on my shoulder for a moment, then launched forward and gave me a borderline aggressive kiss (he got a little playful from time to time), then hurried out of my room, making me follow him out a little faster than anticipated. I really had no idea what I was plotting for revenge.

* * *

 

We were in the sitting room, and my mother made herself comfortable in a rocking chair, leaving my father's high-back chair and a brown love seat available. I didn't want to sit in Dad's chair, and I assumed Gerard noticed how much I avoided that one seat in particular, and went to join me on the love seat.

"Oh, Jade, could you get me a blanket out of the closet? I forgot. It's so chilly today," Mom said as she looked up at me with a loving look.

"Of course," I said with a smile, and went over to the little coat closet in the room, where we kept throw blankets and a couple extra pillows.

While pulling out a gray throw blanket, something underneath it fell, and I managed to catch it in time.

_...oh, god...._

I froze in my spot, and felt Gerard's presence behind me right away. He noticed what was in my hands, and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a gentle voice.

I held on tight to the perfectly folded flag while Gerard kept his hand on my shoulder. I hugged the flag tightly to my chest, and rested my chin on it. My body burned as I felt myself taken back to that day....

* * *

_September 15th, 2001_

I stood next to my mother at the cemetery, both of us wearing black dresses with long sleeves. My mother (who was a couple inches shorter than me and about two sizes smaller) had my black, long coat draped over her shoulders. She wore a black, wide-brim hat with a black veil over her face. It was the normal attire for wives to wear to the many funerals I attended in my then-twenty-two years of life.

We just finished listening to a choir from the church sing _Amazing Grace_. Despite the sunny weather and hearing a beautiful song, everything was ugly. My mother and I stared at the empty, oak coffin for my father with the American flag neatly tucked under it. Surrounding us were all of my father's family (three uncles and two aunts, and twelve cousins), and my mother's family (an uncle, and two cousins), everyone holding a little flag. About three of my cousins were too young to understand what was happening, most were teens, and there were about four who were in my age group.

I recognized a couple of the honor guards holding their rifles, as they were some of my father's best friends. Two of them served together in Vietnam. Staff Sergeant Jonathan Fields, standing in a line to the left of us, looked over at me, and I was met with his pale blue eyes. He nodded at me, haven known me since I was a little girl.

I saw my mom wiping a few tears with her tissue, and I put my arm around her to squeeze her in comfort. A soldier on each side of the honor guards turned to face us, one holding an American flag, and one holding a USMC flag. All honor guards in line were all clad in their dress uniforms, donning white gloves, and seven with rifles. I choked back the urge to cry again, and watched as our Priest motioned for us to focus on the soldiers.

I glanced off to my right and saw the horse-drawn caisson. Everything was proper, and so much of it seemed like something my father wouldn't have wanted. He was humble about his service, but given the way he died, my elders unanimously agreed to go full-blown, not paying mind to my father's wishes.

Behind the seven honor guards was a flag officer and a ranking officer.

"Ready," the ranking officer ordered as the honor guards placed their rifles in front of themselves, barrels up.

"Aim!" the ranking officer order.

The honor guards raised their rifles to the sky.

" _Fire!_ " barked the ranking officer.

Seven rifles fired, causing some of my younger cousins to jump, and I noticed my three-year-old cousin (Joshua) clinging to my uncle Lawrence's leg.

They repeated the salute two more times, then the ranking officer saluted while the honor guards held their rifles upright as _Taps_ was performed on the Bugle. Soldiers standing near my family turned to my father's coffin and saluted as the song played. Once the song ended, a releasing of white doves flew from their cages, and two honor guards lifted the flag from my father's coffin, one of whom was a frequent visitor in our home (Alec Falconerri, who served with my father).

We watched as Alec and a man, whose name I didn't know, carefully fold the flag thirteen times, stars facing up. They were presented with three shells from the twenty-one gun salute. I watched as Alec inserted them into the flag, and slowly saluted the flag the honor guard was holding, and watched as he gave the flag to Alec, saluting the flag as well. After lowering his arm, he turned, and slowly marched away from the crowd of family members.

Alec approached my mother, a heart-breaking look shadowed on his face, and his brown eyes full of sorrow as he knelt in front of her.

"On behalf of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to Country and Corps."

My mother, who was sobbing, opened her palms and accepted the flag. Alec stood, keeping his face as stern as possible, and slowly saluted her. My mother's hand went to her mouth, and she leaned against me as Alec lowered his arm, turned, and marched off.

The previous night, the night of his wake, I waited until everyone cleared out of the church so I could talk to the empty coffin. My mother had her time with it, clutching the photo of him with me and Mom in it, as she wept and prayed. It hurt to see my mom that way - her dark brown hair a mess, her eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks. After visitors left, our Priest (Father Gisseppi) led her to his office to speak with her (I felt bad for the Father because he must have been speaking to hundreds of people every day, hearing so many stories similar to ours).

Being raised Catholic, I had my green rosary beads I received on my twelfth birthday from my father (guess why they were green). I held on to my rosary beads for the first time in numerous years, since I stopped attending church when I was sixteen. I stared at my father's coffin and felt completely broken and lost. He was our rock - he was the one who taught me how to ride a bike, how to defend myself; he bought me my first bass when I was twelve (and later on, a guitar), and encouraged me to go to college to be whatever I wanted instead of being a nurse or an attorney like so many of our other family members wanted.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way, Dad," I said as I lost focus on his coffin, staring at the photo of him in his Marine uniform. "You were supposed to be an old man - you were supposed to be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and meet your grand-kids. You and Mom were supposed to bicker with each other over dumb things, and tell me and my children all kinds of stories, and take them fishing."

I wiped away a few tears, and squeezed my rosary beads.

"You were supportive when I stopped coming to church. I haven't prayed in a long time...." I let out a shaky sigh, before I knelt in front of his coffin, where there were candles burning, and everything felt lost.

 _I_ felt lost. Part of me was gone, and I felt angry with God. I felt like it was _His_ fault for my dad dying in one of the worst ways possible. After I left my mom's house just three days before, I stopped in the streets and screamed at the sky, and for once, people who passed me in the streets seemed to understand; there wasn't the aura of them assuming I was crazy or a crackhead.

But I knew my father would've wanted me to pray. I knew he wouldn't want me to be angry with God, I knew he wouldn't want me to feel sad that he was gone - he wanted me to be happy, he wanted me to not hold a grudge against our Creator. So I prayed right there in the church, in front of my father's empty coffin (with the exclusion of a Marine's uniform folded neatly inside with a Crucifix necklace and a sword that faced the feet of the coffin.

I recited the prayers I learned the first sixteen years of my life, counting my beads, feeling anger at those who were responsible for taking my father from me, feeling shattered from not being able to come home and see him in his chair, seeing his suits hanging up in our home and knowing he'll never put them on again. For being crushed on the one-hundred and twenty-second floor of the North Tower.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

I finished the Sign of the Cross, and stood, and took a look around the empty church, noticing there wasn't a single Priest or Nun around, then looked back at my Father's coffin. It was closed by then, having been left open for people to see his uniform earlier that evening. I opened it, still clutching my beads, and draped them over his uniform, just after kissing the crucifix on it.

"I miss you, Daddy," I said quietly as I ran my finger over the brim of the hat they supplied (we were allowed to keep his real uniform). "I will always love you."

* * *

 

"Jade?"

I felt my mother shaking my shoulder, and I snapped out of my flashback. Mom and Gerard looked concerned, and I realized I was pressing my face to the flag. I let out a shaky breath and handed it to my mother, who brought me in for a hug.

"I'm sorry, dear," she said as I fought back tears. "I've been after them to send a case for this so I can put it away properly, and keep it out of sight."

"It's good to remember," Gerard piped up, making my mom and I turn to face him; he had his hands in his pocket, gingerly moving his feet as he stood in place. "I mean, it's good to remember him. Remember what he did, remember the way he was. It'll always hurt, but never let his memory die."

I saw my mom get teary-eyed as her fingers rested on her chin, then she walked over and placed her hands on Gerard's face. Gerard had a faint look of fear in his eyes when he glanced at me.

"You are such a sweet young man," she said before she gave him a tight hug. "I'm so glad you met my daughter."

Gerard gently pat her on the back as he stared at me.

"I'm glad I met her, too."


	9. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade prepares for Christmas Eve with the guys and goes shopping for their gifts. Later, she goes to the party and meets some of Gerard's relatives.

_Two Weeks 'Till Christmas Eve_

As the days edged closer to Christmas, I began to panic over my lack of money and gifts for my mother and the guys. I had to work the day shift on Christmas Eve and the day shift of New Year's Eve, as it was required by Walgreens. I hated working the holidays - it felt wrong to work on Christmas, and I assumed if I went to the lead and told him I was Catholic and it went against my religion, I'd probably be out of working Christmas. However... given how badly I needed the money, I'd just have to just go to Mass to make up for it.

As soon as I came home from work on a Tuesday afternoon, I called my mother and did the unthinkable in my family.

"Hello?" came her perky, feminine voice.

"Hi, Mother," I greeted as I felt a large weight of guilt in my chest.

"Hello, Jade. How are you doing, sweetheart?"

She sounds talkative. Her mood seems decent. Just fingers crossed....

"I've been a little better. How are you?" I bit my lip as I sat down at my table, feeling the anxiety build.

"Oh, I'm fine. Joyce, Linda, Georgia, and Kathy were over for brunch earlier. We sure do miss having you join us, Jade."

"I miss them. Please give them my love," I said as I shut my eyes tight, wanting to cry from what I had to ask of her.

"You sound upset, dear. What's the matter?"

"Mom...." My voice grew faint.

"Come on, Jade. Just tell me what's wrong." Her voice was soothing.

"I... I need to borrow some money for Christmas. I know - I've declined your offers many times, but I just want to do something good this year. I just want Christmas to be good this year."

She let out a sigh.

"Oh, Jade. I know last year was terrible. We didn't celebrate, and you were just starting that awful job of yours. You know there's always the option to join your aunt's business."

"Mother...." I sighed, feeling a tear roll down my cheeks.

I felt my pride dying and felt like a beggar.

"You wouldn't have to relocate. She's moving her business to New York City."

"Mother, could we please discuss this another time? I just don't have the willpower in me to think about businesses and my job. Please...."

"I'm sorry, honey." She sighed. "Of course you may borrow money. I'll give you the checkbook, and you can spend your day Christmas shopping. I must ask - for whom are you buying for?"

"Well, you, of course. The guys in the band. Gerard and his family-"

I was cut off by a quiet giggle from my mother, which made my face burn red. I rested my head in my hand, feeling my damp hair from sweat stick to the palm of my hand.

"You should invite Gerard over on Christmas. He's such a nice young man. Tell me, dear - what are you thinking of getting him?"

"Some art stuff, I guess."

"You should put a little more thought into what you're getting him. He's such a nice young man... perhaps I'll get him something as well."

"Mother!" I said quickly. "No! You don't need to do that!"

"And I would very much like to meet his family. He must come from a good home for him to turn out like that. I do hope you're keeping contact with him regularly, dear."

"I am, Mother. I'm supposed to call him soon."

Through what I knew was one of her up-to-no-good laughs, she said, "Alright. Come by on your next day off and I'll let you borrow the checkbook. Take care, dear. I love you."

"I love you, too. Thank you, Mom."

"You're welcome, Jade."

We hung up, and I immediately dialed Gerard's number, feeling a little shaky from the conversation with my mother.

"Hello?" I heard Gerard answer, for once not sounding groggy.

"Hi Gerard," I said in a shy tone.

"Hey Jade," he replied, his voice suddenly going a little deeper. "How was work?"

"Soul-sucking." I heard him chuckle.

We visited for about an hour, and I asked him what some of the guys in the band wanted for Christmas. Matt wasn't going to participate in the Christmas Eve party, so I didn't have to bother buying for him. Gerard said he’d already started Christmas shopping, so I felt a little more heat to hurry up and start mine.

* * *

 

  
_Twelve Days Until Christmas Eve_

I had my mother’s checkbook in hand and was ready to start building up the loan I’d owe her. Wanting to save Gerard’s shopping for last, I decided to go ahead and buy something for Ray first. I was thinking something to do with music for him, so I traveled into the city and visited East Village Music Store to do some shopping for his baby.

“Welcome to East Village. May I assist you with anything?” a man with blond, spiky hair asked me as I entered the store.

“Yes. I’m looking for some accessories for my friend’s guitar. Could you tell me where I could find new strings with a string winder?”

“Follow me,” he said, leading me to the middle of the store where all guitar accessories were hanging on a wall.

“This is about five dollars more, but you get a lot of bang for your buck with a two-in-one. I have one myself.”

The guy, whose name tag said Joshua, handed me a two-in-one string winder with teeth on it to cut the strings. I slowly nodded as he handed me the tool. It was fifteen dollars, but hey, it was something cool for Ray, and he said he needed a new string winder.

“Perfect. I think I’ve got everything from here,” I told Joshua, who seemed to wander off while I was thinking about the string winder to help another young woman out.

 _Men_ , I thought.

I bought Ray the string winder/cutter, two sets of Ernie Ball strings, a package of Dunlop guitar picks, a Snark tuner that he could clip on his headstock instead of relying on a silly plug-in tuner, and some new strap locks. Since I knew Mikey needed a tuner as well, I also bought him the same kind of tuner, along with new strings and a new guitar strap. Frank would also be receiving new strings and a new guitar strap.

My next stop was Coffee Project on East 5th Street, where I bought Mikey three different types of ground, specialty coffee. I also parked my ass there for a snack and a coffee before I would continue to get something for Frank.

“Double mocha espresso and a blueberry scone, please,” I ordered just as my phone started ringing.

“Comin’ right up,” the young girl said from behind the counter, bussling off to prepare my order.

“Hello?” I answered, swinging my shopping bag in my left hand.

“Hey,” came Gerard’s voice.

“Hi Gerard!” My voice went up about twenty octaves, which made me blush. “How are you?”

“Good. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later.”

“Thank you,” I said as the barista brought up my order. “How much later? I’m actually Christmas shopping right now.”

“Oh! Well, I don’t want to interrupt you. Are you off tomorrow?”

“I am.” I took a seat at a table near the window and watched as snow gracefully fell onto the polluted city.

“How about then? Say, eleven?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you then.” I smiled.

“See you!” He hung up.

I sighed as I hung up my phone and put it back in my pocket.

_Gerard, why do you have to be so cute and dreamy?_

* * *

 

 An hour later I was at Gamestop on Broadway to buy Frank a few video games. I bought him two horror games and a new copy of Grand Theft Auto III because his old copy wore out. After that, I was left with the most difficult task: what to get Gerard. My mother said to put a lot of thought into what I got him, and that’s exactly what I wanted to do.

After wandering around part of the city for a couple of hours, I decided to go to Michaels to get Gerard some art supplies. I ended up purchasing him some marker pens, new colored pencils, a leather-bound sketch book with over three-hundred pages, and some arcylic paints. While I was in Michaels, I ran into Jermaine of all people.

“Hey, Jermaine!” I exclaimed, the basket I was carrying in my hand growing heavy from the items I was collecting.

“Hey, what’s good, Jade?” he asked as he set down a package of paint brushes. “Didn’t expect to see you around.”

“I’m just shopping for the guys. You have any plans for Christmas?”

“Rob and I are going to his parents’ place in Upstate New York. It’s gonna be tight.” He grinned as he looked down at me. “What are you doin’ on Christmas? You got plans with your mom?”

“I’m having dinner with her on Christmas day, but I’m going to a party on Christmas Eve. I’m really excited.” I grinned at him.

“You and Gerard seal the deal yet?” He smirked.

I blushed.

“No! Not yet. I don’t know if he’s even interested.” I sighed as I leaned against a shelf that had wooden letters on it.

“He’s a dude, Jade. Of course he’s interested. Shit, you talk to him about it?” He was facing me then and had his arms folded over his muscular chest.

“No. I’m afraid I’ll come off as a whore. I mean, we aren’t even officially dating or anything. The other guys don’t know about us yet. It’s weird having to go around them and pretend nothing’s happening.”

“Don’t you trust the little one? Francis?”

“Frank,” I corrected.

“Right. Tell his little ass what’s up and maybe he can help you out since he’s friends with the guy.”

“Thanks, Jermaine.”

We visited for a little while longer before he had to get going to meet Rob for coffee. I bought Gerard some new brushes while I was at it and decided to just get something for my mother at the jewelry store before calling it quits for the day. I would think of something extra for Gerard later.

* * *

_Christmas Eve_

I arrived at Gerard and Mikey’s house at eight for the Christmas party, which had all the guys except for Matt in the band, and about a dozen other people I didn’t know. Frank was the first one to greet me at the door, and he was floored when he saw all the presents I had in my arms and in gift bags.

“Holy shit, Jaded,” he said with wide eyes. “You went nuts! Here, let me help you. Which one’s mine?”

He smirked as he took a few presents out of my hands, freeing me up so I could properly hold on to the four big gift bags I had in my hands.

“I did go a little crazy, but I wanted everyone to have a good Christmas.” I smiled at him. “And yours are in the snowflake wrapping paper, but don’t peek at them.”

“You’re gonna shit when you see what we got you.” He led me into the living room where a modest Christmas tree was set up, decorated in Nightmare Before Christmas-style decorations, which mostly looked hand-made by Gerard.

“I’m digging the candy canes,” I commented, nodding toward the orange and black Halloween candy canes hanging off a few branches. “The entire tree is so fitting.”

“My mom would be throwing holy water at it,” Frank remarked as he stood next to me while I admired the tree.

“Like it?” Mikey asked as he came up behind us.

I turned and smiled at him, then opened my arms up for a hug.

“Merry Christmas, Mikey!”

He chuckled.

“Merry Christmas, Jade.” He hugged me, being careful not to spill his can of beer all over.

“Where’s Gerard?” I asked as I looked around the living room, noticing only people I didn’t know standing around, snacking on cocktail weenies, cheese, and drinking different beverages, one of which looked like egg nog.

“Kitchen. He’s been waiting for you.”

“Thanks.” I let go of him and left the room, having already know the layout of the house from numerous visits over the past month.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found Gerard talking to a couple of guys who appeared to be in our age group, whom I didn’t know. I stood by the entrance and waited for him to notice me so I didn’t interrupt his conversation. He was laughing at what I assumed was a joke told by one of the guys, who were both taller than Gerard. After about thirty seconds, he noticed me and beckoned me over.

“Bruce, Tyler, this is Jade,” he said as he put his arm around me.

Upon getting a closer look, I noticed the older looking guy looked a little like Mikey. He was the first to smile at me, showing off teeth that were a little crooked, and extended his hand.

“I’m Bruce. Nice to meet you, Jade. Gerard’s been talking about you all evening.”

I shook his hand and blushed.

“Nice to meet you, Bruce.”

“And I’m Tyler. Pleasure.” Tyler took my hand next and shook it, and I noticed he too looked like the Way brothers.

“Likewise. Are you guys cousins?” I let go of Tyler’s hand and looked between the trio.

“We are! His mom is our aunt. We’ve been meaning to come see the band before they get famous, but Gerard keeps insisting that it’s not worth our time,” said Bruce, who had a smile permanently glued to his face.

“We aren’t going to get famous,” Gerard said with a laugh, appearing to be completely sober (and looking handsome as ever in a dark green sweater with nice-fitting black jeans). “That happens to other people.”

“Hey, don’t give up, little cousin. We’re ready to brag about knowing My Chemical Romance when you guys get on MTV,” said Tyler.

“Yeah, yeah. Will you two excuse us?” Gerard asked as he started to guide me away from the cousins.

“Of course,” Tyler said with a wink.

The guys laughed while Gerard rolled his eyes as he led me out of the kitchen and into the empty hallway that had the entry door to the house and a staircase in it.

“Sorry about them. So... hi.” He grinned at me.

“Hi.” I giggled.

“Merry Christmas.” He leaned forward and gave me a hug, and I melted in his embrace.

“Missed you. It’s been, what, a week?” I asked as I pulled away from him.

“Sounds about right. Sorry about that - I’ve been busy helping Mikey get this night ready, and then we’ve had a couple of jobs, and... yeah. Are you still saving money for a computer? Mikey and I might work on buying one, and maybe we could email each other when we can’t see each other in case a phone call doesn’t work.”

“That would be something.” I smiled at him, then a thought crossed my mind about our relationship and the giant question mark that still loomed over it. “Could we maybe talk about something kind of personal?”

“Of course. Whatever you want,” he said as he sat down on the stairs.

I took a seat next to him.

“What are we?”

He blinked a few times, his beautiful hazel eyes glistening under the dim lighting.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean... are we in a relationship, are we just friends, or...?” I bit my lip, feeling a little anxious at his response.

“Well, it’s a relationship. I’ve... I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I didn’t really know how to ask because I’m pretty shit at this kinda thing, but... want to be my girlfriend?”

I grinned at him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes! Yes, absolutely.” I pulled back at smiled at him, only to be met with one of his gorgeous smiles in return.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he said quietly before he leaned forward to kiss me.

As soon as our lips met, I felt the same fireworks explode in my mind as they always did. I was about to slip him some tongue when we were pulled apart by a “whoa.” As soon as I looked up, there stood Frank, a smirk about a mile long on his face as he stared down at us.

“I knew it,” he whispered. “And I got to overhear the magic words! You two going to tell everyone, or do I get to be the super special secret-keeper?”

He kept grinning at us, and I noticed he had a red party cup in hand. Gerard shook his head.

“It’s up to Jade. I’m cool with everyone knowing, though I’m sure they could just find out in time.”

“What he said,” was my response. “I don’t care if they find out. Just... don’t go shouting about it though, please, Frankie.”

“You got it, Jaded.” He winked at me, then pat Gerard on the shoulder. “Congrats, man. It’s about damn time!”

* * *

About an hour later, after the random people I didn’t really know left (who were all related to Mikey and Gerard I later found out), we all sat down in front of the tree and started opening our presents. Mikey went first and was ecstatic over my gifts.

“Pistachio rose latte? White chocolate peppermint affagato? I can’t wait to try these!” he exclaimed as he gave me a hug. “Thanks, Jade.”

“You’re welcome, Mikey.” I smiled as we hugged.

Frank and Ray were equally excited about their gifts.

“How’d you know I needed a new GTA three?” Frank asked as he laughed while opening the package for his game.

“Oh, sweet! This is going to be so handy while we’re on the road. I’m always breaking my damn strings,” Ray said as he admired his string winder/cutter.

“Your turn, Gerard,” Frank said, as we were all going one at a time with our gifts.

“Yeah, okay,” Gerard said, donning skeleton gloves like Frank had.

He reached under the tree and unwrapped gifts from the guys first, receiving mainly comic books and vinyl records, which he was equally excited for with each gift he opened. When he got to mine, Frank let out an “ooh,” which made Ray and Mikey look at him oddly.

“I’m just sure Jade got him some really good stuff is all,” Frank said with a smirk.

“Shut up, Frank,” Gerard said quietly while he unwrapped some of my smaller gifts for him, which were wrapped in shimmering red wrapping paper.

“Tombow! I like this brand. How’d you know?” he grinned at me before he pulled me into a hug, which was fairly easy since we were sitting within arm’s reach of each other.

“I saw you using them one day,” I responded. “Go on - open the big one. That’s the one I worked the hardest on.”

He nodded and grabbed a gift that was about fourteen inches long and carefully unwrapped it, only to reveal an abstract painting of David Bowie during his Aladdin Sane era.

“Holy shit! Where’d you get this?” he asked as he admired the portrait.

“I made it.”

That made all four heads turn.

“You paint?” Mikey asked.

“Did you go to art school?” Ray asked.

“Can you paint a portrait of me?” Frank asked.

“How long did this take?” Gerard asked.

“Slow down, guys,” I laughed. “I didn’t go to art school, I used to paint all the time, and I can probably paint you, Frank. The painting took about six hours. Do you like it?”

I bit my lip as I waited for his response. I had to admit that I felt super self-conscious giving him a piece of art for Christmas, especially since Gerard was so good at art and I felt like a crappy painter. He grinned in response and kissed my cheek, which left Ray and Mikey staring at us.

“I love it,” he said with a smile. “Come on, open your presents!”

I went through the last gifts under the tree, and noticed one of the bigger ones was for me. I opened Gerard’s first and was tickled to find a sketch book full of cartoons, original characters, sketches, and a few water color paintings from him. It was one of the best gifts I’d ever received. I was instructed to open the big gift before opening stuff from Ray and Frank. Inside the bigger package was a Playstation Two, which blew my mind out of the water.

“Serious?” I exclaimed as I looked at the box, then looked up at the four men who were all grinning at me.

“We all pitched in and decided to get it for you,” said Mikey. “You’re a good friend, Jade. We’re gonna miss seeing you for a couple months, so....”

“You guys are all too sweet!” I went around and hugged all of them. “You guys shouldn’t have!”

“We wanted to,” said Ray. “Come on! You still have more presents to open!”

I ended up receiving nothing but video games and VHS tapes from the rest of the guys. I received quite a few horror games, which surprised me. There were also a good number of two-player games, which I assumed were for when they would come over to hang out.

* * *

At the end of the night, it was just me, Gerard, and Mikey left. Ray and Frank had to get home to sober up a little because they had their family get togethers the next day. I was getting ready to leave when Mikey was turning in for bed.

“Good night, Jade. Merry Christmas,” he said as he pulled me into a hug, drunk and a little unstable.

“Good night, Mikey. Merry Christmas.” I hugged him back, then smiled at him as he went up the stairs.

“Wish I could stay with you tonight,” Gerard said after Mikey went upstairs and I was by the door.

“Me too. I’m sure your brother would wonder why you aren’t here, though.”

“He’d understand if we told him,” he said.

I smiled at him, then leaned up and kissed him, which lasted for nearly a minute. He pulled back and grinned at me.

“See you on Thursday?” he asked with a shy smile.

“See you then. Call me tomorrow?” I kissed him.

“You bet,” he said as he kissed me back.

“Merry Christmas, Gerard.”

“Merry Christmas, Jade.”


	10. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Gerard have sex for the first time. If you're not into that kinda stuff, I advise not reading this chapter. Sorry!

It was the night before the guys were due to go on tour, which meant I wouldn’t see Gerard until March and would miss him terribly, so he spent the night at my apartment. Frank was still the only one who knew about our relationship, and we were okay with that for the time being. We didn’t feel a need to hurry and tell the entire world about us, and make a big scene over it. While we would hang out with the other guys, or while I came to their shows, we played it off like we were just friends (and would find secluded areas to make out if we were feeling frisky).

My sweet Gerard, which made me feel so warm and giddy to call him mine, was resting on my couch length-ways with a sketch book on his belly with his art kit laying next to him on the coffee table. He was drawing a portrait of a superhero who was levitating, whom he called “The Seance.” He drew that character multiple times since I knew him, and told me it was something to stick on my wall since he knew I loved that character.

Meanwhile, I was rubbing his feet while he drew, and he would stop occasionally to laugh and giggle if I tickled him. He would tell me not to stop despite nearly dropping his supplies on the hard wood floor. He also protested to a foot massage at first, but having known he spent a lot of time on his feet earlier that day because of band practice, I figured he would appreciate it in the long run.

“It should be me rubbing your feet. You had to pound the cement floors in the store for eight hours,” he said as he used the fine-tip end of a black marker to fill in The Seance’s mask.

“You always do stuff for me. I’d like to do something for you.” I smiled up at him, his feet resting in my lap.

“You’re too good to me.” He set his art supplies on the coffee table and sat up, leaning in to give me a kiss.

“Mmm,” I mumbled into his soft lips, feeling butterflies in my stomach. “I’m going to miss you. I wish there was a way I could see you while you’re on tour.”

“I know. I’m gonna go crazy from not seeing you. I wish you could come with us.”

“If I could take a couple weeks off, I’d come with you for your New England portion, but I don’t have the available hours, and we’re already short-staffed.” I sighed as I pressed my face into his neck.

“Some day you’ll come with us, and we’ll have a bus to tour in, and we can share a bed and nobody can say anything about it.”

“We’ll just be endlessly teased by Frank,” I commented.

He smiled.

“Maybe he’ll be more mature by then.”

I snorted.

“Doubtful.”

An hour and a half later, we were in bed and he was stripped down to a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt and his black boxer-briefs. He complained of it being too warm in my apartment, but I reminded him that I’d be damned before I’d freeze in Jersey. I admired his body in his tighter-fitting clothes and tried to avoid staring at his bulge for too long. It wasn’t too long before we were on our sides, facing each other, kissing.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered between kisses, to which I responded by slipping my tongue in his mouth.

He pulled me closer and pushed me onto my back, his body warm and the fabric of his t-shirt driving me crazy from lack of access to his skin. I ran my hands under the material and felt the rough skin of his back, enjoying the masculinity of his shape. He pressed himself against me, which drove me wild. He pulled back from kissing me and started running the tip of his tongue along my neck, making me spread my legs, welcoming him in between them.

He was sucking on my throat when I realized we never went that far before. I felt a sudden urge of anxiety, but tried to keep myself calm. I reminded myself that I was on the pill, and that I started keeping condoms around as soon as he started spending nights at my apartment because hey, if he ever wanted to sleep with me in a million years I was going to say yes.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a couple of moments of me not responding to his actions.

“Yeah. Sorry - I just kinda got lost in thought for a second.” I smiled at him and leaned up to kiss him.

He smiled into my lips before pulling back.

“Are you okay with this? Is this too much?”

“No! I want to do this. Please, Gerard,” I said quietly as I hugged his hips to me, making him let out a heavy sigh.

“Okay,” he stuttered, looking surprised by my response.

He pulled the strap of my shirt down and started kissing his way up to my ear, where he took my ear lobe into his mouth and gently nibbled on it. I tugged at the ends of his shirt, hoping he’d get the message to shed it. He pulled back again and stared down at me with confusion.

“Could you... could you maybe take this off?” I asked quietly, feeling a little awkward.

He bit his lip as he looked down at me.

“What if you don’t like what you see?” he asked quietly.

I felt a little sad for him and his lack of confidence in his own body. I hugged him to me and gave him a long kiss.

“You’re handsome no matter what’s under your shirt,” I replied. “I’m not going to judge you.”

He hesitated for a moment before he sat up, his bulge pressing against my inner thigh (which made me wild) as he slowly took off his shirt. I admired his bare chest, hairless, and his slightly chubby tummy that looked cute on him. I smiled up at him before leaning forward to kiss from his belly up to his neck. He sighed, his hands supporting his balance by holding on to the rail on my bed and being pressed against the wall.

“You feel so good,” he whispered.

“You look good,” I replied as I sat up to kiss him.

He laid me back down and ran his hands up my shirt, not going beyond the bottom of my ribs. I slipped my hands between us and pulled my shirt off, which made him freeze in his place and stutter, appearing to be bashful.

“Jade, are you sure?” he asked. “If we really get going, I don’t think I’m gonna stop.”

“I’m more than sure. I’ve wanted this since I met you,” I told him, at that point not caring if I sounded slutty.

“Oh God, Jade,” he said as he leaned down to kiss me before he focused his attention on my breasts.

He palmed them first before cupping one and sucking on my nipple. His tongue flicked over the tip of it, making me writhe beneath him, spreading my legs and thrusting my hips up against his bulge. He moaned into my breast as his hands traveled down my body and landed on my sweatpants.

I began kicking them off, leaving us in only our underwear. He was hard as a rock by that point and took hold of my hand so I could touch him.

“See what you do to me?” he whispered in my ear. “The other night I was thinking about us fucking while I was jerking off. You’re more beautiful than I imagined.”

My heart raced at his words. My palm was on his crotch, which was still covered by the fabric of his underpants. Hearing him speak so dirty made me dripping wet. I had to have him right there, right then.

“Fuck me, Gerard,” I said as I pulled at the waistband of his underwear.

“Anything for you,” he said as he pulled his boxers off and kicked them away.

I groaned at the heat of his flesh against my thin layer of fabric. Whether he knew it or not, he did all the right things to turn me on. I shed myself of my underwear, and for a moment, we just laid there together in our most vulnerable state, feeling each other, exploring the other person’s skin, enjoying each other’s touch. He was so sexy and so beautiful. Everything about that man was perfection in my eyes.

“Do you have...?” he whispered in my ear, leaving a kiss on it as his hand traveled down the side of my cheek to my breast.

“On the shelf,” I replied, raising an arm out from under him to point to a small box on my little shelf to the left of us.

He kissed my lips before raising himself up to get into the little wicker box, where he pulled out a box of condoms. He took one out and rolled one on his hot, throbbing manhood. He positioned himself between my legs, staring down at me with passion and lust in his eyes.

“Ready?” he whispered, his hazel eyes glistening in the dim light I had on next to my bed.

I nodded, smiling up at him. He leaned down and kissed me, and I felt his hand between my legs. He massaged my opening with his dick, making me spread my legs as far apart as possible for him. He slowly slid himself into me, and I exhaled as he did so, feeling his warmth all over. His girth stretched me, scratching the months-long itch I had for him. He worked out a rhythm and rocked himself slowly, his face twisted into a focused expression; he was biting his bottom lip while his eyes were closed, which was a slight shame because I wanted to look into those beautiful orbs as he fucked me.

“Oh God,” he said between pants after several minutes, him picking up his pace as he thrust in me.

He reached between us and massaged my clit, which had me on the verge of screaming in ecstasy. For a guy who was so shy around women, he sure as hell knew how to please one. It was only a couple of minutes before I came, shouting his name as I hugged him as tight as possible to my body, feeling the hot sweat dripping down our bodies.

He groaned loudly and stopped thrusting, appearing to be focused on catching his breath as he held himself over the top of me, his body tensed up, fingers still on my slick clit.

“Oh God, Jade,” he moaned. “Oh God.”

He pulled himself out and rolled onto his back, his shaggy, raven hair soaked and stuck to his temples. His skin felt hot to the touch, and he was out of breath. I turned onto my side and kissed his lips, tasting his stale cigarettes and the peppermint he had before bed. He looked at me with hooded eyes as a lazy grin formed on his beautiful lips. He pressed his hand to the side of my face and gave me a long kiss.

We cleaned up and changed back into t-shirts and our underpants, and there we laid for the rest of the night in each others' arms, cuddled up and enjoying the afterglow of our first time. We talked about their tour and the next time I would see him, we talked about music and art, and we talked about life. If sex with Gerard meant a deep talk every time afterward, I really lucked out with the stranger I met at Brittle End.


	11. I Miss You

February

A month passed since Gerard left to tour. I missed him terribly, and found myself eating less and feeling a little depressed since he was gone. He called me almost every day, and promised he was going to bring me back a souvenir from their tour, though I had no idea what it was. I had nearly two months of waiting left to do, which felt like years without him.

Since we started dating, I saw him every day and got used to him sleeping over. By that point in time, everyone knew we were together; the only one to give us shit was Matt, who I thought was an asshole. He nearly wrecked the van Elena gave Gerard and Mikey, and he often made fun of the fact that Gerard and I were together - he would often say I should have gotten with him [Matt], or I could have at least gotten with the “midget” Frank. Remarks like that often pissed Gerard off, but I told him to let it slide since Matt was a dumb jackass anyway.

Elena and I spoke very regularly, as both our families found out about Gerard and me. Elena was the grandmother I always wished for since I never really knew my grandparents. She would visit me a couple times per week, be it at the store or at my apartment. She liked a strong cup of coffee and a plate of treats when she was over.

“You know dear, I’m so happy you and my sweet Gerard are dating. He’s such a good young man. For a while, I thought he had no interest in girls because he simply never talked about them! I suppose being raised with two Italian women helped him out in that regard, though.” She gave me a nod before she sipped her black coffee, her tiny frame planted across from me at my kitchen table.

“He’s wonderful in every way,” I said in a dreamy voice, my head resting on my hand as I stared at her, seeing her eyes mirror Gerard’s.

“Now if only you had a sister for Mikey! That boy gets into enough trouble.” She “tsked” and shook her head. “I’m glad you got Gerard straightened out. He needs a good young lady like you to keep him on the right track. He got lost along the way and it seems Mikey did as well.”

“Mikey’s a great man,” I commented. “He’s just a little troubled right now. Would you like me to talk to him when they come back from tour?”

“Nonsense! Your attention belongs with my dear Gerard. I need you to keep him focused from that damn drinking of his. He’s going to be foolish one of these days if he gets back into it and get himself killed. For a while we were talking him into a living will just in case.” She sat her coffee mug down and popped her crooked fingers, then helped herself to a sugar cookie. “You know the good thing about being old, dear? I can have as much candy and sweets as I want and I don’t have to worry about it.”

I smiled at her.

“You’re not old, Elena. You don’t look a day over twenty.”

She blushed as she chewed her cookie and waved a hand at me.

“You wonder why I like you so much.” She took a drink of her coffee. “Who taught you how to bake, dear? These are wonderful.”

“My mother. When I lived at home we would often host dinner or brunch gatherings with her friends, and my mother wanted me to be a proper lady so she had me attend. Attending meant I had to learn how to prepare everything as well, though.”

I stirred my coffee with my spoon as I watched her, noticing she was reaching for another frosting-coated cookie.

“That’s nice, dear. However, I think a lady should do as she damn pleases and not follow an etiquette book religiously.” She grinned, the blush on her cheeks still showing, which gave her so much life. “Do you mind if I smoke, dear?”

“Not at all. Gerard does all the time.”

“That damn boy. I don’t know where he gets these habits.” She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long puff.

I bit back a laugh and jumped as my phone rang. Elena looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“I’m not even here, dear,” she said as she went back to her coffee.

I nodded and answered my phone.

“Jaded!” Frank exclaimed.

“Frankie!” I said as my stomach rushed with excitement. “I miss you guys. How is everyone?”

“Your boyfriend is depressed. He’s been drawing you nonstop and writing you love letters.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Stop lying, Frank.”

Elena gave me a look and shook her head, appearing to be amused.

“I’m not! I stole a few and I’ll show you when we come to New York next week. You’re gonna be there, right?”

“Of course I will. I’ll be the first one there to welcome you guys.” I grinned. “Where’s Gerard now? Is he near by? I haven’t heard from him since yesterday.”

“He’s in the can now, but he’ll be back out shortly. He had some bad tofu, I think.”

“Shut up, Frank,” I heard Gerard say in the background, which made Frank giggle and laugh.  
“Here she is, dude,” he said, and I heard some rustling noises before Gerard came on.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey you,” I said with a huge grin.

Elena looked at me with a smile.

“How are you?” he asked.

“I’m okay. I miss you terribly, just like the day you left.” I paused for a second. “Your grandmother is here.”

“Hi Gerard!” she exclaimed suddenly, which made me jump a little.

“Want to put her on for a moment? I should really talk to her,” Gerard said thoughtfully.

“Of course.” I pulled the phone from my ear and handed it to Elena. “Gerard wants to talk to you.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed as she excitedly took the phone. “Hello, sweetheart. I miss you boys.”

I decided to give her a little privacy and got up from my seat to stroll around my apartment. I smiled as I walked a few feet to my living room quarters, which contained white walls that were filled with Gerard’s artwork. A portrait of David Bowie was hanging above my couch, which he painted for me before leaving - his “parting gift,” he called it. Frank and Ray chipped in by getting me a few posters for some movies I liked, Labyrinth being one of them.

“The future Mrs. David Bowie-Gerard Way,” they would call me. Gerard didn’t mind them teasing me about him, nor did he mind that I still had my childhood crush on David Bowie. He almost seemed to understand. Of course, I never went on about Bowie in front of Gerard unless it was his music. In Gerard’s absence, I played more David Bowie and a lot more MCR to keep myself company and to fill the void.

Several minutes passed before Elena called me back over to talk to Gerard some more. We spoke privately for about five minutes before I put him on speaker phone so Elena could join in on the conversation. The call lasted about half an hour before Gerard had to go to get ready for their show in Connecticut, which I was half tempted to travel to see, but opted against it since their New York show was only a day away.

* * *

The next day I got off work half an hour early thanks to my co-worker, Gina, coming in to fill in for me. I was able to get ready within an hour and be on the train to Manhattan to watch them play at the Grudge Factory, which was a shitty little club that was roughly the size of Brittle End. Unfortunately, they would not be playing Brittle End on their tour, and their New York date would be the only one I could catch on their tour due to my work schedule.

I arrived an hour before the guys arrived and made myself get acquainted with the place, which had terrible lighting, graffiti on the walls, and a strange odor coming from the bathrooms that smelled suspiciously like marijuana. I threw down a couple Diet Cokes and cursed myself for being such a lone wolf because I never invited my few friends to come with me to any of the gigs to keep me company. Of course, my closest friend outside of the guys was Jermaine, and he was working that night. Luckily an hour went by fairly quickly (especially since I got busy watching a couple of drunk guys get tattooed at the bar) and the guys showed up a little early.

I hurried out the back door and saw the familiar van pull up with Mikey driving and Gerard riding shot gun. I saw Gerard’s face light up as soon as he saw me, and his door started opening before Mikey could put the van in park. He hopped out of the van and ran over to me. I opened my arms and he immediately picked me up and spun me around, grinning ear-to-ear as we hugged and kissed.

“Get a fuckin’ room!” Matt shouted.

“Fuck you!” Gerard shouted.

“Go get fucked,” Frank said in a sour voice, and that was when I noticed him passing Matt and walking right on past Gerard and me and into the club.

“Whatever, you fuckin’ munchkin,” Matt said, and that was when I noticed Tiffany on his arm.

Gerard put me down and hugged me properly. I gave him a kiss on the ear.

“I missed you,” I whispered.

“I’ve missed you, too,” he said as he squeezed me tightly. “I can’t believe they’re making me stay away from you for a couple more months after this. It sucks ass.”

“I know, but this is good for the band,” I said as I stared into his beautiful eyes.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Ray said as he approached us, lugging his guitar on his back. “Matt is being a total butthead and it’s not cool.”

“Fuck Matt. He’s a dink,” I said quietly.

Ray merely sighed before he walked past us to go inside the club.

“Hey, what’s up with Frank, by the way?” I asked Gerard.

“He and Matt have been fighting since Maine. It sucks.” He sighed before smiling at me again.

“Think we could maybe find a quiet spot later?” he whispered.

“Or maybe you could stay over tonight?” I asked him with a grin.

He nodded.

“We can make that happen.”

Matt approached us, Tiffany somehow wandered off on her own to do who knows what.

“Hey babe,” he said as he came up to me, leaning against the brick building and staring at me in a creepy way. “You still with this dipshit?”

I scowled at him.

“Yes, I’m still with Gerard.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Why?”

“Because it’s none of your business,” I replied. “Your girlfriend is probably looking for you, so shoo.”

He rolled his eyes again and went inside the building, only to have Frank come trotting out seconds later.

“I can’t stand that fucker!” Frank announced. “Hey Gerard, help us haul in some shit, would ya? You can stare at your girlfriend later.” He winked at us.

“Shut up, Frank,” Gerard said quietly before he kissed me, then wandered over to the van.

“Well?” Frank asked as he stared at me.

“Well what? You look like you’re expecting something.” I grinned at him.

“Where’s my fuckin’ hug?”

He opened his arms up, and I quickly hugged him, already smelling beer and cigarettes on him.

“I’ve missed you, Jaded. Things are better with you around.”

“I’m sure,” I laughed. “Have any new girlfriends yet?”

We pulled apart and he lit a cigarette.

“No, but this chick gave me her number in Rhode Island. That was pretty cool.”

“Have you called her?”

“No. She’s not my type.”

I had to admit - the more time I was with Gerard, the less feelings I had for Frank. I considered him one of my best friends, but I no longer had a crush on him. He caught me staring at him and he smiled.  
“What?”

“Nothing. Just missed hanging out with you.” I smiled at him.

“Come on. I have something to show you.” He grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward the van, which was empty except for some suitcases.

“Here,” he said as he opened the door and dug through one of the suitcases, which I knew was Gerard’s since there was piles of art material in there.

“Frank! You can’t just go through someone’s personal stuff!” I whispered harshly as I kept watch on the back door.

“Pfft. He’ll forgive me. Here.” He handed me three pieces of paper - two of which were sketches of me, and the other was a letter.

I gave Frank a confused look.

“It’s a love letter, Jaded. Save it for later. Put those away real quick before he catches us.” He snickered and zipped Gerard’s suitcase up again.

“This is such a violation of privacy.” I shook my head as I folded the papers and jammed them into my jean pocket.

Lucky for us, Matt the Asshole came back out with Tiffany on his arm. He was twirling a drumstick and trying to make himself look like hot shit for her.

“I love a good drummer,” she said in a sultry voice. “You’re the sexiest drummer alive.”

“You know it,” he said with a smirk, then stopped when he saw Frank and me standing by the van.

“Well, shrimp? Get busy and haul your shit in.” He whacked Frank on the chest with his drumstick and pushed past us to get to his drumset in the back.

“Ow,” Frank said in an annoyed tone.

I glared at Matt.

“Apologize to him!”

Matt stopped unloading his set and gave me an exasperated look.

“Look, I know you’re the groupie and all, but you don’t tell me what to do, girl.”

“Tell her, honey,” Tiffany said with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes.

“Are you two five or something? Apologize to Frank for that unnecessary behavior!”

“What’s going on?” Mikey asked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

“Uh oh. It’s Mikey. Run!” Matt said with a laugh.

“Matt, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked.

“He did some blow about an hour ago. Ignore him,” Mikey whispered.

“Ah,” I said quietly. “That explains it.”

* * *

A couple hours later, the guys were on break and Gerard was feeling a little frisky. We went into a dark, empty alley where we knew nobody would catch us. We kissed and groped each other for a good five minutes before we heard Ray shouting for us to warn us that some cops were lurking near the bar because someone tried to deal some meth in the bar they were playing in.

“Later,” I said to Gerard as we pulled apart and hauled ass toward the back of the building. “We’ll have privacy later. I promise.”

“I hope so,” Gerard said. “God, I’ve missed you.”

We caught up with Ray and Frank, who were tuning their guitars by the van. We saw a cop car with a spotlight on slowly go by the back lot of the building. He put it on us and gave us a suspicious look.

“Oh shit,” Frank said quietly. “I don’t know if Matt’s snow is still in the back or not.”

“Fucking Matt,” Gerard said as he shook his head.

The cop stared at us for a few more seconds before driving away. We all let out a sigh of relief before we continued talking about the show and Matt’s idiotic behavior. The rest of the night I sat near the front and kept my eyes on Gerard, who was so sexy in his tight jeans and beat-up band t-shirt.

* * *

 

At the end of the night, Gerard grabbed a change of clothes and some deodorant before saying good night to the guys (except Matt) and came home with me. As soon as we arrived, he took a shower and brushed his teeth, washing away what I guessed was several days of filth. He came back out and joined me on the loft, where I was already changed into my pajamas and waiting for him patiently.

“Finally,” he said as he leaned down to kiss me.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down on top of me, then rolled him onto his back. He appeared to be a little confused, but I merely smiled at him devilishly. He chuckled a little, sounding tired, and asked what the look was about.

“You relax. Let me do the work....” I grinned at him and kissed his lips before pushing myself down his body and sliding off his pants.

“What’re yo-” he was cut off by me pulling down his underwear and grasping his half-hard dick.

“Sshh. Just relax.” I smiled at him and slid his dick into my mouth, watching him writhe beneath my touch.

“Oh, holy fuck,” he cursed as he propped himself up on a couple pillows so he could look down at me.

I fondled his balls and looked up at him; he seemed to be in awe with his pulsing hot member in my mouth. He was gorgeous like that - hair unruly, his eyes a little glazed from exhaustion, his skin pale from lack of sunlight. The way he moved because of the way I touched him had me on fire and was definite spank bank material. He moaned as he held on to the railing of my loft. His face was flushed as sweat began to roll down his neck, which I desperately wanted to lick off of him and suck from his flesh.

I deep-throated his dick and nearly gagged, but played it cool so it wouldn’t make him lose interest or worry about what was going on with me. He kept his eyes focused on me, his head rolling from side to side occasionally. His mouth was gaped open, the tip of his tongue touching his pink lips. I made eye contact in time for him to release his seed into my mouth, my name on his lips as he experienced his high.

“Oh shit, Jade,” he said as he had his head tipped back, panting, beads of sweat still trickling down from his brow. “Oh fuck. That was incredible.”

I swallowed every bit of him and crawled up his body, then sealed our lips together in a deep kiss. He panted as he hungrily kissed me, his body seeming weak from sleep deprivation and the afterglow of his orgasm. He collapsed against the pillows and moaned loudly.

“I owe you one,” he said as he caught his breath.

“You do,” I teased, kissing his pale neck. “Sleep, sweetheart.”

“Good night, Jade,” he said as he turned his head to kiss me.

“Good night, Gerard.” I kissed him back, then rolled off of him and went to sleep with the most important man in my life next to me.


	12. Helena

_March_

It was a snowy day in the final week of March when the guys finally came home. The following day there was going to be a welcome home party for Gerard and Mikey at the Way family home, and Elena invited me to attend. I accepted her invitation and looked forward to the party. Of course, I already had plans to see Gerard ahead of time by surprising him at Mikey’s and his house.

That snowy day was a terrible one. I had to work ten hours because my manager (Tina) hated me with a fiery passion, and Kerry couldn’t make it into work on time due to family issues involving her aunt’s apartment. I didn’t blame Kerry - however, all my anger was focused on Tina for making me stay until six in the evening when I should have been home, preparing to surprise Gerard. When my shift ended, I had four missed calls from him and a voice message.

“Hey Jade, it’s me. I’m home! I guess you’re still working. I’m gonna catch some sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!”

He sounded exhausted, and understandably so. I smiled and decided to hold off until the next day after work, when I wouldn’t have to worry about getting up so early and allowed him time to be rested.

By the time I was home, it was pushing on eight. I was so late coming back because I had to do a little shopping because I was almost out of food, then I had to stop at my mother’s house to give her a payment for the Christmas present money she let me borrow (I was nearly done paying her off). I took a long, hot bath because I felt that I deserved it after dealing with hundreds of customers who seemed to want to come to me to complain about everything, ask me where everything was (even if it wasn’t my department), and had people bitch at me for someone not being in the photo lab.

To top off the day, I was turned down for the photo position. They gave it to a girl named Paula instead, and she was a total bitch. As a rule I tried to get along with all my coworkers and everyone I encountered, but Paula was impossible to deal with. She hated everyone, she was terrible with customer service, and when we got stuck tagging together she always gave me most of the tags to deal with (even though most weren’t in my department), then she would get snippy with me for not doing most of them by the time we closed (even though I couldn’t get to them because customer satisfaction was the number one policy in the store).

When I visited my mother, she was under the weather with a cold. She still maintained her beautiful image, and certainly wouldn’t let a “silly little cold” slow her down from her cleaning. My mother was compulsive in that way. She also invited me over for lunch the next day with her friends, but I had to decline - seeing Gerard was top priority. My mother was over the moon when she found out Gerard and I were dating. She was due to meet Gerard’s family within a week’s time.

* * *

The following day, I got myself ready and cleaned up by late afternoon. The party for Gerard and Mikey was at eight, so I had plenty of time to be ready. The peculiar thing was that I hadn’t heard from Elena at all, who formed the habit of calling me daily since the guys left for tour, and I hadn’t heard from Gerard or Mikey. While my paranoia was playing out about every scenario possible, I tried to brush it off and just left it at them being busy with the guys being home.

I was at Mikey and Gerard’s house at seven, as I was supposed to be due to us all planning to take a bus to their parents’ house together. To my surprise, Mr. Way answered the door.

“Jade!” he said with a shocked voice. “Oh thank God. Come in, dear.” He stepped aside and let me in, and I was greeted by Mrs. Way, who looked distressed with red, puffy eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said as she sniffled and opened her arms for me to come give her a hug.

I approached her and hugged her, genuinely confused by what was going on.

“Hi, Mrs. Way,” I said as I awkwardly hugged her.

“Thank you so much for coming,” she said as she squeezed me tightly. “I assume you’ve been in contact with Gerard?”

“No. Not since the other day. What’s going on?” I looked between my boyfriend’s parents, my brow furrowed as they looked more concerned.

“Sweetheart, Gerard is missing. Nobody’s heard from him since last night. Mikey is out looking for him now,” said Mr. Way.

“Last night? But... he left me a voice message yesterday afternoon while I was at work. He sounded fine. What’s happened?” I began to panic.

Mr. and Mrs. Way exchanged looks before Mrs. Way put her hands on my arms in a comforting manner.

“Jade, Grandma passed away last night. She was in a car accident.”

I felt the world stop - honestly, I didn’t believe her. Elena was careful. Despite her age, she was still sharp as a tack and wasn’t a terrible driver at all.

“No....” I said slowly.

Oh God, Gerard! He’s gotta be sick right now!

“I’m sorry, Jade,” Mr. Way said as he approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder in a comforting fashion. “It’s been hard on all of us. We’re very surprised you came over - we assumed the boys would have told you what happened, but we haven’t been able to find Gerard since last night.”

“I....” My voice failed me, and I felt like the room was closing in on me. “I - I’m so sorry. I need to go. I’m so sorry about Elena.”

I bit back my tears and hurried away from them and back out the door. I ran down the sidewalk, knowing I was a good half hour from the Way family home with traffic, and about forty-five minutes from my apartment. Instinct told me to go to the Way residence, even if nobody was there. Memories of all the visits Elena paid me over the past several months played through my head - the times we had lunch together, the funny time I taught her how to use the Playstation I received for Christmas, when she brought over some of her art supplies and we drew together, the time she brought over photo albums and showed me pictures of Gerard and Mikey as young boys, to me showing her my own family and explaining who everyone was and being told she couldn’t wait to meet my mother.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that. She was supposed to be around to see Gerard and Mikey make it big. She was supposed to be there for their big break, their first big concert, see the day that Gerard and I could maybe get married. She was supposed to meet my mother. Above all... she was supposed to be there to welcome her grandsons home. She wasn’t supposed to go.

I cried as I hurried down the sidewalk, having been power-walking for a good ten minutes before I spotted a cab. I hailed it and was lucky enough to get it. I told the driver the address and sat back quietly, sniffling occasionally but mainly trying to keep it together. The driver asked me if I was okay, and I lied to him. I told him everything was fine.

* * *

 

When I reached the Way residence, I rang the doorbell right away, and waited. By that time I pulled myself together, but felt dead inside. There was no answer. As I started to walk away, that’s when I noticed the window to Gerard’s old room in the basement.

I hurried down the stairs and trudged through five inches of snow and brushed it away from his window. I peeked inside and saw a tiny light on in there, and noticed the window was unlocked. I quietly opened it and slid my bottom half through the opening, trying to be as stealthy as possible while essentially breaking in to the Way family home.

My feet landed on Gerard’s desk, and I accidentally hit my head on the window while it closed. I silently cursed it, and turned my attention toward Gerard’s bed. He was laying there, faced away from me. The only light source in the room was from an almost burned out light bulb in his desk lamp next to his bed. I got off his desk and slowly approached him.

“Gerard?” I said quietly.

I heard him sniffle in response.

Oh, God.

Despite having half my body wet from the snow, I crawled into his bed anyway and put my arms around him.

“Gerard, I’m so sorry,” I said quietly.

“It’s my fault,” he said quietly. “I should have been there for her. I shouldn’t have been asleep.”

“It’s not your fault. There wasn’t anything you could have done.”

He sniffled again, then slowly turned to face me. His eyes were red and his face was flushed. My heart broke as I stared at him.

“So? I still should have been there. I should have come here right away to see her. She was on her way to our place to say hi. That’s why she was in an accident. All because she was coming to see us.”

Not knowing what to say, I merely bit my lip and wrapped my arms around him.

“It’s my fault she’s gone, Jade. She was supposed to still be here. She would’ve never met that drunk guy if it wasn’t for me. She wouldn’t have gone out on the icy roads if I just would have told the driver to keep going until I was here. She’d still be alive.”

He began crying into my neck, and I hugged him tight. His cries turned into violent sobs, and I rocked him in my arms. He was hurting, and understandably so. I knew it was best to just let him get it out. I remembered how I grieved my father, and felt incredibly sad for Gerard, especially since it was Elena. She truly became a good friend to me.

* * *

Three days later, it was Elena’s funeral. Gerard barely said two words to anyone, and chose to wear sunglasses inside to hide his red eyes. I was allowed to sit up front with Gerard, and some questioned the family’s decision with me being with Gerard. Since that night I found him in his old room, he got drunk once. I made him stay with me for the night, and the night of the funeral he was to come home with me. Gerard and Mikey’s parents expressed their gratitude for me being there for Gerard during such a hard time for him.

The funeral service was simple and bittersweet. Mikey prepared a slideshow of her throughout her life, and several of their aunts, uncles, and cousins got up and spoke, telling stories of Elena and sharing their favorite memories of her. Gerard did not go up and speak. He stayed in the church pew with me and held my hand, doing all he could to not let go and sob in front of everyone.

After the service, Gerard didn’t want to stick around for the dinner and just wanted to go home to my apartment, so we did as he wished. He immediately flopped on my couch and faced away from me, hugging a throw pillow to his body in the process. It was heartbreaking to watch him go through that.

“Do you want some coffee, sweetheart?” I asked as I approached him.

“No, thanks,” he replied, not bothering to look at me.

I sat next to him and brushed his hair back. He let out a shaky sigh and remained faced away from me.

“Would you like something to eat? You should eat.”

“No.”

“You haven’t eaten today. I’ll fix you something in case you get hungry later, okay?”

He didn’t respond. I leaned down and kissed his cheek, which had three days of stubble on it. I bustled off to the kitchen and prepared a small batch of chili, which took up several hours of my time. I checked on Gerard so often and noticed he fell asleep after about an hour of laying on the couch. Considering he got little to no rest the night before, him sleeping was the best thing he could do.

Since the chili had to simmer for a while, I laid next to Gerard on the couch and carefully wrapped my arms around him. He sighed in his sleep, not moving an inch. I left a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Gerard. I’m so, so sorry....” I let out a shaky sigh and rested my head on his mess of raven hair.


	13. Brittany

The following months after Elena's death were very hard on Gerard. He returned to his old ways of drinking, being a recluse when he wasn't playing by locking himself in his room for hours (sometimes days) and doing God knows what, and spent less time with me. While I mourned Elena, I also mourned my dying relationship with Gerard; I understood that a part of him died with her, but he should have known that Elena wouldn't have wanted him to seclude himself from the world. She would have wanted him to keep on living his life the way he was, and to strive forward in his career in music and the arts.

Our visits became less as time passed. It wasn't that I didn't want to be there for him and wasn't "ready" for the kind of baggage a death in the family had - it was Gerard pushing me away. It was difficult to go several days without hearing from him, to have to call and talk to Mikey (who was profusely more fucked up from drinking as time passed when they weren’t playing) to get updates from him about Gerard. In the mean time, Frank and I grew closer and hung out more. He was a good friend for me to talk to, whether it was about Gerard, about work, or something going on in Frank’s life.

They were preparing for another tour by June, and were preparing a tape of their songs to send to a couple record companies, one of which was Reprise Records. They wrote two songs for the newest album they wanted to record, one of which was titled “The Ghost of You,” and it was beautiful. On one of Gerard’s good days, he invited me to come to band practice and I was able to hear a rough version of it. I cried and felt so silly for reacting that way to a song, but the guys (except Matt) found it flattering.

“Oh wow, give her a reward for Drama Queen Of The Year!” Matt exclaimed sarcastically from behind his drum kit, which made Brittany (he dumped Tiffany) laugh.

“Tell her, babe!” she exclaimed, then shot me an evil look.

Tiffany I didn’t pay attention to... Brittany I did. She would eye Gerard and offer him drinks constantly, and I hated that about her. She flirted with him a couple of times in the past, and it really aggravated me. Some days I really wanted to punch her in the tit.

“Come here, pussycat,” Matt said as he swung around on his throne, and Brittany jumped up and approached him, then sat on his lap and began to make out with him.

Frank rolled his eyes and put his guitar on its stand.

“I’m going out for a smoke. Gerard, you coming?”

Gerard, who was watching me from his place behind the microphone, nodded. He came over and kissed my forehead before he went outside with Frank. I heard a spank before turning to see Brittany hopping off of Matt’s lap.

“I’m joining them, babe. Be right back.”

She placed her hands on Matt’s chest and giggled, and he gave her a spank on the ass.

“Ohh! Matty.” She giggled again.

I caught Ray and Mikey looking at each other with disgusted looks. Mikey rolled his eyes and started tuning his bass while Ray started working on the settings on his pedal. Matt walked past and out the basement door of Gerard and Mikey’s house.

“So, you guys hear anything from Reprise?” I asked, hoping to God that they would get signed with that company because my favorite band (Green Day) were signed with them.

“You guys hear anything from Reprise?” Brittany mocked.

“Hey, not cool,” Ray said as he looked at Brittany with a scowl, then he turned to me. “No. Starting to think they maybe threw our tape in the trash. We haven’t heard back from the other companies, either.”

“This sucks,” I said with a sigh.

“I’ll drink to that,” Mikey said before taking a swig from his bottle of beer, which was next to Gerard’s (and I was not happy about it).

“It could be any day,” Ray said optimistically.

Brittany, who was still by Matt’s kit, rolled her eyes and walked out from behind it.

“God, Ray, you’re too positive. You guys need to let Matty write some songs and do some more for the band. You guys would totally get signed then.”

Mikey scowled at her.

“Gerard is the leader. We use his songs.”

“Oh, Mikey. If only you were the cute brother,” Brittany rudely said in a condescending voice.

She turned toward me and let out a patronizing sigh.

“Jade, Jade, Jade.... How on earth did you ever get with Gerard? He’s, like, so not your type. You don’t party, or drink, or... really do anything besides go to work and simply exist, do you?”

“Hey, leave Jade alone,” Ray said, immediately halting his fiddling with the pedal. “She didn’t do anything to you.”

“It’s more the fact that she exists than anything,” Brittany said with a smirk, putting her hands on her hips. “You gonna break up with Gerard soon? I wouldn’t mind taking a swing at him. He’s pretty hot.”

“You don’t even care about Gerard,” I said in an irritated voice.

“Really? We’ll see.” She smirked again, and quickly wiped it off her face when Gerard, Frank, and Matt came back in.

“Oh, Gerard!” Brittany exclaimed as she walked over and threw her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry about your grandma. Mikey was telling me all about the accident. I, like, had no idea! You must be going through so much.”

Gerard appeared to be triggered and confused by her words. I was fuming.

“No, I didn-” Mikey was cut off by Brittany.

“If you ever need anything, totally feel free to call me and talk.”

“Thanks, but I’m fine,” Gerard said as he awkwardly pat her on the shoulder before working his way out of her grasp.

He sat next to me and smiled weakly at me.

“Okay if I stay with you tonight?” he asked.

I nodded and kissed him, making sure it was on the mouth to let Brittany know that he was mine, so back the fuck off. Gerard smiled into my lips before pulling away, not being one who liked to express affection in front of others. He squeezed my hand before getting up.

“Okay, guys, should we run through ‘Hang ‘Em High’ again?”

“Oh, I totally love that song, Gerard. You guys should so play it out this weekend!” Brittany exclaimed.

She’s doing it to annoy you....

“Yeah, maybe,” Gerard said, giving her the cold shoulder as he went back behind his mic.

That night, Gerard cried as we made love in my bed. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me a small part of me made him feel a little more whole again. Of course, he was a little drunk, and he was still mourning.

* * *

That weekend I saw the guys play at Brittle End, which I was surprised they’d come back to after their tour, but Gerard said he liked “shitty clubs with character,” so there they were. Gerard already had a drink in hand within ten minutes of being there, and an arm around my shoulder. Multiple times I expressed my distaste for his drinking, which he ignored. He was slowly getting worse and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, he just didn’t want to listen.

“Hey, Gerard!” came the voice of Brittany, who arrived in a taxi and was hanging off Matt like a fly on honey.

“Hi,” Gerard replied before he started nibbling on my ear.

We were hanging out by the van with the rest of the band, who were starting to unload everything.

“Hey Gerard, knock off the hanky panky and help out,” said Mikey, who was already drunk and stumbling a little bit while he was hauling his amp in. “Goddamn, we need to hire a roadie.”

“Fuckin’ amen,” said Frank, who was carrying in his rather large pedal box.

“My cousin could do it,” Ray suggested as he got out his guitar. “He’s out of work right now.”

“Call the fucker,” said Frank. “We need someone asap.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow,” Ray replied as he walked past us, not seeming to pay much attention to the affection Gerard was giving me, which was pretty out of character for him.

  
During their first set, Gerard went through three drinks, and Brittany hung around near the front to cheer him on. Gerard, despite being drunk, still paid no mind to her and seemed to be bothered by her shouting his name constantly. What struck me as odd was Matt seeming to have no reaction to this, nor did he seem to care.

“Everyone,” Gerard said after they finished playing Drowning Lessons, “my girlfriend is here tonight. Her name is Jade, and she’s the most beautiful fucking woman in the world.”

People standing in front of the stage turned and looked at me. I caught Brittany glaring at me, her hands on her hips. Some people clapped and cheered.

“Not only is she the most fuckin’ beautiful chick in the world, one of the things I love most about her is the fact that she loves vampires. Conveniently, we have a song about vampires, so this song is for you, Jade. I can’t wait to kiss you all over later.” His voice dropped low at the end of his sentence, and he had his eyes locked on me, his finger pointed in my direction through the crowd surrounding the stage.

Some people “ooh”ed, some “aww”ed, and some “whoo!”ed. They began to play Vampires Will Never Hurt You and I clapped, feeling embarrassed and flattered.

He’s never done that before.

“How many times did you have to suck his dick to get him to do that?” Brittany asked in a snarly voice as she approached me.

“Excuse me?” I asked, feeling offended by her harsh words.

“You heard me, you little bitch. Matt doesn’t do shit for me like that. What makes you so great to be with Gerard?”

“Um. None of your business?” was my reply.

“Oh my god, I wondered if he was talking about you!” I heard a voice shout over the music.

I turned my head and recognized the beautiful, purple-eyed girl I met all those months ago.

“Chloe!” I hugged her. “Where’s Austin?”

“At home. He’s sick. So you and Gerard are dating? That’s totally awesome!”

“Yeah. We’ve been together for five months. Time sure has flown by.”

“Yeah, and he’s totally gonna leave her for me,” Brittany cut in, smirking.

“Um. Who are you?” Chloe asked as she gave Brittany a weird look.

“Brittany. Matt’s girlfriend. Soon to be Gerard’s girlfriend. Who the fuck are you?” Brittany eyed Chloe up and down, giving her a disgusted look. “Gross, you shop at Hot Topic, don’t you?”

“So what? And Gerard is so not going to leave Jade for you. What’s wrong with you?” Chloe folded her arms over her chest.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Do you actually like this band?” Brittany kept her hands on her hips, sizing Chloe up.

“You don’t?” Chloe looked dumbfounded.

“Fuck no! I like pop. These guys are gonna be famous though, and I want to be with Gerard when it happens.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You’re gross, Brittany,” I said as I walked away.

“Jade! Wait!” Chloe exclaimed over the loud music, and followed me out of the crowd.

We went out the back door and passed a few people involved in what I guessed was a dope deal. Fuckin’ Jersey, man. It was everywhere.

“She’s just talking shit. Ignore her. Gerard wouldn’t break up with you. He dedicated his favorite song to you! That totally means a lot.” Chloe gave me an encouraging smile.

“I’m not worried about Gerard leaving me. I’m just annoyed with Brittany acting like a twelve year old. It’s getting old.”

We talked some shit about Brittany for a couple minutes before Frank came out and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“Jaded! Why’d you walk out on the song Gerard dedicated to you? I saw you two with Brittany.” He looked at Chloe and winked at her. “Hey Chlo.”

“Hey, Frankie.” She laughed.

“Brittany’s just being a cunt.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s... whatever. How’s Gerard?”

“Looking for you.” Frank paused as he let go of me. “Here he comes.”

I turned around and saw Gerard coming out, lighting a cigarette in the process.

“Hey you,” he said after taking a drag. “Why’d you come out here?”

“Because Brittany’s being a bitch again,” said Frank.

“That figures,” Gerard replied. “She keeps saying some creepy shit.”

“I agree....” I mumbled.


End file.
